01/14/2022
Very important info in the RESPONSE to this post from a school offering shapewear to girls! We suffer because society tells us our bodies are wrong if they don't fit some made up "ideal " mode. We are all different and kids bodies go through huge changes during puberty. I have friends who are worried about both boys and girls body changes... it is normal and expected to gain weight. Read the response to this below.
Yesterday, a middle school in Mississippi sent home this letter to parents, announcing a new program that would provide shapewear to middle school girls to improve their body image.
The premise of the letter, and the program, is completely misguided and, intentional or not, cruel. The letter asks, "Why Do Girls Suffer From Body Image?" I can tell you why they DON'T. Girls don't "suffer from body image" because their bodies are wrong and need fixing. They suffer when people tell them their bodies are wrong and need fixing. Giving middle school girls shapewear to "fix" their bodies says to girls that the adults meant to care for them actually perceive their bodies to be abnormal. THIS is why girls suffer.
What's a normal middle school body? The one your child inhabits.
Many parents and teachers don't understand the vast amount of growth that happens in early adolescence. From my book Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen, in the chapter titled Talking About Taking Care of Yourself:
"Before concluding that your child is unhealthy, you need to know how kids grow. On average, boys do most of their growing between the ages of twelve and sixteen. During those four years, they might grow an entire foot and gain as much as fifty to sixty pounds. Girls have their biggest growth spurt between the ages of ten and fourteen. On average, they can gain ten inches in height and forty to fifty pounds during that time. That was not a typo. Tweens gain a surprising amount of weight during middle school. This is not a cause for alarm. When you notice your child gaining a lot of weight during this period, the best thing you can do is . . . nothing. You don’t want criticism about their body to lodge itself in that “sticky part” of their developing brain. ‘But I would never criticize my child’s body or weight! I simply stress the importance of making healthy choices,’ you counter. Your child knows full well when healthy is code for attractive. Tread carefully around this word as a catchall."
Changing shape and gaining weight is what is supposed to happen at this age. Nothing about that needs fixing, smoothing, or cinching.