Jose L Aleman, Personal Coach

Jose L Aleman, Personal Coach Coaching for people tired of bracing, overthinking, and losing themselves in relationships.

I help you build confidence, boundaries, and clarity so you can respond instead of react. I provide empathic, effective and thought-provoking individual and couples therapy to adolescents and adults.

This week wasn’t about fixing hesitation.It was about understanding it.Let it settle.
01/25/2026

This week wasn’t about fixing hesitation.

It was about understanding it.

Let it settle.

01/24/2026

Hesitation doesn’t mean stop.
It also doesn’t mean push.

Sometimes it means noticing the caution
and choosing to move anyway, imperfectly.

You don’t have to be perfect to speak.

01/22/2026

When hesitation to reach or connect shows up, most people mislabel it.

They call it avoidance.
They call it lack of desire.
They tell themselves they’re bad at connection.

And that matters, because the label you use determines what you do next.

When you shame hesitation, you lose choice.
You either force yourself forward or pull all the way back.

But hesitation is often just caution without context.

So when hesitation shows up, practice labeling it accurately instead of judging it.

Accuracy matters more than pushing yourself.

What do you usually call your hesitation?

01/22/2026

For a long time, I thought my hesitation to reach out to folks meant something was wrong with me.
That I was off. Bad at connecting. Always in my head.

Understanding where it came from changed that.
Not by fixing it, but by making sense of it.

So don’t judge your hesitation.
Get curious about where it came from and how it made sense.
That’s often what loosens its grip.

Curiosity creates choice.
Judgment shuts it down.

Setting boundaries is hard, especially for those of us who grew up believing we were responsible for other people’s reac...
01/21/2026

Setting boundaries is hard, especially for those of us who grew up believing we were responsible for other people’s reactions. THEIR disappointment can feel like danger to us! If this is the case for you, your body learned that their emotions were a cue to shrink, smooth things over or just say “yes,” to avoid more conflict ...even if you really wanted to say “no.” The truth is, THEIR feelings are THEIRS alone, and YOUR boundary is YOURS. Healthy relationships make room for both.
selfworth peoplepleasing innerchildhealing nervoussystemregulation healthyrelationships emotionalboundaries

01/21/2026

Ever notice how your body reacts before you reach for someone?

Before the text.
Before the hug.
Before the words.

Try this experiment with me.

Notice what shows up when you imagine reaching out. You don’t need to change anything.

No fixing. No interpretation.

That response matters.
Practice listening before deciding.
Awareness gives choice.

01/20/2026

That pause before connection isn’t a personality flaw.
It’s a memory.

If early bids for closeness didn’t land consistently, your system learned to be careful.
Not because you were too much.
Not because connection was wrong.
But because warmth wasn’t always available when you reached.

The nervous system learns from impact, not intent.
So hesitation can be an intelligent adaptation, not avoidance.

If you notice that pause today, don’t rush to correct it.
Let it tell you what your system learned, instead of turning it into a story about what’s wrong.

That’s awareness.

01/19/2026

I didn’t feel sure.
I just moved.

01/17/2026

Choice can come before comfort.
You don’t have to feel ready to choose yourself.
Your body can catch up later.

01/17/2026

This is the part people don’t get warned about.

You can make the right choice
and still feel activated afterward.

Learning to sit with discomfort doesn’t happen on the first try.
It happens through repetition.
Through staying, again and again, even when your body wants to brace or rush away.

In this video, I’m not showing calm.
I’m showing practice.

Each moment of staying teaches your system something new:
that you can feel discomfort and still be safe, still be here, still rest.

That’s how trust gets built.
Slowly. Through experience. Not force.

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Oakland, CA
94611

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+14155175144

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