Insightful Minds Counseling

12/24/2025

🎄🎁Holiday Bingo is back.🎁🎄
Squares include “They did their best,” “But they’re your parents,” and the classic “Forgive and forget.” Festive, predictable, and still not therapeutic.

Friendly reminder that gaslighting with a side of tinsel is still gaslighting. Setting boundaries is not “holding a grudge,” it is choosing mental health over a lifetime subscription to emotional whiplash.

If this card feels familiar and you still have to show up, play smart. Keep replies short. Change the subject like it is a competitive sport. Take breaks. Leave early. Give yourself bonus points for every boundary you hold and every conversation you do not over-explain.

You are not dramatic, selfish, or ungrateful. You are simply very good at recognizing patterns. Winning this game looks like protecting your peace, keeping your sense of humor, and remembering that surviving the holidays with your sanity intact absolutely counts as a victory.

12/19/2025

When someone says they were harmed by the church, what they’re often sharing isn’t just a story. It’s a part of them speaking.

From an IFS perspective, that voice may belong to an exile. A part that holds shame, fear, grief, or betrayal after spiritual authority was misused, boundaries were crossed, or belonging was made conditional. These parts learned that love could be withdrawn, that questions were dangerous, or that God was only accessible through compliance.

When we rush to defend “the Church,” minimize the pain, or offer theology instead of presence, we unintentionally activate protectors, both theirs and ours.
Protectors that say:
• “Don’t go there, it’s too threatening.”
• “Explain it away so we don’t have to feel this.”
• “If we validate their pain, what does that mean about my faith?”

But healing doesn’t happen through correction.
It happens through witnessing.

IFS reminds us that transformation begins when parts are met with curiosity, compassion, and consent, not pressure. The most Christ-like response is not fixing, reframing, or fast-tracking forgiveness. It’s staying regulated enough in ourselves to say:

“I believe you.”
“That makes sense.”
“You’re not alone.”

The church has often prioritized unity over truth, doctrine over nervous systems, and repentance over repair. An IFS-informed church would understand this. Before reconciliation can happen, safety must come first, internally and relationally.

Presence > Explanation
Relationship > Resolution
Repair > Defensiveness

If we want to be people that heal rather than harm, we must learn to sit with pain without silencing it and trust that God is not threatened by the voices of wounded parts.

Self-energy listens.
Love doesn’t rush.
And healing begins when no part is asked to disappear.

When someone tells you they were harmed by the church, they are not asking you to defend the church.
They are trusting you with their story.

Minimizing, explaining, or spiritualizing their pain may feel comforting to the institution, but it often deepens the wound for the person.

You don’t need the full story.
You don’t need to fix it.
You don’t need to say the right theology.
Presence matters more than explanation.

If someone shares church harm with you, start here.
“I’m so sorry. I’m here with you.”

That response can be the beginning of healing.

12/16/2025

🎄Holiday rules in dysfunctional families make sense through an IFS lens 🧠✨

These are not personality flaws.
They are parts doing their jobs.

🕊️ The people pleaser part keeps the peace
📜 The rule follower part protects tradition to stay safe
🎭 The smile through it part prioritizes appearances over feelings
🤐 The silent part learns it is safer not to speak up

None of these parts are weak.
They formed to help you belong and survive 🤍

IFS reminds us that you are more than these roles.
Your Self does not have to perform, comply, or absorb harm to be worthy 🌱

This season, notice which part shows up first at family gatherings 🎄
Thank it.
And see if your Self can lead with curiosity, boundaries, and care ✨

You are allowed to choose how it feels, not just how it looks.

💬 Comment with the part that resonates
💾 Save for the holidays
🤍 Share with someone navigating complicated family dynamics

12/12/2025

✨ Gentle reminders for your inner system ✨

If you notice an overthinking part showing up today, try meeting it with curiosity instead of criticism.
That part learned to stay alert for a reason, it’s been trying to protect you.

🧩 Some thoughts don’t need immediate action
🧩 Mistakes mean a part of you is human, not “bad”
🧩 You’re allowed to pause so your nervous system can settle
🧩 Rest doesn’t have to be earned, it’s regulation
🧩 One moment doesn’t define your whole system
🧩 You can say no without abandoning yourself
🧩 Your job is not to manage everyone else’s emotions

From an IFS lens, overthinking isn’t a flaw, it’s a protector that developed in response to past experiences. When we lead with Self-energy (curiosity, compassion, calm), those parts don’t have to work so hard.

