ADHD Dude

02/22/2026

02/21/2026

02/20/2026

02/18/2026

When your four to seven-year-old is hitting, breaking things, or threatening a sibling, it can feel destabilizing.

Aggression at this age is not random. In children with ADHD or early signs, delays in flexibility and emotional regulation mean frustration can escalate quickly when they do not get their way.
Hitting.
Being destructive
Threatening family members

Once a child is escalated, more talking does not create regulation. It can increase intensity. And if escalation changes the outcome, the behavior strengthens.

𝗔𝗴𝗴𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆, 𝘀𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲.

I appreciate that stepping into your parental authority may feel uncomfortable. It can feel counterintuitive. But in those moments, it is exactly what your child needs to feel safe and move toward better emotional regulation.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends Parent Behavior Training as the first-line treatment for children with ADHD.

ADHD Dude provides specific Parent Behavior Training for parents of four to seven-year-olds. The course sequence is Capable & Confident, followed by Creating Daily Expectations (4–7).

I cover what to do about property destruction, physical aggression, and other severe tyrannical behaviors in other videos on the ADHD Dude YouTube channel.

𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗕𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗱𝗵𝗱𝗱𝘂𝗱𝗲.𝗰𝗼𝗺

02/17/2026

If your home feels tense… if you're constantly bracing for the next blow up, refusal, or fight… that pressure is draining. You shouldn't have to live in stress and walk on eggshells around your child. And you won't have to when you restore your parental authority for your child's benefit.

And this dynamic — where the parent-child hierarchy flips upside down — is not about fault. It's a common pattern in families raising children with ADHD (as well as autism).

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗺 𝗶𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂.
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁'𝘀 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗻 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱.

Before social media, there was far more clarity around how to change this dynamic. Then came emotionally compelling narratives:
"She's masking all day, so she treats me poorly because I'm her safe person to take it out on."
"He has a nervous system disorder, so he can't help destroying things in our house."
"If your child hits you, it's because they're 'connection seeking.'"

Layered with messaging designed to appeal to mothers' emotions, parental authority began to feel harsh, damaging, or neglectful.
It isn't.

𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱'𝘀 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲𝘁𝘆. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝗳 𝗮 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁-𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗵𝗶𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵𝘆 𝗶𝘀.

Despite what you've been told, you don't need more "connection." You're already attentive and deeply connected. You don't need more explaining, negotiating, therapy language, or processing feelings.

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗮 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿, 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽-𝗯𝘆-𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗲𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 — 𝘀𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗺𝗲𝗿, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗴𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗰𝗮𝗽𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲.

This is the Confident Parents, Capable Kids Method.

02/17/2026

02/16/2026

02/15/2026

You tell your child the plan has changed.
Or that it’s time to turn off the game and leave.
And their reaction is immediate and intense.

You’re not trying to provoke a meltdown.
You’re trying to move the day forward.

Many parents respond by trying to reason or negotiate with their child. Some feel held captive by their child's inflexibility. This can be very stressful, particularly when you're trying to get out the door.
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But you cannot reason someone out of inflexibility, because flexibility is one of the core executive function skills lagging in children with ADHD.

If inflexibility keeps getting accommodated, it doesn’t level off. It increases with age.

This is a skill issue. And skills can be built.

Capable & Confident (ages 4–7) and Scaffolding Better Behavior (ages 8–17) show you how to stop accommodating rigidity and start building flexibility in concrete, practical ways at home.

Start your parent training at adhddude.com.

02/14/2026

For years, I worked as a school social worker in special education settings, serving students with significant behavioral challenges. The first year my son came to me, I was still working there.

All day, I managed highly oppositional and argumentative students without becoming emotionally reactive.
Then I came home and faced it with my own child.

My son was more oppositional than many of the students I had worked with. One of his go-to behaviors was saying no to everything, even things he would have enjoyed.

I’ll admit it. For years, I resorted to reactive parenting. I threatened punishments. I escalated.

Eventually, that stopped working.
Like many children with ADHD, he became punishment-adverse. The threats lost their effect. The power struggles got worse.

That’s when I learned to 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗰𝗲.
For many children with ADHD, arguing is novelty-seeking. When you respond emotionally, debate, or threaten consequences in the moment, you feed it. When you stop engaging and use affective calmness, you remove the reinforcement.

He escalated at first because his old strategy no longer worked.
As he got older, his constant "No" shifted from novelty-seeking to inflexibility. That’s when I used 𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆:
“You can choose to do your chores and have computer time later, or you can choose not to do your chores and not have computer time. It’s up to you.”

When daily expectations are clear, the choice becomes real.

Parent training, not therapy, is the American Academy of Pediatrics' evidence-based recommended treatment for children with ADHD.

𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗿𝗴𝘂𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗕𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺𝘀 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿, 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽-𝗯𝘆-𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝘀𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲:
Capable & Confident (ages 4–7)
Scaffolding Better Behavior (ages 8–17)
Creating Daily Expectations courses

02/13/2026

02/12/2026

You’re trying to get out the door, turn off a screen, or move onto the next thing. You say no. You give a direction. And within seconds, you get pulled into the argument, reasoning, and negotiation vortex.

You shouldn’t have to defend every parenting decision you make.
And you won’t when you stop getting pulled into the argument vortex.

When your child argues constantly, it’s exhausting because every interaction turns into pushback. You’re trying to keep things moving, and the debate keeps restarting.

Arguing is common in children with ADHD. Sometimes it’s inflexibility. Sometimes it’s a difficulty with perspective-taking. Sometimes it’s novelty-seeking behavior.

𝗜𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝘄𝗼 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗿𝗴𝘂𝗲.
𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗰𝗲, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝘆𝗰𝗹𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗻𝘀. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗻𝗲𝗴𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴. 𝗖𝗮𝗹𝗺. 𝗡𝗲𝘂𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗹. 𝗕𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗳. 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗱𝗼𝗻𝗲.

At first, you may see emotional blackmail in the form of guilt trips, dramatic statements, or escalation. That’s part of the pattern. When you don't re-engage, your child has to practice adapting.

𝗙𝗹𝗲𝘅𝗶𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝘂𝗹𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱. 𝗜𝗻𝗳𝗹𝗲𝘅𝗶𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱.
𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘃𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗲𝘅, 𝗮𝗿𝗴𝘂𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗴𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲. 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆.

If you want help setting this up, the ADHD Dude Parent Behavior Training programs walk you through it:
Capable & Confident (ages 4–7)
Scaffolding Better Behavior (ages 8–17)
Creating Daily Expectations courses

Start your parent training today at adhddude.com

02/11/2026

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