12/25/2025
i shakily shared recently at her funeral how my grandmother met me through this calendar (and then subsequently through a passage, “be an angel” in the meditation devotional, journey to the heart)
days after she passed, I returned to it, this vintage calendar that holds some wonderful childhood magic with the love of my parents woven through. and now, another understanding of why i had wanted this piece of nostalgia so intently.
there is no order for the ornaments, randomly stuck in pockets at the end of each season, beside the star designated for christmas eve.
when I pulled from the 12th, the day she passed, the angel ornament is what was there.
in that moment, a grief lodged memory dropped down and I heard in her voice, like I had all my life, “you’re my angel.” as if she was right beside me. a moment I hope to never forget.
this time of year brings much joy for me and a tenderness that is so thick that even if I wasn’t practiced I would be forced to take my time.
other traditions remind us that this time of year, during the winter solstice, the transition of seasons, the veil is thin and spirit has a clearer shot of making its way to heart if we are open. for me, someone who carries the weight of grief a bit heavier this time of year, this understanding also offers a level of peace and connection that circles me right back to hope and joy.
the year our beloved aunt passed on december 17 (and far sooner than fair), we limped ourselves to the candlelight christmas eve service clinging to any light we could find to keep the holiday spirit alive for us, and for our kids.
before entering the sanctuary there was a guest book (which I am not sure I ever even noticed before) and the last name on the ledger, Becky Helmers. she was here. she was there. she was letting us know she was ok and still very much with us. a moment I hope to also never forget.
you don’t have to believe but oh my how this belief has expanded my heart.
my wish for us all is that we keep open for the light and that it reminds us we are connected, we are loved and we are supported.
may spirit meet you well this season and may the light find and lift you too.