Take a breath. Thank the part that’s trying to help. You’re allowed to move at the pace of safety 🤍

11/27/2025

11/27/2025

🧡 Thanksgiving & Mental Health 🧠
With an IFS (Internal Family Systems) lens

The holidays can bring warmth, connection, and gratitude, but they can also stir up stress, loneliness, or family tension. From an IFS perspective, this happens because different parts of us show up during times of emotional intensity. Here’s how to support your mental health this Thanksgiving by honoring all parts of yourself:

⸻

🔍 Acknowledge Your Parts

During the holidays, you might notice:
• A people-pleasing part trying to keep everyone happy
• A perfectionist part stressing over the meal or the event
• A lonely or hurt part remembering past pain
• A protective part that wants to withdraw or avoid conflict

All these parts have good intentions. They’re trying to help. Instead of judging them, try saying: “I see you. I understand what you’re trying to do. Thank you for protecting me.”

⸻

🦃 Tips for a Self-Led Thanksgiving

💛 Practice gentle gratitude
Not forced positivity. Real gratitude could sound like: “I’m thankful I’m showing up for myself today.”

👥 Set boundaries with compassion
Your Self (core centered, calm, confident energy) can speak for your parts by saying no lovingly when needed.

🍽️ Be mindful with food and body talk
If a part feels triggered, offer reassurance: “You’re safe. It’s okay to step away.” You don’t have to engage.

🏡 Redefine what family means
You’re allowed to choose who feels like home. Sometimes the most supportive parts of your system are reflected in friends, pets, supportive circles, or yourself.

🧘 Pause to reconnect with Self
Take short moments during the day to breathe, step outside, or notice what’s happening internally: “I’m here. I’ve got us.”

📱 Reach out for support
If parts of you are struggling or feeling alone, connecting with someone who can listen helps those parts soften.

⸻

✨ It’s okay to feel more than one thing

You can feel grateful and tired. Joyful and anxious. Connected and overwhelmed. All parts are welcome at your internal Thanksgiving table.

⸻

This holiday, let your Self lead with compassion, curiosity, and calm. You’re doing more than showing up, you’re growing.

🧠 For more mental wellness resources, visit:
👉 InsightfulMindsOnline.com

Wishing you a grounded and compassionate Thanksgiving. 🫶

Trusted trauma-informed telehealth counseling in Florida, South Carolina, and Idaho. Licensed online therapy for anxiety, depression, and life transitions.

11/23/2025

Why Some People Stay In Situations They Know Are Bad (IFS perspective)

People do not only stay stuck because they are afraid. They often stay because a part of them believes that enduring the current dysfunction is safer than facing the unknown. This is the psychological concept of “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” It describes the tendency to choose a familiar pain rather than risk a new pain.

Key behavioral dynamics
1. Cognitive dissonance
Knowing the situation is unhealthy while continuing to justify staying in it. The mind attempts to reduce internal conflict by creating rationalizations such as “it will get better” or “I can handle it.”
2. Trauma bonding
An emotional attachment formed through intermittent reinforcement. The cycle of conflict followed by temporary repair creates a dependency. The brief positive moments trick the nervous system into believing the situation is worth holding onto.
3. Learned helplessness
A belief that no matter what you do, nothing will change. Someone may start to tolerate dysfunction because past attempts at change were met with failure or punishment.
4. IFS: Manager parts and firefighter parts
• Manager parts create excuses to maintain stability. They cling to the familiar, even if the familiar is damaging.
• Firefighter parts seek relief or distraction when emotional pain escalates. They wait for the next “good moment” to justify continuing the cycle.
5. Fear-based protective parts
In IFS, every destructive pattern is driven by a part trying to protect the person from something worse. Many parts believe that change equals risk. Common beliefs include, “If I leave, I will be alone,” or “If I fail at improving things, I will be exposed as inadequate.”

What people get from staying
They are not attached to the suffering itself. They are attached to predictability, control, and the illusion of safety. Familiar pain is processed as less threatening than unfamiliar outcomes. The internal logic is: “I know how to survive this. I do not know if I’ll survive something different.”

The real barrier to change
It is not just fear. It is internal loyalty to survival strategies created earlier in life. Until someone acknowledges these strategies and listens to the parts behind them, they will continue to wait for the next high point on the rollercoaster while bracing for the next crash.

Plain truth
Recognizing a situation is bad does not mean a person is ready to leave it. Parts of them still believe the known threat is safer than the unknown one. Healing begins when they are willing to confront the cost of staying and speak directly to the parts that insist on holding the line.

Avoidance is just prolonged suffering guised as safety.

Ready to help parts stuck in the cycle of the devil they know? Visit our website to get started:

Trusted trauma-informed telehealth counseling in Florida, South Carolina, and Idaho. Licensed online therapy for anxiety, depression, and life transitions.

11/20/2025

🌿 Trauma Through the IFS & Jungian Lens: From Survival to Self 🌿

Trauma fragments the psyche. Parts of us carry pain (“I hurt”), others work tirelessly to survive (“I must”), while some collapse under the weight (“I can’t”). This image beautifully maps how our nervous system and inner parts, what IFS calls protectors and exiles, dance between survival and resilience.

