11/24/2025
Teachers teachersā¦
Edit: these theoretical choices are just there to make you think about the rest of this post, where our decision-making comes from. Obviously I am not saying that you have to choose between these two fictional teachers, or that I agree with their styles (ļæ¼ though Iām certain you can probably think of a few like this that youāve met in your past or present)
āāā
ļæ¼
This topic is a doozy ā so buckle up
An educated person who can really help you, wrapped in an unpleasant personality, who invalidates your skill set and makes you feel bad
Or
An uneducated person wrapped in lingo, presence, mystique, who validates you and makes you feel special
Which teacher are you choosing?
Almost every time I ask this question, folks say the first. They want the truth and growth.
But this is where this is so sneaky, so tricky, so insidious - all these decisions are made subconsciously.
We tend to choose the person who aligns with our core beliefs about ourselves, right or wrong.
Some folks, deep down, will struggle to believe any praise about themselves, right or wrong, because they believe to the core they cannot be good. They will choose an abrasive personality who invalidates them and almost āenjoy it.ā Feels familiar, must be right.
Some folks, deep down, in their hurt will seek comfort. They want to be made special, to feel cared for. You might think everyone would want that, but the before mentioned person distrusts this special making, even if it is sincere care. To the person who wants comfort, they are happy to overlook even lack of progress, incorrect information, even intentional manipulation because they will subconsciously reject any information that makes this person, the one who made them feel so good, invalidated.
Can we find good information and skills dressed in a presentation we donāt recognize? Can we learn from someone with a personality that we donāt necessarily enjoy? This is quite a complex situation. It requires quite a bit of knowing where we are and what drives us to make these selections consciously.
Of course, someone with an abrasive personality is not inherently more honest, and someone with a caring and kind personality is not inherently manipulative. Teachers come in all varieties and flavors, and unfortunately, it is up to the consumer to study them and decipher who is actually educated and can teach them, and who is wearing all the right clothes, so to speak, for our easy acceptance.
Who are you? What drives you? What are we constantly trying to prove or disprove about ourselves? What are we compensating for? We all have our skeletons- and if we know this and can face it calmly, even lovingly as you would your own horse, you can make confident, conscious decisions for your own growth and development. Some of the choices you may come to would surprise you as to what is actually for your benefit - and what is just reinforcing the wheel turning in the background of our minds.