ADHD Dude

01/27/2026

Many children with ADHD struggle to make and keep friends. This becomes especially hard when your child starts to notice it, and you see the confusion and hurt show up at home.

Social skills are one of the most poorly understood parts of ADHD. Most professionals receive little to no training in this area, which leaves parents without clear, practical ways to help. As a result, parents are often left guessing.

What’s often missed is that the skills needed to navigate friendships and group situations develop more slowly for many kids with ADHD. This affects how a child joins play, handles disagreement, adjusts behavior, and responds to peers.

Socially Smarter was created to address this gap. It is the first program designed specifically for parents of children with ADHD, based on what the evidence shows works: parent training. It focuses on what parents can set up consistently to help their child navigate friendships and group situations over time.

The images in this post show two downloadable cheat sheets from Socially Smarter. Every section includes a cheat sheet that summarizes key ideas and practical strategies parents can use at home. Socially Smarter is included in the ADHD Dude membership.

These skills are built when you help your child, even when they push back.

01/26/2026

Impulse control is an executive function skill. With ADHD, executive function development runs about 2–3 years behind same-age peers, so reminding them to "just think before you act" isn't a reliable option in real time.

When parents ask what can help their child become less impulsive, they are often recommended things like therapy, having discussions about "what you'll do differently next time", or consequences.

That's not what develops impulse control.
What helps is scaffolding: setting up home expectations and accountability in a way that matches their executive function skill level, rather than treating impulsivity as a character flaw or emotional issue.

This video breaks down what actually moves impulse control and what doesn't.

If you need help creating scaffolding and structure in the home, the ADHD Dude Parent Behavior Training programs, Capable & Confident for ages 4-7, Scaffolding Better Behavior for ages 8-17, and Executive Function Crash Course will provide you with step-by-step strategies.

All are included with the ADHD Dude membership.

01/25/2026

01/24/2026

Children with ADHD often have lagging and inconsistent use of social executive function skills, which are the executive function skills we use when sharing space with others. Perspective-taking (understanding others' thoughts and feelings, and how you're coming across to others) is the core social executive function skill that elementary school-age children with ADHD struggle with, along with flexibility.

What this often looks like is them being bossy or controlling in play situations, yelling at other children when they're not doing what they want. In some cases, they will report that they were "bullied" when other children don't want to play with them because of how they were treated during play.

This is a skill you can absolutely help your child with. In this video, I talk about how to help build flexibility in play situations.

There is an entire playlist at the ADHD Dude YouTube channel about Social Skills. Please subscribe to the channel if you haven't already.

Additionally, in the Socially Smarter course (in the ADHD Dude Membership), I go in-depth with actionable strategies to help you learn how to help your child improve their social executive function skills, and how to help your child socially.

01/23/2026

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘃𝗶𝗿𝘁𝘂𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗯𝘆 𝘁𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱.

This person watched my video about parents being told to stay passive when their child is violent. Their response was to tell me to “shut up” because they believe a label should excuse that behavior and that parents should be harmed in the name of “compassion.”

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗲. 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗱𝗼𝗽𝘁.

A style of parenting currently being sold gives parents only one job. Feel compassionate. Validate everything. Ask nothing. Hold no line. That feels kind. It also tells parents to stay in pain so they can feel virtuous.

When being a good parent means tolerating violence, anyone who talks about stopping harm feels like an enemy. That is why comments like this happen.

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗴𝘂𝗶𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝘀 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻.
𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗰𝘆𝗰𝗹𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱-𝘁𝗼-𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀, 𝗮𝘀 𝗜 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘆.

This is not neurodiverse affirming.
This is not trauma-informed care.
This is not child-centered.

All children need parental leadership to feel emotionally safe.
All children need boundaries, limits, and clear expectations to learn how to live with others.

They do not need their parents to give up leadership so they can protect a moral identity that makes them feel compassionate.

𝗧𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘄, 𝗜 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂. You are not weak. You are not cruel for wanting the violence to stop. This can improve with proper support.

01/23/2026

For the Clinicans & Coaches:

Nonviolent Resistance is an evidence-based framework that supports parents in reducing parental accommodation of challenging behaviors from early childhood through young adulthood. NVR is the foundation of the ADHD Dude approach, which is why I am happy to share the first (virtual) NVR North America conference information with you. Parents are also welcome to attend. I have been involved in the NVR community for several years now and find the work invaluable. I hope you'll join us for this great conference.

Link in the comments section for the conference website.

01/22/2026

Yesterday's video started the conversation.
Today's video builds directly on it.

