12/03/2025
Couples come to me with long lists of everything their partner does that doesn’t work.
And those things matter.
What we notice in our partners is valuable information about where they’re defended, where they shut down, where they get rigid, where old protective patterns take over.
These patterns affect the connection, and they deserve attention.
But here’s the part most people miss:
When they try to create change, they do it by convincing, explaining, arguing, or “helping” their partner understand the situation the way they see it.
They think if their partner could just understand their logic, their perspective, their rationale…
the relationship would suddenly shift.
It rarely, if ever, works.
The real medicine… the thing that actually creates change…happens somewhere entirely different.
It happens when one partner softens the impulse to convince & shifts into communication that’s tender, vulnerable, and emotionally honest.
It happens when you speak from the part of you that’s hurting, longing, or scared
not the part that’s lecturing or proving.
It happens when your boundaries are clear,
your heart is open,
and your accountability is embodied instead of demanded.
That’s what invites healing.
That’s what shifts long-standing patterns.
That’s what creates the safety needed for real transformation.
If you want support learning how to regulate, communicate, and create change in your relationship in a way that actually works, I created a free masterclass that walks you through the exact process.
Comment CLASS and I’ll send you the link.
P.S. My private couples coaching rates increase on January 1st.
If you know you want deeper support in 2026 and you’re ready to start the year with guidance, tools, and practices that strengthen and expand your love now is the time to enroll. Spots are limited. DM me to inquire!
