Conscious Relationship Group

Conscious Relationship Group Concious Relationship Group offers individual & couples coaching and online courses for building, healthy conscious relationships.
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Order Jessica's new book, SAFE, and get free powerful gifts to support your journey at jessicabaumlmhc.com/safe Founded by Jessica Baum LMHC in 2017, Be Self-full is a team of highly skilled psychotherapists who help individuals with relationship issues. We are deeply committed to helping people move from a state of loneliness and confusion to a place of safety and contentment with hope for the future. Whether you are in a relationship or single, struggling with dependency or trauma, in order to move forward, cultivating a deeper understanding of your own self is paramount. In doing deeper core work—and understanding why we find ourselves stuck in patterns and situations—we are able to form healthier relationships with ourselves and consequently, have healthier relationships with others. The core of most mental health issues centers around getting to know your truth, understanding how and why you are where you are, and then creating awareness and a deeper understanding around it. Once you connect with yourself—and only then—can you start to develop healthier relationships with yourself and those around you.

This gets missed a lot in conversations like this: Most anxiously attached people are aware of the red flags. You can se...
03/20/2026

This gets missed a lot in conversations like this: Most anxiously attached people are aware of the red flags. You can see them, but you also know there is so much more to the story than what others can see.

Part of you recognizes what isn't working in your relationship, but another part of your nervous system still feels attached to the connection, especially when it includes moments of intimacy, relief, or emotional intensity. I've talked about that in previous posts.

But there is another layer that we haven't talked about enough.

Sometimes, healthier relationships don't feel immediately believable. Sure, you see other people in them, and they are all over TV and movies.

But when your early experiences with relationships included inconsistency, unpredictability, or emotional distance, then your nervous system may have learned to associate those patterns with attachment and relationships. Not to mention, it's often challenging to see other types of relationships as possible when what you witnessed growing up is what you're experiencing today.

And then if someone more stable, calm, and emotionally available does come along, it feels completely unfamiliar and too good to be true. You struggle to trust that they're real and just end up waiting for the other shoe to drop. It still doesn't feel safe, well, at first.

That's why there is more to this than identifying red flags. There is deeper work to be done, because to really experience the healthier relationships you want deep down, you have to build the ability to recognize, tolerate, and trust them for what they actually are.

You have to learn to stay present with their steadiness, question the belief that it's too good to be true, and start allowing yourself to experience a different kind of relationship.

This doesn't happen overnight, but over time, your nervous system can start to learn that safe and consistent love is not only possible, but something you're actually allowed to have.

You deserve more than red flags.

One of the most challenging parts of being anxiously attached is sensing a shift in the connection and then see what the...
03/18/2026

One of the most challenging parts of being anxiously attached is sensing a shift in the connection and then see what the mind does with that information next.

Many people with anxious patterns pick up on subtle changes in their relationships, whether it's a tone change, delayed response, or difference in energy. Your nervous system has trained for a long time to pick up those shifts quickly.

However, there is a difference between sensing something and knowing exactly what it means.

When your nervous system picks up on a change, your mind naturally tries to make sense of it as quickly as possible, typically by using stories from your past experiences.

So, the story often sounds like:

"I did something wrong."
"They're losing interest."
"They're pulling away."

Your brain wants to fill in the gaps of the unknown by using patterns it learned before. But the truth is, a shift in someone's mood or behavior can have many explanations that have nothing to do with the stability of the relationship.

This is often where the work of building a more secure attachment comes in. Instead of trying to just ignore your senses or react to the story, you create space between the sensation and the story your mind has created about it.

Over time, that pause allows you to gather more information, communicate more clearly, and respond from the present moment rather than a past relational wound.

And that small space can slowly change the way relationships feel.

Always grateful for a new Leonardo DiCaprio meme. 😂Anyway, here's the thing: You know the patterns by now. Or, at least,...
03/16/2026

Always grateful for a new Leonardo DiCaprio meme. 😂

Anyway, here's the thing: You know the patterns by now. Or, at least, you're starting to learn then.

You know the red flags your friends are pointing out, learned that inconsistency isn't actually what you want, and that intense chemistry doesn't always mean compatibility. And yet, sometimes it's still incredibly hard to do something different.

