Healing and Peace

02/07/2026

I think that the spiritual method described in this video has the right priority. Our whole spiritual and moral life starts with being loved. First, before anything else, we are loved unconditionally by God. If we don't start there, we are getting ahead of ourselves.

02/06/2026

Cheating on one's spouse reveals a specific weakness in the cheater's moral character. Rather than merely giving an unfaithful spouse another chance, it is better to also do whatever is reasonably possible to remove the opportunities for cheating again, e.g., no more business trips alone, etc.

Reducing access to cheating opportunities and developing greater transparency in the offender’s speech and life in general are essential in the first stage of marital therapy when the focus is healing from an affair, which is one of my areas of specialization. For this kind of work, I follow a treatment plan that Dr. John Gottman calls the Three A’s: Atonement-Attunement-Attachment.

I have found that this approach works well at rebuilding trust and sometimes the couple’s marriage ends up better after therapy than it ever was in the first place, even before the affair. I’m always happy for the couple when that happens.

Please join me in prayer for couples facing the aftermath of an affair. May God help the offender to become trustworthy and for trust to be rebuilt as speedily as is reasonable and possible.

02/05/2026

"The measure of love is to love without measure" (St. Bernard of Clairvaux).

Those who love without measure love unconditionally and, thus, emulate God. It is exactly this kind of love, i.e. authentic love, that we all need.

We cannot develop a secure attachment without unconditional love. Those who have not yet met anyone who has loved them unconditionally suffer through life insecurely attached.

When a client with an attachment problem finds a therapist who can love them without measure within the context of the therapist-client relationship and sticks with therapy long enough, they can experience the relief of a safe relationship with someone who reliably, consistently cares for them. Such a relationship makes life worth living.

Without love, nothing meaningful remains, but with it, life becomes vibrant, filled with joy. Please join me in praying for those who are insecurely attached that they may find someone to love them without measure.

02/04/2026

"Grace perfects nature" (St. Thomas Aquinas).

Clients starting a course of therapy have psychological and emotional wounds that were afflicted on them at the natural level. Therapy heals on the natural level.

Therapy that brings about deep personal and relational healing of these wounds provides us with a solid natural foundation upon which grace can more easily perfect us.

In this way, adequate Catholic therapy makes it so that we can live out our unique vocation to love with ever greater peace, holiness and joy.

https://healingandpeace.com

Catholic therapist Serving Oceanside, Camp Pendleton, Carlsbad, Encino, Vista, Fallbrook, Bonsall, Escondido, San Marcos, Poway, Rancho Santa Fe, Solana Beach, Del Mar, Rancho Bernardo, San Clemente, San Juan Capistrano, Capistrano Beach, Dana Point, Laguna Beach, Laguna Niguel, Laguna Hills, Rancho...

02/03/2026

IS FRIENDSHIP WITH CHRIST A VATICAN II INNOVATION?
Every so often I come across the writings or “tweets” of a Catholic extremist who teaches and promotes that thinking of Jesus as our friend was an innovation that was first popularized around the time of the Second Vatican Council. These extremists are black-and-white thinkers who tend to create false dichotomies, pitting their own opinion against the orthodox Catholic position.

As extremists, they will be the first to tell you that they hold the orthodox view of Catholic teaching and that you do not, even though their teachings are flawed. They come across as angry, self-righteous, and impenetrable, but I think that underneath these appearances, they are scared, confused, and worthy of our compassion.

I wish I could say that their writings or social media posts are harmless, but they are not. These extremists prey on the ignorant and overly trusting, a.k.a., the vulnerable. They do the work of the devil, probably unknowingly, as they push Christ’s friends away from Christ, pushing them from trust to fear, from closeness to coldness.

The idea that “Christ is our friend” is not a recent innovation. Jesus called his disciples friends in John 15:13-15, saying, “You are my friends, if you do what I command you.” Similarly, St. Basil wrote, “The soul that has been made worthy of God becomes the dwelling place of the Word; it converses with Him as with a friend.” That St. Basil lived in the Fourth Century along with what Jesus told his disciples support the historical truth that friendship with Christ, the Eternal Logos or Word, is not a new idea first popularized around the time of Vatican II.

The extremists who attempt to discount the validity of talking to Christ like he is our friend by calling it an innovation, try to pit our friendship with Christ against the fact that He is God, Ruler, and Rabbi or Teacher, as if that somehow by being His friend, we are making ourselves equal to God. To this concern, I happily concede that we are not and never will be equal to God.

As creatures, we receive everything, even ourselves from God, the Creator and Lord of All. Jesus is our Friend with a capital “F”. We are friends with the God Whom we rightly revere and obey as Our Ruler and the King of the Universe.

Of course, Jesus as God, King, and Teacher, must admonish us at times. A friend who won't admonish us when we need it isn't much of a friend at all.

Except for Jesus, I have never met a king, and I certainly have never been a courtier or a close friend of someone royal. I think that the fact that I am called to be a close friend of the King of the Universe is pretty special. How about you?

01/29/2026

"Holy men grow by recognizing their weakness" (St. Gregory the Great).

Many of my clients have said to me, "Going to therapy is like going to Confession, even though it isn't Confession." I think I know what they mean.

To be a therapy client requires acknowledgement of having a problem that one is unable to sort out or conquer on one's own. To bring this problem and to ask for help requires humility.