One of the most common and serious issues in families of kids with ADHD is Severe Tyrannical Behavior, including child-to-parent violence.

When physical aggression continues, it becomes normalized to the child, which is why this does not resolve on its own.

Today's video outlines the 𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲-𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗕𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺𝘀 to stop child-to-parent violence. This is a structured method focused on changing the conditions that allow aggression to continue.

01/21/2026

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁. 𝗜𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝘀𝗼 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀, 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗮𝗱𝘂𝗹𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗶𝘁, 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗱, 𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗶𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿.

If your child is violent toward you and your response is compassion alone, I want you to hear this clearly.

-It does not make you compassionate to tolerate child to parent violence.
-It does not make you your child’s “safe place” to absorb harm.
-It is not neurodiverse-affirming to presume your child is so profoundly incapable that violence is the only option left to them.

That framing lowers expectations in a way that actively harms both you and your child.

Violence is a learned behavior. When it is tolerated, it becomes normalized. When it works, it repeats. Children do not need parents who endure harm. They need parents who interrupt behaviors that put people at risk.

Let me be blunt. If you are tolerating parent-to-child violence, there is a problem that must be addressed now. The longer this goes on, the more entrenched it becomes and the harder it is to stop.

And if you have a son approaching age 10 or older, this is urgent. Allowing violence to continue at that stage increases the risk to you and to everyone else in the home.

To learn how I teach parents to handle child-to-parent violence, I outline the evidence-informed approach I teach parents in our Parent Behavior Training programs, Capable & Confident for ages 4 to 7, and Scaffolding Better Behavior for ages 8 to 17, in the video link in the comment section..

01/20/2026

01/20/2026

𝗠𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝘁 𝗔𝗣𝗦𝗔𝗥𝗗 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟲. [Medical and research ADHD conference.]

As a reminder, this is not my research, so I can't answer questions about study design or methods. My role here is to share evidence-informed information about ADHD, not to debate opinions about research.

Slides 1–3:
This adds to a well-established body of evidence showing that stimulant treatment for ADHD, including long-term use, 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 increases the risk of later substance abuse. In fact, stimulant treatment is associated with a 𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 in serious substance use problems in adolescence and adulthood. Misuse risk is linked to short-acting formulations, not long-acting or extended-release medications.

Slides 4–5:
A longitudinal study following students from 5th through 7th grade found that peer connectedness mattered more than overall school climate in shaping how students felt about their ADHD diagnosis. Feeling accepted by peers reduced negative self-perception related to ADHD.

This finding aligns closely with my in-person work over the years. Social relationships are a key lever for kids with ADHD. Helping them feel included and valued often means supporting participation in school activities and helping build 𝘀𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗲𝘅𝗲𝗰𝘂𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝘂𝗻𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘀, not just focusing on academics.

𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘀𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗲𝘅𝗲𝗰𝘂𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝘂𝗻𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘀. 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝘃𝗮𝗶𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗦𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘀 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗧𝘂𝗯𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗹 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗦𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲.

01/19/2026

“My daughter hits me because she's sensory seeking."
Not quite.

“My son needs headphones at school because of sensory issues."
Then how does he tolerate a football stadium with 50,000 people without them?

"My child can only eat chicken nuggets and buttered pasta because textures make him gag."
Yet he eats a wider range of foods at camp or a friend's house.

These are common explanations parents are given when sensory language is the first framework introduced.

The problem isn't that sensory factors never matter. They do.
The problem is scope.

When a child's tolerance, behavior, or flexibility changes by setting, expectations, or social context, that points away from a global sensory limitation and toward ADHD-related executive function demands.

This is not an anti-Occupational Therapy message. My own son participated in OT, and it was helpful for specific skill-building. The concern is overextension. When sensory explanations are applied too broadly, parents are often led to interpret most ADHD-related challenges as sensory in origin.

That framing reduces parental leverage.

This video clarifies when sensory support is appropriate, when it's not, and how a more accurate explanation changes what parents can actually do.

01/18/2026

If your child feels remorseful or ashamed after treating you or other family members poorly, that is not a problem; instead, it's a good thing. It shows that they care about how their words and behavior impact others, and it means they felt they acted in a way that is incongruent with their values of who they want to be.

It is not your job, nor would it be helpful, to protect your child from every uncomfortable feeling they experience.

Your role is to help them understand that sometimes we don't feel good about how we've treated others, and that what matters is how we make things better. This is why I teach the concept of "cleanups" in the ADHD Dude Parent Behavior Training programs. Cleanups help your child understand how they can make amends when they've said or done something hurtful. This is teaching them reciprocity in relationships, accountability, and kindness.