🔴 “I can’t”
Collapse, disconnect. A protective mechanism of the deep unconscious, what Jung might call a descent into the shadow to avoid further overwhelm.

🟡 “I must”
Fight or flight responses, hypervigilance. Here the protector parts (managers and firefighters) spring into action, defending us from re-experiencing the original pain of the exiles.

🟢 “I can”
Self-led. Parts begin to trust the inner Self again, the Jungian Self archetype, the organizing center of wholeness. Healing unfolds.

⚫ “I am”
Return to essence. Embodied presence. Not doing but being. This is the deep Self that IFS and Jungians refer to, the calm witness that holds all parts with compassion.

✨ Healing begins when:
• We turn toward our exiled parts with curiosity, not judgment
• We honor the protectors for keeping us safe (even when their methods are extreme)
• We reconnect with the Self, the inner wise presence Jung called the “guiding centre”

Healing is not becoming something new.
It is remembering who you already are underneath the strategies of survival.

🌱 What step of the spiral speaks to you today?



InsightfulMindsOnline.com

11/19/2025

🧠 How Your Brain Reacts to Triggers
(Through the Lens of IFS and Jungian Psychology)

A trigger is not a failure. It is a signal from your inner system that something old, tender, or unintegrated has been touched. In Internal Family Systems, triggers often activate protective parts that rush in to keep you safe. In Jungian psychology, triggers pull material from the shadow into the light, asking to be acknowledged.

What you notice on the surface is only the messenger.
What lives beneath is the message.

💛 When your breathing becomes shallow or your heart starts racing:
A vigilant protector part may be sensing danger based on past experiences. These physical cues are your psyche’s early communication. They invite you to slow down, breathe, and let your nervous system know you are safe now.

🖤 When irritability or emotional numbness shows up:
IFS sees these as protectors trying to manage overwhelming feelings. Jung would say these reactions point to emotions that have been pushed into the shadow. Both perspectives remind us that these responses are intelligent, even if they feel uncomfortable.

💚 When overthinking spirals or muscles tense up:
This can be a sign that a part of you is bracing for impact. It wants control, clarity, or certainty. Beneath it might be a younger part carrying fear or confusion that needs reassurance, not pressure.

💬 Behavioral reactions like withdrawal or freezing:
These are survival strategies that once kept you safe. They become cues to approach yourself with patience, not shame.

✨ The invitation:
Instead of fighting your reactions, try meeting them with curiosity.
Ask yourself:
• What part of me is activated right now?
• What is this reaction trying to protect me from?
• Is there a younger or shadowed part that needs compassion?

Your triggers are not flaws. They are pathways into deeper wholeness.
When you listen to them, you transform the reaction into relationship and the overwhelm into integration.

🌿 Healing happens when the body speaks and the self listens.

11/16/2025

🔥 The Anger Volcano: What Erupts vs. What Lies Beneath 🔥
(IFS and Jungian Psychology Perspective)

Anger is rarely the enemy. In both Internal Family Systems and Jungian psychology, anger is often a protector, a part of us that erupts when something deeper feels threatened.

What we see on the surface such as yelling, shutting down, sarcasm, defensiveness and irritability is just the lava.
But beneath that fiery layer live the parts that are tender, vulnerable, and longing to be understood.

💛 IFS reminds us:
Our anger is usually a protective part working overtime to shield an exiled part of us that carries pain such as shame, rejection, fear, disappointment, or loneliness. When these softer parts feel unsafe or unheard, the protector steps in loudly.

🖤 Jungian psychology reminds us:
What we repress becomes part of the shadow.
Anger often erupts when the shadow is ignored, when we bury our hurt, guilt, or fear instead of integrating these hidden aspects of ourselves with compassion and awareness.

✨ What if, instead of judging the eruption, we listened beneath it?
We might discover a young part needing reassurance.
A shadow longing to be acknowledged.
A story inside us that has been waiting to be rewritten.

Next time anger rises, try asking gently:
• What part of me is trying to protect me?
• What deeper emotion is asking to be seen?
• What truth have I pushed into the shadow?

Healing begins when we stop fighting the volcano and start understanding the landscape within it. 🌋💛

InsightfulMindsOnline.com

09/06/2025

09/02/2025

A groundbreaking new book, "Internal Family Systems (IFS) Tips and Practice Skills" by Aion Farvahar, PhD, is now available. This comprehensive guide is a game-changer for practitioners seeking to master IFS. With clarity and precision, Aion breaks down complex concepts into accessible, actionable strategies, making it an invaluable resource for neurodiverse practitioners. By reading this book, you'll gain a deeper understanding of IFS and be empowered to create positive change in your practice, your clients and within your own system.
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Are you an empathic Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist or practitioner who is looking for opportunities to become more skilled and effective in IFS practice? Do you find some of your clients challenging or exhausting to work with? If so, does this make you doubt your skills or ability to he...