27/01/2026
How I Quit Smoking Without Any Torture: What Really Works in Psychotherapy and How to Do It on Your Own
A psychotherapy-based view and a self-help path
I quit smoking twice.
Both times without violence toward myself—relying not on willpower, but on creativity, awareness, and neuroplasticity.
I didn’t deprive myself by “limiting pleasure.” On the contrary: I enriched my life and improved its quality.
The second, “adult” time (a couple of years ago) isn’t as interesting from the perspective of creativity.
With age-related physical changes in mind,
I weighed the benefits and harms of smoking—risks, losses, and gains of quitting. I did my own “factor analysis” (roughly: averaging the pros and cons) for the short and long term—and I quit.
And again, I set myself up this way:
if strong cravings appeared, I would analyze what experiences I was suppressing, which needs I was substituting, and I would focus on the gains of **not smoking**, not the losses.
For me, it wasn’t deprivation—it was self-knowledge: a challenge, a game, a reset of character, neuroplasticity training—useful for every area of life.
But the first time is much more interesting for anyone who’s struggling with the contradictions of quitting.
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# # It started back when I was a psychology student
I was a psychology student and had already begun running trainings.
A semi-bohemian student life: trainings, late-night kitchen gatherings, performances, adventures, our Transpersonal Club. A diet of tea, books, and ci******es—almost a philosophical survival minimum.
Back then, a cigarette wasn’t “ni****ne.” It was a ritual. A social password. A pause for thought. A state switch. A small fire around which life gathered.
That’s why I didn’t consider it a problem for a long time.
Something becomes a problem not when it’s “bad,” but when you suddenly see: it’s no longer “sometimes.” It has woven itself into your life. It has become structure. It has become something that quietly controls your transitions, your emotions, and your relationship with yourself.
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# # When addiction starts speaking through your own words
I noticed not so much the number of ci******es, but **how** I answered questions about smoking.
Not discussing. Not exploring. But deflecting—excuses, jokes, clever tricks, sometimes arrogant and dismissive. Those classic addicted phrases that sound smart and free, but serve one purpose: **not listening to yourself and not getting close to the truth.**
> “I’ve been smoking for years.”
> “It’s organic dependence.”
> “Life is short.”
> “I smoke because it feels good.”
And then my professional self kicked in. Completely logical questions:
* What function does smoking serve?
* What emotions does it help numb?
* What needs does it substitute?
The answers pushed me to compare “plus” and “minus” without philosophy. I began catching myself in self-deception. I tried to be honest. And I decided, at the very least, to check: **how free am I, really?**
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# # Why I didn’t want to quit “militarily”
I wanted to quit according to my own view: non-violent, partly psychoanalytic.
Not because I’m “soft.” But because I saw how the attempt to “get a grip” often turns into a theater of internal roles.
The inner critic presses and humiliates.
The victim collapses and feels ashamed.
The rebel goes to smoke “out of spite.”
And yes—this isn’t just a metaphor. It’s one of the classic addictive games. Self-flagellation, bans, coercion against yourself only intensify it—just like emotional suppression does.
The opposite is awareness, freedom, choice, and responsibility. More precisely: **flexibility of thinking and behavior.** A game. An experiment.
So I decided to quit playfully—step by step, creatively.
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# My self-help method: a sequence, not a set of tricks
# # 1) I learned to enjoy slowly
First I did something strange: I put everything aside, including my usual book and tea, and started smoking as if for the first time—using all my senses.
The rustle. The aroma. The sensations. Watching the bluish smoke of strong, harsh “Kozatski” papirosy.
Not to romanticize it. But to pull smoking out of autopilot and see: where is pleasure here, and where is anxiety and rushing?
# # 2) I started asking: “Am I already done?”
At the next stage I began asking myself: **Have I already had enough?**
And I discovered a very “oral” kind of anxiety and hurry—as if joy was about to be taken away, as if I had to “catch it” before it disappears.
I trained myself to finish calmly, reassuring myself: nobody is taking anything away. You don’t have to bite into life with your teeth. But the key was: **unhurried.**
# # 3) I learned to feel saturation and let go
Then I began to feel “enough” before finishing—and I could calmly set the cigarette aside. No drama. No “I’m weak.” Just: “It’s enough.”
# # 4) I began catching the compulsive gesture
Then it got even more interesting. I started noticing moments when I compulsively reached for a cigarette—but I didn’t actually want to smoke. So I put it away.
And with that, I learned not to rush to suppress agitation, confusion, or irritation. To tolerate. To relax. Not to run.
# # 5) And here’s what shocked me: “smoking without lighting”
The most striking thing happened when I tried “smoking” without lighting it.
I felt the familiar reactions—calm and fullness—only without the smell in my mouth and without watching the smoke.
I checked again. And again.
“Millions of people can’t be living in an illusion,” I thought.
But the answer was: **they can.**
I felt calm simply from a juicy, slow inhale. And importantly: I felt pride in the discovery—and that dopamine fully compensated the ni****ne effect.
Yes, I had to learn to soothe myself when my hands had nowhere to go. To communicate congruently. Not to fear looking awkward. But now it was a game—a challenge, an adventure.
And here the paradox appeared: **willpower is secondary.** The keys to freedom are awareness and cognitive flexibility.
And clichés like “I’ve smoked for __ years,” “it’s organic dependence,” “life is short,” “I smoke because it feels good” often serve the attempt not to listen to yourself—and to live on autopilot.
I understood this even as a student: the essence of destructive habits is to silence thoughts and feelings—including unpleasant ones and those that call you to face the truth.
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# Good. But there are also proven psychotherapy approaches
My path is one non-violent exit strategy. It works especially well for those who are ready to explore themselves and don’t want to “break” themselves.
