Ataraxis

11/29/2025

What you think is not always what is real 🧠✨

One of the most powerful things we can learn is this truth… a thought is not a fact. Our mind creates stories to protect us, to predict danger, or to fill in gaps when things feel uncertain. That does not mean the story is true.

So much of healing is learning to pause before believing the first thing your mind tells you. To breathe. To ask… where did this thought come from. Is this mine or is it something I was taught to believe. Is this coming from fear, old patterns, childhood imprinting, or the nervous system trying to keep me safe.

A simple example… you walk into the gym, grab a set of weights, and a couple people nearby start snickering. Instantly your mind jumps to… they are laughing at me. I must look stupid. I must be doing something wrong.

But if you slow that moment down you see something different. They were talking to each other about something that happened earlier in their week. It had nothing to do with you. Your mind made it personal because it wanted to predict threat before it could happen.

This is why pausing matters. This is why self awareness matters. When you question your thoughts you break the automatic cycle. You step out of old programming and into clarity. You give yourself room to respond instead of react.

You cannot control every thought that arrives but you can learn to choose which ones to keep.

That is where your freedom lives. ✨

Thought is not reality, but the thoughts we believe in become our reality. In this video, we explore how our belief in thoughts determines our lives, how to ...

11/08/2025

Rest yourself. Be who you truly are.

You can’t heal a stressed body with a stressed brain.

The brain controls your hormones, immune system, cardiovascular health, digestion, and sleep.🧠
When it’s dysregulated, everything else falls out of rhythm.

Balance the brain first, and the body remembers how to heal.✨

11/08/2025

To every person who has ever experienced domestic violence in any form, this is your moment to be seen. You do not need to tell your story. You do not need to explain. You do not need to relive your pain. You only need to stand up and let the world see how many of us there are. If you have ever • Been afraid to speak your truth • Walked on eggshells to stay safe • Been gaslit, controlled, shamed, or silenced • Been hit, threatened, or made to doubt your worth Then please simply repost this and add one emoji of your choice ❤️ 🕯️ 🦋 🌹 🔥 🌻 Every emoji is a life. Every share is a story. Every voice is a step toward change. Let’s make the truth visible. Let’s show the world the real numbers. We are not hiding anymore. 🔴🟢🔵🟣

10/31/2025

06/19/2025

Have you noticed how abuse so often comes with silence?

Not just the silence they demand from you, but the silence they create inside you.

They twist your words,
They deny what happened,
They mock your emotions,
They call you dramatic,
They tell you it is all in your head.

And little by little, you stop speaking.
You stop trusting your voice.
You stop sharing your truth.

But here is what they fear the most:

💥 You speaking up
💥 You showing the screenshots
💥 You telling someone what they said behind closed doors
💥 You shining light on the patterns they try so hard to hide

Even sharing the smallest example—
A text that made you shrink,
A moment that made you freeze,
A comment that made you question your own mind—
It matters,
It counts,
It breaks the silence.

Your voice does not have to roar to be powerful.
Sometimes it begins with just one sentence,
One comment,
One moment of saying, this hurt me and this was not okay.

If you feel ready, share something small in the comments.
Something they told you never to say,
Something they laughed at or denied,
Something that still lingers in your chest.

Let this be a space where your voice is not just allowed, it is honored.

🧡 You are not too sensitive,
🧡 You are not crazy,
🧡 You are reclaiming your power.

The world is ready to hear you.

06/14/2025

💡 Success isn’t built in a day.
It’s built in the moments when you choose to keep going.
When you write it down. When you recommit.
When you look at your goals and say:
“I’m not giving up on you.”

📔 Making Intentional Change isn’t just a planner.
It’s your daily checkpoint.
Your quiet motivator.
Your personal blueprint for what comes next.

🎯 Each page invites you to reflect, reset, and take intentional steps forward; whether they’re baby steps or bold leaps.
Because real progress doesn’t come from perfection.
It comes from perseverance.

