01/22/2026
: βIt usually doesnβt start with silence.
It starts with praise.
βYouβre so well-behaved.β
βYouβre so polite.β
βYouβre so easy.β
And slowly, kids learn which parts of themselves earn approvalβand which ones make rooms uncomfortable.
So they learn to soften their questions.
They learn to laugh things off.
They learn to make themselves agreeable before they learn how to trust themselves.
Fast forward a few years and that same child is an adult who ignores their gut in meetings, stays in relationships that feel off, calls burnout βbeing grateful,β and mistakes keeping things calm for being emotionally mature.
We didnβt just teach kids how to be respectfulβwe taught them how to be quiet at their own expense. And the cost shows up later in anxiety, resentment, people-pleasing, and the constant feeling that something is wrong but hard to name.
The work now is unlearning. Teaching discernment where compliance once lived. Teaching self-trust where approval used to sit.
Teaching that discomfort isnβt dangerβand silence isnβt wisdom.
Hereβs something practical: practice giving yourself the language you were never given.
βI need more time.β
βThat doesnβt sit right with me.β
βIβm allowed to change my mind.β
βNo is a complete sentence.β
Say it out loud. Let it feel awkward. Let it feel new.
Because growing up doesnβt have to mean growing quieter.β