If you've ever wondered why you can learn something new and not put it into action, here's why: Your patterns live within your nervous system, deep within the subconscious.

So, when a relationship is unpredictable, with closeness followed by distance or attention followed by withdrawal, your brain can become highly activated by it.

Dopamine increases during moments of reconnection, and oxytocin increases when closeness returns. This makes your nervous system start to associate the emotional rollercoaster you're on with attachment itself.

And yes, this is why you can see red flags clearly, but still chase the feeling of relief and connection when the distance temporarily disappears. It also makes it one of the reasons people stay in the anxious-avoidant dynamic. It's really hard to leave.

It's not simply "knowing better." There is a process of helping your nervous system learn that steadiness, consistency, and emotional safety are actually what secure, healthy relationships look like, even if they initially feel unfamiliar or boring.

Let's be honest, rollercoasters always seem more fun at first, right?

And you can't shift this overnight. It takes awareness, compassion, and repeated experiences of healthier connection before your nervous system can recognize that something different is possible.

What if future-faking wasn't always an intentional form of manipulation like many people assume? Listen, it absolutely c...
03/13/2026

What if future-faking wasn't always an intentional form of manipulation like many people assume? Listen, it absolutely can be. However, sometimes it's more complicated than what we're able to see at a surface-level.

When we experience an early romantic connection, the brain releases powerful bonding chemicals, including dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine gives you more excitement and anticipation, while oxytocin increases feelings of closeness and trust.

So, in this place, the brain naturally starts to imagine a future with the person you're connecting with. This is a part of how human attachment works, because our nervous system is wired to imagine long-term connections as a way to strengthen attachment bonds.

Here's where things get more confusing, though.

For people who struggle with emotional regulation or have more avoidant patterns, their brain can get swept up in the emotional intensity of the moment, while another part of the nervous system still feels threatened by the intimacy and connection that's happening.

So, while the future they're describing to you may genuinely reflect what they're actually feeling in the moment, once the relationship begins to require consistency, vulnerability, or a deeper commitment, their nervous system shifts into self-protection.

Suddenly, the same person who imagined an entire future with you suddenly pulls away from it.

And, let's all be honest, it absolutely sucks. The point of posts like these isn't to explain away the behaviors or the pain that comes from them. Instead, the hope is to build understanding that some behaviors are less intentional manipulation and more from nervous systems that can't sustain the intimacy it initially imagined.

Wondering what a healthier relationship might look like here? The future isn't described as much as it's slowly, consciously built through consistent, grounded actions over time. You're looking for real follow through here.

They say they want to go on a trip with you AND start planning it with you.

They say they want to move in with you one day AND start thinking through timelines and reality.

That's what you're looking for.

When someone has more avoidant attachment patterns, emotional closeness, vulnerability, or intimacy can sometimes activa...
03/11/2026

When someone has more avoidant attachment patterns, emotional closeness, vulnerability, or intimacy can sometimes activate their nervous system rather than soothe it, like it does for more avoidantly attached people.

For many, intimacy can bring comfort and regulation. However, for someone whose earliest experiences taught them that closeness could feel overwhelming, intrusive, or emotionally unsafe, vulnerability can trigger protective responses.

One of the most common ways that avoidant protection shows up is through creating space, but it doesn't always look the same.

It can look like taking longer to respond to messages, avoiding emotionally heavy conversations, spending more time alone, focusing on work or responsibilities, or emotionally withdrawing during moments of vulnerability.

Sometimes, it can even show up through creating conflict, like small arguments or suddenly questioning the relationship to create some distance after closeness increases.

These behaviors are typically how the avoidantly attached person attempts to regulate their nervous system, not necessarily to punish or even reject a partner. But, you and I both know that doesn't mean it doesn't have an impact.

For someone who is more anxiously attached, the same distance can activate their fear of abandonment. Your nervous system starts scanning for signs of disconnection, which can lead to pursuing, questioning, or trying to restore closeness, even to the detriment of themselves.

And this is the anxious-avoidant dance in a nutshell. One partner creates space to regulate, while the other moves closer to regulate.

Posts like these aren't meant to try to get anyone to tolerate unhealthy behaviors in their relationships, but to help you see and understand the cycle more clearly and respond from awareness instead of confusion.

