04/02/2026
In our couples work at Tranquility Counseling, we often use the Gottman Method—a research-based approach to strengthening relationships. One of the most important concepts is identifying The Four Horsemen.
These are four communication styles that, if left unchecked, can predict the end of a relationship. Recognizing them is the first step toward changing them.
Criticism: Attacking your partner’s character rather than a specific behavior. (Instead, try a Gentle Start-up.)
Contempt: The most destructive horseman. It involves eye-rolling, sarcasm, or name-calling intended to make your partner feel inferior. (Instead, build a Culture of Appreciation.)
Defensiveness: Playing the victim or making excuses to avoid taking responsibility. (Instead, try taking Responsibility for even a small part of the problem.)
Stonewalling: Shutting down or withdrawing from the conversation to avoid conflict. (Instead, practice Physiological Self-Soothed breaks.)
Every couple uses these at some point, but healthy couples learn to recognize the "Horsemen" and use their "Antidotes" to repair the connection.
Is your relationship feeling stuck in these patterns? Our Gottman-trained therapists can give you the tools to replace conflict with connection.
Click the link in our bio to book a couples session today!
