12/11/2025
The holidays can stir a very specific kind of grief. Not only the grief of what happened, but the grief of what never took shape in the first place.
Even when you know distance from family is what keeps you steady, there can still be a quiet sadness underneath it. A sadness for the version of family you hoped was possible.
That grief is real. It’s the recognition that certain kinds of closeness or safety never fully formed. And when the season revolves around home and togetherness, that gap can feel sharper.
It’s common to feel more than one thing at once. The sense that you’re doing what is healthiest for you, and the pain of wishing it didn’t have to be this way. Confusion about why something you chose still hurts. Even frustration that the past still has an emotional hold on you.
Nothing is wrong with feeling that mix of clarity and grief. It doesn’t undo the progress you’ve made. It simply shows how deeply you’ve always needed connection that felt safe.
If this season feels heavy, give yourself room to notice it without judgment. There’s value in acknowledging what was missing, and real strength in being honest about what hurts.
And if you’re sitting with all of this wondering what you’re supposed to do next, you’re not alone. Grief like this takes time. It starts to ease when you let yourself feel what’s actually there instead of pushing it down, when you can speak the truth of your experience without turning it against yourself, and when you let supportive people offer whatever care they can.
It shifts a little when you slow down enough to notice what’s happening, whether that looks like a quiet moment or tears you didn’t expect. And over time, it changes as you face the reality that you can’t turn your family into something they’ve never been, even if you wish things could have been different.
You may not have had the family you hoped for, but you can still experience love and safety in the relationships you choose now.