By understanding how your nervous system works and responds, especially in relationships, you can begin to try to shift those patterns and move toward more security.

Let me guess: They started to pull away right as things were finally getting good in the relationship? And then they cam...
03/09/2026

Let me guess: They started to pull away right as things were finally getting good in the relationship? And then they came back after a bit?

This pattern with avoidantly attached partners is complicated. While sure, there may be some who are doing it intentionally, many avoidantly attached partners are in this cycle subconsciously due to their nervous system.

The carousel will walk you through understanding it, but the deeper work is learning how to step out of it.

Breaking the cycle doesn't usually happen because one person finally says the perfect thing or waits long enough for the other to change. To actually break the cycle, each person needs to understand their own nervous system patterns.

For the anxious partner, this might mean learning to regulate their fear of abandonment and no longer chasing closeness when distance appears.

For the avoidant partner, this often means learning to tolerate vulnerability and staying present when intimacy increases instead of withdrawing.

Neither pattern is easy to shift, because both were designed to protect you. But when people become aware of these patterns and start responding differently, the dynamic can begin to change.

And honestly, it's going to take time and steadiness. That's where secure relationships can begin.

I get it. I really do. This question or response to avoidantly attached partners usually reflects real pain from people ...
03/05/2026

I get it. I really do. This question or response to avoidantly attached partners usually reflects real pain from people who've experienced distance or withdrawal in relationships.

But it's important to remember that attachment patterns, for anyone, aren't conscious choices. They are nervous system adaptations that develop over time.

People with more avoidant patterns typically want to connect just as much as anyone else, and don't usually (there are always exceptions, of course) set out to cause harm in a relationship. The challenge comes when increasing emotional closeness activates protective responses in the nervous system.

Now, understanding this doesn't ever excuse hurtful or harmful behaviors, but it can shift the conversation from blame to awareness.

When we begin to understand how attachment patterns work, we can move toward building relationships based on steadiness, safety, and mutual regulation.

No, it wasn't all in your head. Even though it can definitely feel like it sometimes when you're in a relationship with ...
03/04/2026

No, it wasn't all in your head. Even though it can definitely feel like it sometimes when you're in a relationship with someone with more avoidant patterns.

Attachment bonds form through neurobiology, driven by oxytocin released in moments of closeness and dopamine that increases when connection feels rewarding. Then, if distance follows intimacy (anxious-avoidant dance), the relief you feel when they return intensifies the attachment even more.

And, it's important to note that so much of this happens in the subconscious. It takes real effort, time, and awareness to pick up on patterns.

For someone with avoidant attachment patterns, increased intimacy often activates their nervous system. Emotional closeness or vulnerability may unconsciously activate feelings of overwhelm or a fear of losing their autonomy due to experiences in their childhood and beyond.

So, when they withdraw or create distance in the relationships, it's typically from a protective state, not necessarily to cause intentional harm (even though it definitely doesn't feel good).

For the anxious partner, the distance they put in the relationship activates attachment fear, often from an abandonment wound.

It's important to see that in this cycle, both nervous systems are reacting to what the other person is doing.

The connection can be genuine and dysregulating at the same time, and understanding this cycle doesn't erase the pain. However, becoming aware of it can reduce the shame both partners feel.

If you're tired of understanding your attachment style intellectually but still feeling stuck in it emotionally, SAFE wa...
03/03/2026

If you're tired of understanding your attachment style intellectually but still feeling stuck in it emotionally, SAFE was written for you.

For a limited time, the ebook is only $1.99 on Amazon!

SAFE goes beyond the surface-level and dives into:
• Why inconsistency bonds us
• Why calm can feel uncomfortable
• Why we chase relief instead of steadiness
• How to build earned security from the inside out

When you understand how your nervous system has learned to survive, you can stop blaming yourself and your partner for the patterns and cycles you've fallen into.

Here's your sign to pick up your copy of SAFE today at https://a.co/d/0grtZqiI.

The sale ends on Sunday, March 8th. So don't wait!

There was a time when intensity might have felt like love for you. When someone was hot and cold, you called it chemistr...
03/02/2026

There was a time when intensity might have felt like love for you. When someone was hot and cold, you called it chemistry. You know you had to work hard for their attention, but it felt like passion and depth to you.