🌱 Some days, you’ll soar.
Other days, you’ll stumble.
But every day, this journal holds space for you to remember your “why,” track your growth, and stay rooted in your vision.

Your future isn’t a far-off dream.
It’s a path you’re building, one written intention at a time.

📘 Ready to get clear, stay consistent, and move forward no matter what?
Grab your copy of Making Intentional Change today.
Let your goals know you’re serious.

✨ Don’t just survive the day. Shape your future.

📥 DM me for bundle options, coaching add-ons, or how to use this planner in your wellness practice, school, or support program.



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06/02/2025

Understanding the Dark Tetrad in Relationships

The Dark Tetrad refers to four overlapping but distinct personality traits that are often seen in individuals who engage in manipulation, emotional harm, and relational abuse. These traits include:

1. Narcissism – This involves an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of genuine empathy. In relationships, narcissists often expect special treatment, become hostile when criticized, and may exploit their partner’s kindness to serve their own ego.

2. Machiavellianism – Marked by deceit, manipulation, and a strategic use of charm. Individuals high in Machiavellian traits tend to treat relationships like games. They may lie, feign affection, or pit people against each other to maintain control and gain advantage.

3. Psychopathy – Associated with impulsivity, lack of remorse, and emotional coldness. In intimate relationships, psychopaths may seem thrilling or intense at first, but they often engage in risky behavior, show no guilt when they cause harm, and are unable to form genuine emotional bonds.

4. Sa**sm – Characterized by deriving pleasure from causing others pain or discomfort. Sadistic individuals may intentionally inflict emotional, psychological, or even physical harm, and feel satisfaction when their partner is distressed or degraded.

These traits do not always appear in obvious ways. Often, people with these patterns are socially skilled, charming, and persuasive. However, beneath the surface, they tend to devalue others, view empathy as a weakness, and see love not as a bond but as a tool for control.

In relationships, the risks are serious.
People high in Dark Tetrad traits are more likely to gaslight, blame shift, isolate, financially entrap, and escalate emotional or physical harm if they feel rejected or exposed. They are often drawn to kind, empathetic individuals because such partners are easier to manipulate.

If you find yourself constantly questioning your reality, feeling drained, walking on eggshells, or being blamed for your own boundaries, it may be time to look deeper. These behaviors are not normal, and they are not love.

Awareness is protection. Education is prevention. Your safety and emotional health matter.

05/23/2025

Regret Is Not Repair: Understanding the Difference and Why It Matters

In many relationships, mistakes are made. A raised voice, a tense moment, or even a hurtful comment can occur. When these moments are met with honesty, responsibility, and a clear plan to change, that is what real repair looks like. But not all remorse is created equal. Many people confuse regret with repair, and in doing so, they stay stuck in harmful cycles. This post explores the difference between regret and repair, how to spot avoidance masked as sorrow, and what real healing looks like in a relationship.

Regret Without Change Is Not Healing

It is important to understand that regret can exist without responsibility. Someone can feel bad, cry, or say they are sorry without ever truly acknowledging the harm they caused. This is often used to bypass accountability. When someone harms you, then quickly shifts into a display of sorrow, they may be performing remorse, not offering repair.

A common pattern in these situations is the "circle of trying." They say they are trying, they say they do not intend to do it again, they say this is not who they are. They may blame you for the incident, claiming you triggered them or made them act out. They will tell you it has never happened before, and that it is not normal for them.

Here is the truth: if it truly was not normal for them, it would concern them enough to immediately seek professional help. People who are afraid of becoming someone they do not want to be will take action. If it is normal for them, they will avoid therapy. They will avoid being seen clearly. Because deep down, they carry shame they are not ready to face. That shame is not yours. It does not belong to you.

Regret alone keeps you locked in place, emotionally invested in the idea that things will get better when nothing changes. Repair, on the other hand, means they are taking action.

Avoidance of Accountability Is a Red Flag

A person who avoids addressing the harm they caused is giving you clear information. When they avoid talking about the details, deny the impact, or shift the focus back onto their feelings, they are avoiding accountability. This is a red flag.

