10/15/2025
Imagine being a few months old.
Your entire world is touch, sound, smell, and warmth. You canât walk, canât talk, canât reason⊠all you know is the feeling of being held close, the rhythm of a heartbeat, the familiar sound of the voice that comforts you. You donât understand time or logic or independence, only connection.
Then one night, you cry. Not because youâre spoiled. Not because youâre trying to manipulate anyone. You cry because you feel something⊠hunger, loneliness, fear, gas, overstimulation, or just the emptiness of not being held. Your cry is communication. Itâs your only language.
But this time, no one comes.
You cry harder, your heart races, your body floods with cortisol⊠the stress hormone that your small system doesnât yet know how to manage. You arch your back, kick your legs, gasp between sobs. But no one responds. Eventually, your cries quiet⊠not because youâve learned to âself-soothe,â but because your nervous system has gone into a state of shutdown. The stress is still there, youâve just learned that crying no longer brings safety.
This is what happens during sleep training. Babies are not learning independence, theyâre learning silence. They stop crying because their little brains have adapted to the absence of response, not because they suddenly developed emotional regulation.
A babyâs brain is still forming. Every time we respond, weâre literally wiring their neural pathways for trust, safety, and emotional security. Every ignored cry teaches the opposite.
Neuroscientist Dr. Darcia Narvaez explains that âletting babies cry alone leads to overactive stress systems and underdeveloped self-regulation.â Dr. Allan Schore, a leading expert in neurobiology, adds that âthe motherâs responsiveness during infancy directly shapes the babyâs ability to manage stress and build resilience.â
We cannot teach a baby to soothe themselves by withdrawing love.
We can only teach safety through presence.
We can only build trust through response.
Babies cry for connection, not control.
They need regulation, not isolation.
And they need us, not just for food or warmth, but to feel safe enough to rest.
Stop sleep training babies.
Hold them.
Answer them.
Teach them the world is safe.
Because someday, that sense of safety becomes the foundation for everythingâŠ. confidence, empathy, love, and trust.