Your nervous system was doing what it learned to do: mistaking activation for connection.

Because here's what happens when you're anxiously attached: inconsistency doesn't feel like a warning, because it feels familiar. It feels just like the love you grew up with, where you had to chase, decode, and earn your caregiver's attention.

So now, when someone shows up sporadically, keeps you guessing, or makes you feel like you're always one step away from losing them, your body doesn't say "danger." Nope, it says, "home."

But your nervous system doesn't lie, and inconsistency activates attachment wounds, keeping you hypervigilant, anxious, and convinced that love requires struggle.

Consistency, on the other hand, actually builds safety by teaching your body that connection doesn't have to hurt and it doesn't require you to beg for it.

The shift that happens insn't just in who you date, but what you're willing to normalize in your relationship.

What if calm doesn't always mean boring, secure doesn't always mean there isn't a spark, and peace doesn't mean you're settling? What if it actually meant you're no longer mistaking chaos for chemistry?

(And if you still want to be in the chains because Heathcliff is so f*cken hot, you're allowed a pass 😜)

This is one of the reason breaking up with someone who is emotionally unavailable feels so devastating, even when you mo...
03/02/2026

This is one of the reason breaking up with someone who is emotionally unavailable feels so devastating, even when you mom the relationship wasn’t working.

You’re grieving what you saw in those short moments when they actually did show up for you and the relationship. You’re grieving the potential you got glimpses of. You’re grieving the relationship you spend so much energy and time building.

And if you’re anxiously attached, it’s likely that the grief runs even deeper than that, because your body has been conditioned to hold onto hope in the face of inconsistency. You’re stuck with the thought that if you just tried harder, loved better, or waited a little longer, the relationship would have worked.

Then, when it ends, you’re stuck with the loss of the person in your life AND the story your nervous system was writing for you where things finally worked. When suddenly, your love was enough and their inconsistency ended and turned into the secure relationship you’ve been dreaming of.

It’s okay to grieve this lost potential and everything your heart hoped could come.

Anyone else doing a bunch of mental gymnastics to explain away your relationship? Here's the thing about anxious attachm...
02/27/2026

Anyone else doing a bunch of mental gymnastics to explain away your relationship? Here's the thing about anxious attachment: your nervous system doesn't just tolerate chaos.

No, your nervous system has been trained to mistake it for chemistry. Cute right?

So when you meet someone emotionally available who actually texts you back and wants to spend time with you, your brain stutters, because "where's the drama and the chase?" "Where is the proof you need to earn this?"

Meanwhile, there's the person who's vague about their interest, takes three to five business days to respond to a text, and "Isn't sure what they're looking for," and your body lights up like a Christmas tree. It's thinking, "Finally, something familiar! Time to overthink every word they said and write a dissertation on what their two-word text actually meant!"

And listen, I get it. Learning about attachment theory is both a gift and a curse, because suddenly, you can see all the patterns you used to call "passion," and you realize that half the people who were "the one" were actually just activating your nervous system.

Sure, it felt like love, but it was really just anxiety with butterflies.

The best news is, once you know, you know. You can start catching yourself mid-scroll, mid-spiral, and mid-romanticization of breadcrumbs.

Slowly, over time, the calm, steady people will start looking less boring and more like what you've actually been searching for this whole time.

Remember, healing isn't linear. So, sometimes you'll find yourself drawn to a little chaos. But, at least now you'll know why.

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33480

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Founded by Jessica Baum LMHC in 2016, Relationship Institute of Palm Beach is deeply committed to helping people move from a state of loneliness and confusion to a place of safety and contentment with hope for the future. Whether you are in a relationship or single, struggling with dependency or trauma, in order to move forward, cultivating a deeper understanding of your own self is paramount. In doing deeper core work—and understanding why we find ourselves stuck in patterns and situations—we are able to form healthier relationships with ourselves and consequently, have healthier relationships with others. The core of most mental health issues centers around getting to know your truth, understanding how and why you are where you are, and then creating awareness and a deeper understanding around it. Once you connect with yourself—and only then—can you start to develop healthier relationships with yourself and those around you.