Imagine your car making a horrible grinding noise. You would not ignore it. You would take it to a mechanic. Or picture someone cutting their hand deeply. They would not sit and cry, hoping it heals on its own. They would get medical help.

Emotional and physical harm in relationships needs the same attention. If someone harms you, then avoids getting help, they are showing you that this behavior is not accidental. It is a pattern they are unwilling to change.

You Are Not the Problem

One of the most damaging effects of performative remorse is how it can make survivors feel. You are not wrong for being hurt. You are not weak for speaking up. You are not the problem for needing the behavior to stop.

The real problem is when someone uses your empathy against you. When they cry to avoid being held accountable. When they rely on your forgiveness as a shortcut to healing. That is not love. That is manipulation.

What Real Repair Looks Like

Real repair is not a single conversation or a moment of emotion. It is a process that involves continuous, visible, and tangible effort from the person who caused the harm, and a path of restoration and safety for the one who was harmed.

For the person who did the harming, repair looks like this:

1. Immediate and specific acknowledgment of the behavior that was harmful. Not general apologies like "I'm sorry for everything," but direct statements such as "I yelled at you and called you names. That was wrong."

2. Taking ownership without excuses or blame shifting. This means no justifications like "I was triggered" or "You made me feel that way."

3. Seeking outside help from qualified professionals such as therapists, trauma-informed coaches, or counselors. They need to learn emotional regulation, conflict resolution, and healthy communication skills.

4. Creating and communicating a clear action plan for how they will address their behavior going forward. This may include regular therapy sessions, reading specific books, or implementing daily tools to manage stress and emotions.

5. Checking in with the person they harmed to understand the impact of their actions and asking what is needed for that person to feel safe and respected. This must be done with humility and without expectation of immediate forgiveness.

6. Demonstrating change consistently over time. Real growth is shown in a reduction in the intensity, frequency, and presence of harmful behavior. It is measured in self-control, not self-pity.

For the person who was harmed, repair involves:

Having their experience validated. Their perspective and feelings must be heard and acknowledged as real, not questioned or minimized.

Being given space and time to process, heal, and decide what they need. There should be no pressure to forgive, move on, or pretend everything is fine.

Feeling and observing real change before engaging in deeper vulnerability or emotional intimacy again.

Setting clear boundaries and having those boundaries respected, without resistance or punishment.

Receiving consistent and safe behavior from the person who hurt them, not just promises or apologies.

Repair is not just about making amends. It is about rebuilding trust, safety, and respect. It is a mutual process, but the weight of the work initially rests on the one who caused harm.

Growth Means the Pattern Changes

Change is measurable. What you should see in someone who is truly growing is a decrease in intensity, a reduction in how often the behavior happens, and an increased effort to repair when mistakes are made.

What you should not see is consistency in; escalation, or avoidance. Those are signs of denial, not development.

And for those who claim their abuse was reactive, know this, being triggered is not the same as choosing to harm someone else. Emotional regulation is a skill that can be learned. But it requires willingness and effort.

You Deserve More Than Regret

You deserve more than a cycle of harm followed by apologies. You deserve more than someone who asks for forgiveness but never makes the changes needed to stop hurting you. You deserve repair.

Because repair is not just words. It is action. It is consistency. It is accountability. And it is possible; but only when someone is ready to truly face themselves and do the work.

If this resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Whether you are navigating your own healing or trying to make sense of someone else’s behavior, your clarity is valid. And your peace is worth protecting.

Coming June 2025, the book Calm and Collected will take these insights even deeper. This resource explores the subtle dynamics of abuse, what often does not look like abuse from the outside, but deeply harms you when you are living through it. The book explains what real repair requires, step by step, and why it is essential for both the person who caused harm and the one who was harmed to get support. It is not just about ending abuse. It is about learning how to hold your boundaries in a healthy, grounded way. When you start holding boundaries around accountability, emotionally immature people will often throw tantrums. They may shame you, blame you, or avoid the work. That is part of their cycle. But it does not need to be part of yours.