But there are also more standardized, recognized approaches—often effective and well-studied. They require discipline and sometimes work better with pharmacological support (not as weakness, but as a stabilizer).
Below is a brief and clear overview of how different methods help.
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# # Motivational Interviewing (MI)
A way to leave the battlefield of resistance. The therapist doesn’t push or shame, but helps a person hear themselves: what the cigarette gives, what I fear without it, what choice I’m actually making.
MI is especially useful when there’s an inner conflict: “I want to quit” and “I’m afraid to quit.”
# # CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
CBT analyzes smoking as a mechanism: trigger → thought → emotion/body → action → short-term reward → cost.
It helps to:
* see autopilot and where it switches on;
* recognize “thought-tricks” (“I need it,” “I can’t handle it,” “I slipped, so it’s over”);
* build new responses so the cigarette stops being the only coping method.
CBT is proven—but for many it’s genuinely harder: it requires discipline and repetition.
# # ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)
ACT is especially precise when smoking is a way not to feel: anxiety, emptiness, anger, shame, loneliness.
ACT teaches you not to fight cravings but to become larger than them—distinguish thought from fact, tolerate inner states, and live from values rather than automatic reactions.
Also evidence-based, but it requires adult readiness for contact with inner experience.
# # Schema Therapy
Schema therapy is useful when smoking is woven into life patterns: shame, self-punishment, defectiveness, rebellion against control, a deficit of care.
It helps break the “critic–victim–rebel” triangle and build a more mature inner support.
# # Psychodynamic approach
This is exactly what was indirectly embedded in my method: addiction as a way to maintain internal balance.
Psychodynamics helps unpack:
* secondary gains;
* suppressed emotions;
* internal contracts and fears (“If I quit, what becomes scarier?”);
* existential dilemmas the addiction was protecting you from.
# # NLP: submodalities, “swish,” trigger reset—as creativity
I especially like NLP because it feels like creative engineering of the nervous system.
Strong tools include:
* submodalities—changing the “internal picture” of craving so the sensation stops commanding;
* swish—automatic response switching;
* trigger reset—coffee/drive/stress stop launching the cigarette;
* and most importantly: meeting the same need in another way, without coercion.
# # Hypnotherapy: from direct suggestion to resolving the cause
Hypnosis can be different.
Sometimes direct suggestion works—especially when motivation is ripe. But deeper hypnotherapy works when it:
* reduces inner conflict;
* soothes difficult emotions in the reaction chain;
* changes unconscious associations;
* helps “resolve” what previously demanded the cigarette as a regulator.
# # Pharmacological support: a stabilizer, not an admission of weakness
If dependence is strong, ni****ne is tightly embedded physiologically. Pharmacological support (NRT or prescription options via a physician) can provide the resource for the psyche to learn new responses without the constant “body scream.”
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# Take one adult step: self-assessment instead of heroics
To avoid slogans and build a strategy that fits you, here’s a simple proposal: take our short self-assessment (3–4 minutes). It helps you understand:
* what function smoking serves;
* which emotions you’re numbing;
* which needs you’re substituting;
* which “excuse phrases” keep autopilot running;
* where secondary gains and fears hide;
* which approach fits best (my path / CBT / ACT / NLP / hypnotherapy / combination).
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# # Mini self-assessment (3–4 minutes)
1. How much do you smoke/use ni****ne per day? (cigs/vape/pouches) ___
2. Goal: quit / reduce / understand my pattern ___
3. Readiness for the next 2 weeks (0–10): ___ (why not 0?) ___
4. Top 3 triggers: morning / coffee / after meals / driving / stress / conflict / boredom-emptiness / social situations / alcohol / evening ___
5. Main function (up to 3): reduce anxiety / pause-boundaries / focus / energize / silence inner dialogue / numb anger-shame-guilt / fill emptiness / ritual-image / self-punishment / other ___
6. What I fear without smoking (1–2): can’t handle anxiety / become irritable / lose focus / feel empty / lose pauses / gain weight / “won’t be myself” ___
7. Emotions near cravings (up to 3): anxiety / anger / shame / guilt / resentment / sadness / emptiness / loneliness / boredom / helplessness ___
8. Self-criticism/self-punishment: no / sometimes / often. How does it sound? ___
9. What most often caused relapse before? ___
10. What would be “success” in 2 weeks (one sentence)? ___
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# # How to choose an approach (very short)
* If the main issue is autopilot, rituals, triggers → CBT + NLP works great.
* If you smoke to avoid feeling → ACT + hypnotherapy/body regulation.
* If there’s self-punishment, shame, inner conflict → schema/psychodynamic + hypnotherapy.
* If you want to exit without war and with creativity → my step-by-step path (and it can be combined with any method).
* If dependence is strong physiologically → consider pharmacological support via a physician to avoid “heroics.”
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# Want to quit without a war with yourself?
Take my short self-assessment (3–4 minutes): it will show what function smoking serves for you (anxiety, pause, control, emotional numbing, emptiness, etc.) and where autopilot starts.
Copy your answers and send them to me—I’ll build a personalized strategy: which approaches will give you the best result (CBT/ACT/NLP/hypnotherapy/combination) and what to start with over the next 2 weeks.
**Contacts (text only, no calls):**
**Mobile Phone:** +1 267 281 4404 (Please send a message — text only, no calls.)
**WhatsApp / Telegram:** +1 215 722 9722 (Please send a message — text only, no calls.)
**Website:** fleshel.info
**Our place:** 78 Tomlinson Rd, Huntingdon Valley / Philadelphia, PA 19006
Map: [https://maps.app.goo.gl/vNEy83beVtM3ZA7u8](https://maps.app.goo.gl/vNEy83beVtM3ZA7u8)
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