02/14/2026
1. Irritability Instead of Sadness: When Depression Doesn’t Look Like Depression
Depression in Black girls often shows up as irritability instead of sadness.
Instead of crying, they may become easily frustrated, withdrawn, or emotionally reactive. This is frequently misunderstood as “attitude,” disrespect, or behavioral problems—but in many cases, it is emotional pain without a safe place to go.
It may look like:
• Snapping at others over small things
• Being labeled “disrespectful” or “difficult”
• Increased sensitivity to criticism or correction
• Shutting down emotionally after conflict
• Becoming defensive quickly
• Appearing angry when they are actually hurt
What’s important to understand is that irritability is often a sign of emotional overload.
When Black girls feel unheard, unsafe, overwhelmed, or emotionally exhausted, anger can become the only emotion they feel allowed to express. Sadness can feel too vulnerable. Anger feels protective.
Many Black girls are taught—directly or indirectly—to be strong, to not cry, and to handle things on their own. Over time, sadness gets buried and comes out as frustration.
This is not defiance.
This is not a character flaw.
This is often depression in disguise.
When we pause to ask, “What is she feeling?” instead of “What is wrong with her?” we create space for understanding instead of punishment.
Irritability is often a signal that a Black girl is carrying more emotional weight than she has support for.
She doesn’t need discipline first.
She needs safety.
She needs support.
She needs to be seen.
— Larneka Lavalais, LPC-S
Therapy that gets you. Healing that grows you.
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