I am a Catholic therapist who helps individuals, couples, and families to experience deep personal and relational healing so that they can live out their unique vocation to love with ever greater peace, holiness and joy.

If St. Gregory is right that holy men grow by recognizing their weakness, then my clients are already halfway to their goal of living out their unique vocation to love with ever greater holiness simply by showing up to the first session with a humble heart. How cool is that?

01/28/2026

"The glory of God is man fully alive" (St. Irenaeus).

There is no healing without a correlating "coming alive".

Our body, in a way, prepares for death or goes into a self-preservation state when we are stuck in shame. As we pop out of shame, we not only see our full dignity, but our bodies are also energized, and we often consciously experience this vitality.

To help a client move from shame to a "fully alive" state must be the goal of every adequate therapy model. Seeing clients come alive from "the dead" is one of the most moving and beautiful things I experience as a therapist.

Have you noticed a "coming alive" in yourself or others as you or they have popped out of shame? If so, then you have experienced or seen the glory of God.

01/27/2026

WHY A HOT TUB MIGHT IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE
A middle-aged couple who I see at the San Diego Walk4Life every year came to my booth at the event this past Saturday to say "Hi" and to talk about their marriage. What the husband shared with me is worth passing along.

He said that he noticed that his wife would not open up to him except for when they were in a hot tub together. He pondered this problem and was able to convince her to let him buy a hot tub. Now that they have a hot tub, he makes sure that they spend some time in it every day and his wife is sharing with him more.

There is something more here than just a funny, odd little story, and that is the importance of soothing one's spouse. In marriages that are headed in the wrong direction, one or both spouses associate the other with stress. When this happens, marital conflicts are more likely to escalate than deescalate.

In these cases, it is important for us to rewire our brains so that we associate our spouses with calm rather than stress. One way to do this, according to renowned marital researcher, theorist, and therapist Dr. John Gottman is to read a calm, soothing script to one's spouse when not in the midst of an escalating conflict. These scripts can include guidance for muscle relaxation, and it can be quite relaxing to have one read to you.

My wife and I keep from associating one another with stress by doing a fun activity together every evening. What is something that you do or would want to do with your spouse to associate them with calm instead of stress?

01/26/2026

I was surprised to find my heart racing after being recorded giving a one-minute unrehearsed mini-speech at a San Diego Walk4Life booth, but I was even more surprised when once my heartbeat returned to normal, I felt moved.

I didn't know for sure what I was feeling at the time or exactly why. Now, I think I was probably feeling a mixture of things: sadness and love for the women I have treated who have spoken to me about their abortions, anger at the men in their lives who coerced them to have the abortion, and, I shamefully admit, pride and self-love for being a man in their lives who would never push them towards doing something so evil and harmful to themselves or an unborn child.

I have noticed that often it is girls or women who are in their teens or early twenties who have an abortion. We are vulnerable at these ages, uncertain, and influenceable. Often, a self-interested male pushed these girls or women into the acts that led to conception. These same self-interested males encouraged these vulnerable girls or women to get an abortion. Sometimes it even happens that a girl or young woman's father drives them to the abortion clinic.

My little speech was about these things, and I think it was the passion that I felt about them that was behind my surprising-at-the-time post-speech experience of "being moved". There is a tender place in my heart for women who have had abortions.

I want girls and young women with unplanned pregnancies to know that there are good men in the world who will support them in making a pro-life choice. I am not the only one.

If you are a man who would never persuade a young woman to abort her unborn child, please reply in the comments section, at least as a testimony to God's goodness working through men in this area.

Have any of you ever unexpectedly been moved by any of your own speeches? Or do you have a Walk4Life or pro-life story you want to share?

Call now to connect with business.

01/23/2026

"I seek to understand in order to believe" (St. Anselm).

Understanding ourselves better in light of Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition strengthens our faith.

https://healingandpeace.com

Catholic therapist Serving Oceanside, Camp Pendleton, Carlsbad, Encino, Vista, Fallbrook, Bonsall, Escondido, San Marcos, Poway, Rancho Santa Fe, Solana Beach, Del Mar, Rancho Bernardo, San Clemente, San Juan Capistrano, Capistrano Beach, Dana Point, Laguna Beach, Laguna Niguel, Laguna Hills, Rancho...

01/22/2026

"Christian, remember your dignity" (St. Leo the Great).

While shame distorts identity, healing restores a sense of one's own dignity.

https://healingandpeace.com

Catholic therapist Serving Oceanside, Camp Pendleton, Carlsbad, Encino, Vista, Fallbrook, Bonsall, Escondido, San Marcos, Poway, Rancho Santa Fe, Solana Beach, Del Mar, Rancho Bernardo, San Clemente, San Juan Capistrano, Capistrano Beach, Dana Point, Laguna Beach, Laguna Niguel, Laguna Hills, Rancho...

01/22/2026

We can learn a lot about narcissism from mockingbirds. Like the male narcissist, male mockingbirds "fill the room" with their voices, the louder and more attention-getting, the better. They drown out other softer beautiful voices like house wrens and finches.

Please remember wives of narcissists in your prayers today. They deal with very difficult personalities daily for years to decades and they pay a steep price for it, with declining mental and physical health as a direct result of being regularly so close to a narcissist.

One of my specialties is helping those who are victims of narcissistic abuse. Another is doing marital therapy for couples when the husband is a narcissist. Please pray for me, my clients, and all narcissists. Thank you, dearly.