11/19/2025
🔄 The Cycle Explained: From Self-Abandonment to Resentment
Give Up Self
You abandon your own needs, desires, or values, maybe to avoid conflict, keep the peace, or be "lovable."
Example: You stop expressing opinions, saying no, or pursuing your own interests.
Assume a Role
You unconsciously step into a role you think will make the other person love or accept you, like "the easy-going one," "the fixer," or "the supportive partner."
You're acting the part of what you think they want, not who you really are.
Unmet Expectations
Deep down, you hope that sacrificing your truth will be rewarded with love, validation, or reciprocation.
But the other person doesn’t behave how you hoped, or they don’t even realize what you gave up.
Blame the Other Person
You feel disappointed, hurt, or angry. Rather than recognizing your own abandonment, it’s easier to point fingers.
“They don’t appreciate me.” “They’re selfish.”
Resentment Builds
Now you feel bitterness, not just at them, but also at yourself (often unconsciously).
This unspoken resentment poisons the relationship and your self-esteem.
🎯 Why This Cycle Is So Toxic
Because it's built on unspoken expectations and silent sacrifices, it sets up everyone to fail. The other person didn’t agree to this trade-off, and you feel like you lost yourself in the process.
The antidote?
💡 Self-awareness, clear communication, nervous system regulation, and learning to negotiate authentically, not perform.
