Virginia K Cailleteau, MSW, LICSW

10/15/2025

🧠💥 COPING MECHANISMS

(aka “Why you deep-clean the tack room, scroll TikTok till 2am, or suddenly decide to move to the Outer Hebrides and start an alpaca farm.”)

Let’s make it pony simple. 🐴
Because coping and keeping ourselves safe isn’t weakness , it’s your nervous system doing its best. Every behaviour once made sense, even if it doesn’t fit your life now.....

Meet the Five Ponies of Coping:

🤍 The Functional Pony – does the job, stays busy, looks fine. Keeps the yard spotless while quietly avoiding eye contact with emotions.
(This one’s the “I’m fine!” text when they are definitely not fine.)

🖤 The Flight Pony – runs. Changes stables, jobs, partners, entire continents. The emotional equivalent of a thoroughbred mid-spook.

(It’s not avoidance, it’s strategic relocation.)

🤎 The Freeze Pony – stands in the field, blank stare, brain buffering. No energy for fight or flight, just… stillness.

(If you’ve ever sat in your car after work for half an hour doing absolutely nothing—hi, that’s this one.)

💚 The Fawn Pony – people-pleases to stay safe. Nods, smiles, says “no worries!” while quietly disintegrating inside.

(The emotional service pony—adorable, exhausted, and due a week off.)

❤️ The Fight Pony – kicks the stable door when scared. Looks angry, but underneath it’s just panic in a saddle. Fierce loyalty, quick temper, heart of gold.

(This is why you argue with your loved one when you really just need a hug.)

💡Coping mechanisms and trauma responses aren’t bad. They’re clever adaptations that once kept you safe.

The goal isn’t to get rid of them.......it’s to recognise when the danger’s passed and the pasture’s finally calm.

05/31/2025

Equi Evolution launched in 2019...

At the time, it was just me and Chase, and all I knew was that I wanted to share the most powerful growth and healing I had personally experienced in a way that would help others.

I initially leaned into that space with a bit of a savior complex and a strong belief that we offered the “best” wellness alternative out there—horses.

I mean seriously, what’s better than that?

More than 6 years into this journey and I have significantly shifted my views (this work has a tendency to do that). It challenges what we think we know, pushes us to see things from new perspectives, and opens our hearts and minds in a way we may have never realized possible.

While I still believe horses are absolutely incredible for supporting growth and learning, I’ve come down off my “high horse” (pun intended) and learned a few things myself along the way.

Here are some serious lessons I’ve learned as a practitioner of equine-inspired learning:

🐴Nervous system health is the core of this work.

Just because we tell someone, “You are safe here,” does not automatically mean their body and brain believe it. Holding space & honoring autonomy through a trauma-informed lens is the most important way we can support this, and it doesn’t happen overnight. Patience & allowing are crucial to supporting safety, building trust, and facilitating a journey towards nervous system regulation.

🐴There is no one-size-fits-all path.

Horses can be incredible allies in growth, but they’re not the only path. Just because some people find growth and comfortability here, doesn’t mean this is the best journey for everyone. Leaving room for people to dislike the experience and choose spaces that best meet their needs and goals is not only ok, it should be encouraged.

🐴This work is never “done.”

Whether you're here for one session or you end up sticking around for years, there is no final stage of learning and growth. We’re all learning, all the time. Growth is a practice, not a performance.

🐴The horses are not here to carry our pain.

While their presence has many wonderful benefits, horses are living, breathing beings with their own needs, stories, and nervous systems. If we’re not actively protecting their autonomy in this work, we’re not doing it right.

🐴This work isn’t about rescuing anyone.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking we need to save the world, especially when we care so deeply. But true support isn’t about stepping in to fix or force someone to a predetermined outcome. It’s about creating the conditions where people (and horses) can access their own inner resources. Our job is to hold space, not hold the answers—to offer a container for growth, not control the direction it takes.

These lessons weren’t learned from behind a desk—they were lived—in muddy paddocks, in uncomfortable truths, in moments there are no scripts for.

This work isn’t about “fixing” so you’re well enough to fit back into the box. It’s about creating space to feel what’s real. Noticing what your body’s been holding. And getting honest about what’s yours (and what was never meant for you to carry).

At the farm, the goal is simple:
That you feel safer in your own body so you can feel safer as you move through the world. That’s literally it. Because it’s in that space that you can finally see and feel and honor your true authenticity

…and that is where peace and healing really live.


📸Epona Media

04/30/2025

This is an amazing program through which I'm honored to serve our honored veterans.

As we wrap us April as National Counseling Awareness Month, we highlight this as a time to honor the important work counselors do in fostering mental health and wellness. This month offers Washington Department of Veterans Affairs (WDVA) an opportunity to acknowledge the Counseling and Wellness contracted counselors who support Washington’s Veterans and their families every day, while also addressing some of the challenges created by military service.

The War Trauma Program, previously known as the PTSD/War Trauma Outpatient Program, was created around 1984 by Tom Schumacher, LMHC, and provides no cost, clinical, out-patient confidential counseling. Our services have some differences to those offered at the Federal VA , more specifically family members are eligible, and are private and confidential between the client and the counselor.

For more information, please visit: https://www.dva.wa.gov/counseling

09/27/2024

So thankful to partner with this program.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/SeiLKxB1aekmE2QA/?mibextid=oFDknk

11/29/2023

📸 Look at this post on Facebook
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=751340873700584&id=100064740336823&mibextid=CDWPTG

Behavioral health support can come in many different forms. If you're looking for something different, try Horses Guiding Humans Equine-Assisted Therapy, located in Graham! This is for children and adults age 10+ years old, and up to 8 free sessions are available. Learn more by calling 360-339-6084 or emailing info@horsesguidinghumans.com 🐴 💙

09/27/2023

Borrowed because it's SO TRUE. Here's to building lives from which we need not escape.

08/18/2023

Here's a little taste of what i do Mondays and Tuesdays. We'd love to see you at Horses Guiding Humans if this piques your interest!

05/26/2023

Honored to have the opportunity to participate in this program, learn up close about all the work these folks do day in and day out to serve our community, and learn how to support them in that work!

05/26/2023

Busy start to the summer with a week-long immersion in EAGALA equine assisted work!

04/23/2023

Great discussion of authentic self-care vs faux self-care 😌

"You can't meditate yourself out of a 40-hour work week with no childcare and no paid sick days," says Dr. Pooja Lakshmin. But when you're overworked and overwhelmed, what actually can you do? On this episode, host B.A. Parker asks: What are your options when a bubble bath won't cut it?

02/14/2023