It’s 4:00, May 15, 1976, and I just married my soulmate, my husband Ed. He loved me, supported my dreams, motivated me to expand my teaching career, was kind and loved people and gave me 2 amazing sons who have walked in the steps of their father.
Fast forward---43 years! It’s 4:00, May 15, 2019, and today I will tell you a different story. That story is one of a depressed human being, who feels she can’t accomplish things, can’t help the people she loves and respects, and wonders about the strong relationship she had with her church, the Pittsburgh Diocese and Bishop David Zubik.
What has changed my life forever? I was r***d by an African priest from Nigeria, Father Cyprian Duru, who was assigned to my parish by Bishop Zubik, while he was working on his doctorate in Ethical Leadership at Duquesne University. The r**e occurred at my home when he stopped by to deliver a Christmas card during the December 11, 2016, Steeler’s game.
That day and the week that followed I was so traumatized, and the only thought going through my head, was, “This is my priest, my priest! How could that happen?” Nightmares, disbelief, so ashamed, and depression took over that week as I was called a “VICTIM” by the hospital staff that did the r**e kit, the Ross Police who took my report, the drs. who prescribed, shots and medication for all kind of s*xual diseases.
The hardest part was telling my pastor who sat and cried with me and then notified the diocese. There were visits by the Diocese Trauma Team to my house offering prayer and help to find a therapist, and a plan for what would happen to Cyprian Duru, who would loose all his identity as a priest, be reported to Duquesne, have to leave my parish, and not to contact me in any way.
Yes, you are correct! They did not say anything about sending him back to his country, suspending him from Duquesne University, or even placing me under police protection.
I had no idea where he was, no idea what he was doing, and would he come back to see me? One other point, he reported the s*x to be consensual in his police report. What a slap in the face? How could he say that, but I guess in his situation it was the only argument he could make?
From the beginning, I insisted that MY coming forward could only hurt the diocese and the bishop, and I was not willing to do that. It took me to April 2017 to press charges after my son talked to me about Pope Francis and Bishop Zubik and their stand on this horrible issue of s*x by priests.
Every morning I wake up and the first thought that occurs is, “I wonder where Cyprian is?” To this day, I still don’t know, even after being told by a lawyer for the church, “I will find him for you.”
2017-2018 became years of stress related diseases, a compromised immune system and anxiety attacks and days where I couldn’t get out of bed, I was so depressed. I couldn’t be with groups of people even if I knew them, without my safe people- people I had shared my story with and could be there for me. The go-getter, happy person was gone, but there was something that didn’t change. My faith in God, the love of my friends and my family and the idea that I wanted to help other women were all a strong part of me. I didn’t lose my SMILE too, which any of you who know me understand my trademark. Even when most communication ended with the diocese and Bishop Zubik; my faith grew stronger. My God was with me all the way on this journey, and it was manifested in so many different ways.
I learned that I had to take things into my own hands. I couldn’t wait for people to make things happen. I wanted a meeting with all parties to talk about my plan to help women in the Catholic Church, because no one could provide any type of Catholic Women’s Support Group for me. The plan was not about personal gain, but to become a survivor, I needed to meet the needs of so many women in the context of prayer and a strong relationship with God. I wrote the Vatican, because that hadn’t been done; I personally wrote to the “nuncio” in Africa and to his bishop in Nigeria detailing my r**e and the consequences of Cyprian’s actions, and begged them to bring him home.
I kept asking for a meeting with these men to plead my case. Even after the PA. Grand Jury Report came out in August last year, I thought this could help my cause. I was now a 67 year old woman, r***d by a Nigerian Catholic priest assigned to my church, and who had filed a complaint within the two year time limit required by law. After the cancellation and postponement of meetings and mix up on dates, I finally met on Feb.8 with 2 lawyers from the diocese, who stated they knew nothing of my issue. We are past two years now and they know nothing? I patiently answered their questions, explained my frustration, depression and inability to move on with my life. They promised me things, but there was no follow-through on their part.
Before Lent, I realized that I had spent over 2 years, 4 months of my life and what had been accomplished? So with the help of God, family and friends, I took over the job of making my plan come to fruition. My lawyer would work on the case, and I would work on the formation of my non-profit.
On Easter Sunday I announced to my family and friends around the dinner table the name of my group! Alleluia! It was to be called
SMG Catholic Women’s Support Network
What is SMG? It stands for St. Maria Goretti, who is the patron virgin-martyr of abused and r***d women.
Mission Statement:
SMG Catholic Women’s Support Network will provide s*xually abused women in the Catholic Church a faith-based path to healing and life empowerment
There are so many steps in becoming a non-profit organization that require research, “woman” and man hours, legal documents, and so many complicated parts to this journey. I have found my passion again, and I am so determined to continue till my network is up and running! With God’s love I know this is the right path. Quoting from one of my favorite songs,
God only knows what you've been through
God only knows what they say about you
God only knows how it's killing you
But there's a kind of love that God only knows
My non-profit will need funds to get it going, so back in January, I applied to a group of adventure travelers to join them on walking the Camino de Santiagoin Spain. This pilgrimage is 500 miles long and is known as the Way of St. James the Great. Created 500 years before Christ, it is a route that travels though farmer fields, little towns, on paths and highways to end at The Santiago de Compostela Cathedral, the birthplace of St. James. We stay in hostels, carry our own backpacks, eat in little cafes, and meet people from all over the world. My group of 16 will be doing about half of the trail and my reason for doing this is to discern God’s plan for the network, and to ask for his help.
My request to you is to support SMG Catholic Women’s Support Network and my walking the Camino by contributing funds to my Go-Fund Me Account.
Please also comment and share my story with your FB friends and family. I promise you FB live feed while on the trip and more information as it becomes available.
Most importantly, if you know a Catholic woman who was abused and r***d by any man at any time in their life, encourage them to come forward to get help to begin their journey from victim to survivor.
Kathy Coll
