Jose L Aleman, MFT

Jose L Aleman, MFT I provide empathic, effective and thought-provoking individual and couples therapy to adolescents and adults.

11/17/2025

This week, we will look at what it means to tolerate other people’s emotions when you set a boundary. For many of us, our body stiffens the moment someone shows disappointment or upset. We learned to read other people’s emotions as something we had to fix or prevent, so even a small shift in their face can feel like danger.

Today is just about noticing that reaction, nothing more.
See if this resonates with you and how it shows up in your body.
Give yourself time to be aware of it without trying to change anything.

We will move slowly through this all week, one small step at a time.

11/14/2025

Change really is the only constant. Sometimes we resist it, but that doesn’t work. It just makes us feel exhausted. 😩

So, because change will happen no matter what, I really encourage you to face it head on. 👌🏾

I’m sure you’ve already faced all kinds of changes in your job: physical moves, changing jobs, relationships starting and ending. 💔

You’ve survived them all so far, so, keep going. You’ve got this! 💪🏾

11/13/2025

Days like this remind me that release doesn’t have to be dramatic. Sometimes the body just needs permission to stop gripping so tightly.
If the rain is clearing the air, you can clear a little space inside too—guilt, tension, self-blame… none of that needs to run your day.
A small reset counts. A softer moment counts.
Let yourself put some weight down today.

11/13/2025

We’re not shrinking anymore. We’re healing the parts that learned to stay quiet. We’re setting boundaries, finding alignment, and growing together. If that’s your journey too, welcome in! ✨

11/11/2025

I don’t know about you, but I was taught that being an understanding person means prioritizing the comfort of others while keeping my own feelings quiet. 🙊

The problem is that eventually, our own feelings can (and usually do) bubble to the surface, and then we blow up. 🌋

So really, bringing up your own feelings about a situation is more caring for you and the person you’re in relationship with. Bringing up your own feelings can strengthen your relationships. So why not try bringing up your own feelings this week! Tell people how you feel. You can do it! I believe in you! 🎉

11/09/2025

At my brother’s wedding, it was time for couples to slow dance. It was my first time dancing with my partner in front of my whole family—and I was so nervous. My body was tight, my heart was racing.
I did the thing I knew a confident, resourced version of me would want and that is go out there and dance like all other couples. So I closed my eyes and just… moved.

It wasn’t walking out there with a ton of confidence but it was me walking out there. It wasn’t perfect. But it was mine.

That moment reminded me: you don’t need to feel fully ready to take a step. You can still grow with discomfort present. You can still honor yourself for showing up—shaky, scared, and all.

Every small, imperfect step counts. That’s how confidence is built—one uncomfortable movement at a time.

✨ Be kind to what’s possible today. Move with what you’ve got. Eyes closed if you need to.

Sometimes confidence isn’t about posture or presence. It’s about comfort.It’s the quiet ease of knowing you don’t need t...
11/08/2025

Sometimes confidence isn’t about posture or presence. It’s about comfort.

It’s the quiet ease of knowing you don’t need to perform for anyone.

We spend so much time thinking about how we look instead of how we feel.
But when we start prioritizing comfort — physical, emotional, relational — we start showing up more honestly. And man, the release of the tension to be a certain way is so nice!

May your weekend be cozy, unbothered, and entirely aligned with your own comfort. 🐾

11/06/2025

Sometimes confidence starts with the body.
Before the affirmations, before the pep talks, just notice how your body holds itself.

Shoulders back. Head high.
Not as a performance, but as an act of remembering.
You belong here. You deserve to take up space.

A small physical shift can remind your nervous system what safety and presence feel like.
Start there. Then see how your thoughts begin to follow. And don’t just pay attention to the usual players (“I’m bringing attention to myself”, “I’m being arrogant”). If they show up, acknowledge them AND then continue to see what else you feel, experience.

11/05/2025

The days are shorter, the light fades faster, and your body feels it — that quiet pull to slow down, to stay in, to rest.

Recognizing that call doesn’t make you lazy or unmotivated — it helps you understand what you actually need.
When we stop judging the urge to slow down, we create space for compassion and alignment.

Rest isn’t weakness — it’s rhythm.
If your body’s asking you to pause, listen. Acceptance opens the door to movement that truly fits where you are. 🌙

This one speaks to the fear that if we lead with kindness, honesty, and authenticity, we’ll get hurt — that being soft s...
11/05/2025

This one speaks to the fear that if we lead with kindness, honesty, and authenticity, we’ll get hurt — that being soft somehow means being defenseless.

But you can be kind and firm. Honest and fierce. Compassionate and clear.
They’re not opposites — they’re parts of the same confident self.

Remember: light, medium, and hard boundaries exist for a reason.
If you’ve tried the light way — the gentle reminders, the soft tone, the patient explanations — and it’s still not being respected… that’s your cue to firm up.

Boundaries aren’t about losing your kindness. They’re about protecting your energy so you can keep showing up as your full, authentic self.

11/03/2025

Earlier this year, my last grandparent passed away. I grew up with two great grandmothers (not pictured here) and my 4 grandparents.

I’ve never done an altar before but this year is a perfect year to do one. I honor my grandparents: Abuelita Ana, Papa Pedro, Mitatere y mi Papa Enrique. Me ensañaron tanto y soy quien soy, en parte, por Uds. Los cargo dentro de mi y siempre los recordaré 🖤

Listen coffee has been in my life since I was a kid. Research prob shows it’s not the best way to start your day but tha...
11/02/2025

Listen coffee has been in my life since I was a kid. Research prob shows it’s not the best way to start your day but that’s ok. I accept the consequences 😉

Once I had my coffee, I had a blast meeting up with my old friend/mentor Angel-Max. This man was my mentor in so many ways growing up. Academically, he helped me apply to (and get into) UC Berkeley when I was in high school. Socially/personally, he showed me that a gay, Latino man can be successful, with family and sane lol

He took me under his wing and showed me SF gay culture and the options available. There was no judgment, just openness and curiosity along with education and safety.

I’m eternally grateful to him and will always value him being in my life. Gracias Angel Max. Thanks for continuing to be in my life.

Later on, se me antojó algo dulcito, so I made a chocolate cake 🤤

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