02/03/2026
I woke up today, quite honestly, feeling kind of anxious.
A place I get tripped up is when I feel like I haven’t done enough—when I feel like someone is suffering and I haven’t done enough to help them. That can really get me, and a pattern I’ve noticed is that when this happens, I kind of clamp down.
In my alchemical studies, we work a lot with keeping the doors open—to the universe, to God, to life—keeping the doors alive. And when those doors get shut, it’s kind of funny, because suddenly it feels like, *oh great, now there are no solutions, no hope, no possibility.* And yet, before we go looking for solutions or possibility, the work I follow says: you may want to stop and open the doors first.
Really look—are you open to the flow of life energy, vitality, solutions, possibility? Because I find that when I’m clamped down in anxiety or fear, when I’m feeling judgy, when I’m feeling like no one’s supporting me, no one’s helping, and nothing’s going right—the truth is, my doors have shut.
Sometimes there’s also chaos, and I need to clear the chaos and open the doors. Because when I start grasping for solutions with the doors shut, it’s like banging around in the dark inside myself. Nothing lands. Nothing feels right. I just get more frustrated, and everything starts to feel like Groundhog Day.
So this morning, I went and practiced my qigong—even though, quite honestly, when I’m in this state, I don’t feel like doing qigong. I don’t feel settled. And then I think, *well, I’m not going to feel settled while I’m doing my qigong either.* But here’s the deal: I did my qigong opening to the full experience of what I was having.
Was it a blissful, rooted session? No. Towards the end, yes—but in the beginning, it was like nails on a chalkboard. I didn’t want to do the practice. But I knew the practice would open me, and I knew the practice would continue to reveal what I was missing.
And this is what alchemy looks like in practice, in healing. It’s not all kumbaya and blissfully being in the moment. There *is* a lot of that—but I’ve found that a lot of it is actually noticing where we shut down, where we close off, and being willing to go into the deep discomfort associated with that.
So we can learn to hold the discomfort *and* keep the doors open at the same time. That’s how we shift more rapidly and learn from the moments that trip us up.
I won’t say this is easy. But I will say these are the exact tools that keep me exponentially moving forward—growing, becoming more truthful in myself, more free as myself. And it’s what helps me be an amazing practitioner. Because when other people are in that state, I get it. I keep building my skill set and deepening the connection within me so I can hold deeper and deeper levels with other people.
But it also means there are mornings like this—when everything feels off-kilter, when I’m unsettled within myself. And that’s when the work is even more essential.
I used to roll my eyes every time my teacher said, *“When you don’t want to do qigong, that’s exactly when you should do qigong.”* I don’t love the word *should,* but the message is very clear. I didn’t want to do it today—and in doing it, I was actually able to move the stuckness behind the feeling and reorient my day in a positive, uplifting way.
So if you’re feeling stuck, contemplate this: *What is it that I really don’t want to do today?* And could I go do that thing first—something nourishing for you?
Maybe it’s prepping a meal. Maybe it’s sitting down for ten minutes of guided meditation. Maybe it’s deep breathing. If you have a movement practice, maybe it’s doing that practice—while allowing for the fact that the constraint you feel is not a stop signal.
It’s very likely a **go** signal.
🌟 ❤️ 🦄
The next "year of vitality" class is today in the tribe. It is water moving into wood season and we will be learning how to use this time for our deepening vitality while also building more drive and will to participate in our life while nourishing kidney and longevity.
You can find the tribe link here:
https://www.drjulietwomoon.com/offers/2je2qARL/checkout