Calm and Collected is written for survivors, advocates, and anyone ready to understand emotional abuse with clarity and strength. Look on Amazon for it at the end of June 2025.

05/21/2025

“Clarity creates direction. Alignment creates momentum.”
Let this be the week you choose your path — and trust your pace.

05/16/2025

What Is a Trauma Loop?

A trauma loop is a repeating cycle of emotional reactivity based on unprocessed trauma. When someone hasn’t healed from early or repeated emotional injuries, especially abandonment, betrayal, or neglect, they unconsciously recreate those same feelings in current relationships. It’s not logical. It’s deeply emotional and somatic (body-based).

How It Plays Out in Behavior:

1. Trigger: You set a boundary or stay calm instead of rescuing them.
Their body senses rejection, shame, or abandonment.

2. Emotional Flooding: They panic. They might not recognize it, but their brain perceives danger, not just disagreement.

3. Reaction: They lashe out, accuse, flip the narrative. Their system is trying to regain control and soothe the panic they feel.

4. Temporary Relief: If they get a reaction from you, even negative, it affirms the loop:
“See? I matter. I can affect her. I’m not alone.”

5. Collapse or Withdrawal: Once the intensity passes or they don't get what they want, they spiral into guilt, depression, or martyrdom. Then they may reinitiate the cycle with “I love you” or “I’m broken.”

This is not always conscious. But it’s deeply patterned.

Why It’s Like Addiction:

The chemicals involved, cortisol, adrenaline, dopamine—become a familiar emotional cocktail.

Even though it’s painful, the rush of emotional engagement becomes a source of aliveness.

Calm, regulated connection may actually feel foreign, unsafe, or disconnected to someone raised in chaos or abuse.

Examples of the Loop Addiction:

They says you’re “destroying them,” then moments later says “I love you.”

They accuses you of being cruel, then begs for connection.

They ignore your boundaries, but when you stop responding, they flood with more accusations or love bombing.

They are chasing the emotional spike not resolution.

Why You Can’t Interrupt It Alone:

Because the loop feeds on interaction. Whether you explain, defend, or stay calm, your presence gives the cycle energy.

To break it:

You have to step out entirely, like removing oxygen from a fire.

They have to recognize the loop, and be willing to sit in the withdrawal from that emotional high, which often feels like abandonment or death to a trauma wired nervous system.

Breaking a trauma loop requires radical self-honesty, emotional regulation, and a deep commitment to change without blaming others or chasing outcomes. It demands that someone sit with shame, discomfort, and vulnerability without turning it into blame or control.

Most people stuck in these loops don’t break free without consistent therapy and real inner work, in fact averagely less than 10% of people are determined enough, strong enough, or brave enough; because peace often feels unfamiliar compared to the emotional chaos they’re used to. Healing is possible, but only for those willing to choose growth over ego, truth over comfort, and accountability over defensiveness.

To those trapped in the trauma loop,

I am so deeply sorry. Not in pity, but in reverence for the weight you carry and the exhaustion you feel from cycling through hope, hurt, regret, and fear. I see the parts of you that are desperate to feel safe, to feel loved, to feel in control of the pain that never quite goes away.

You didn’t ask for this. You didn’t create the wounds that made survival feel like chaos. And yet you live in it, often alone with the echo of memories that never settled, and patterns that play out before you even realize you’re repeating them.

I’m sorry the world hasn’t always made space for your healing. I’m sorry if love has looked more like a battlefield than a balm. I’m sorry that when you try to speak, it feels like no one hears what you really mean underneath the words.

But you are not broken. You are not beyond repair. There is still something sacred in you simething untouched by the damage, something waiting to be reclaimed. I believe in the part of you that is watching this cycle and saying, I want something better.

You deserve better. You deserve peace that doesn’t depend on tension. You deserve love that doesn’t hurt to hold.

And if no one has said it recently, let me say it clearly, your pain is valid, your story matters, and you are not alone.

♡

05/15/2025