12/01/2025
If you knew this about trauma bonds it could save your life…or someone you know. Trauma Bonding is not love, it’s an unconscious addiction to an affliction. When you're so heavily attached to a toxic person, that you are willing to maintain a relationship even at the expense of yourself for the few and far between highs, that’s not love, that’s a drug of choice. Stay with me…For those who’ve experienced or are experiencing a trauma bond, it’s important that you not allow emotions to confuse or equate a trauma bond with love. Becoming conscious and aware that a trauma bond is an addiction to an affliction versus an affection for a healthy connection will shift your mindset towards a path of healing. Not overnight but over work, and time. Here’s why:
Intermittent Reinforcement and Neurochemical Highs caused by abusive cycles typically follow a pattern of tension building, a crisis or abuse incident, reconciliation ("honeymoon phase"), and a period of calm. The unpredictable nature of rewards (the "few and far between highs") makes the brain hyper-vigilant and highly receptive to these moments.
The intense relief and affection during the "honeymoon" phase trigger surges of attachment hormones (oxytocin) and reward chemicals (dopamine), creating powerful psychological conditioning, similar to an addiction loop.
The rewiring of neurological pathways makes the brain associate love and connection with this specific pattern of intensity and relief. Your brain gets highly addicted to the habitual ups and downs of oxytocin, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, that even when the relationship ends, you will seek and crave the person or become obsessive or seek similar people, in order to get your fix. It's the rewiring of the neurological pathways of love, turning against itself.
The loss of the love, makes you crave them more. When the relationship ends, the brain experiences withdrawal, leading to intense cravings, obsession, or seeking out similarly dysfunctional relationships to replicate the familiar dynamic. You're dependent in the same way a he**in addict is.
Reiterating, repeating and believing the false positive feelings of love and affection (filling your head with lies about loving them or them loving you) seduces the mind into the addiction loop…you aren’t in a relationship you’re in an addiction-ship. healing from a trauma bond is not healing from a relationship with them, it’s healing from a relationship with an addiction within yourself that causes them to become your drug of choice to medicate unresolved traumas — generational, relational and developmental, a wounded inner child and emotionally dysfunctional grooming.
Repeat these words…and then, consider getting the right help to heal the pain: I am not in love with them, they do not love me. This is not love, this is not affection, this is not a bond with them. I am not in a relationship, I am in my addiction. I must heal the internal pain that I’m addicted to, bonded with, that causes my intense withdrawals and desire to medicate with my drug of choice — them.
Stay in the loop: Follow us for your daily dose of inspiration, motivation and insightful discussions! This your tribe!
