04/28/2022
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but
attachment parenting in a detached society is exhausting.
No. It’s not your baby.
There is nothing wrong with them if they want to be held all the time.
No. It’s not you.
You’re not doing it wrong.
Your feelings of exhaustion and depletion and being touched out are normal- considering the weight you’re carrying. Those feelings, and the deep ache underneath them - are a reminder that you were never meant to do this alone.
Babies want to be held. And we want to hold them close. Exclusive/extended breastfeeding, cosleeping, babywearing - all of these are intuitive, ancestral practices that have kept our species alive throughout history. Attachment parenting is just parenting!!
But never before have we parented in such isolation. There were always other hands stirring the soup pot, other aunties, and sisters, and uncles and grandmas, and cousins, and neighbors helping with the daily tasks and child rearing. Other arms carrying the weight of raising humanity. Together.
And now, it’s just you. Alone in the kitchen, trying to stir the soup and bounce the baby and play with the toddler and keep an eye on the big kid and answer the phone and sweep up the mess and tackle the laundry and .....
No matter how magical your baby wrap is — it can’t take the place of a whole village.
So no, you’re not doing it wrong. You’re just trying to stay connected in a world set on tearing you apart.
But don’t give up mama. I know you’re tired and touched out, but you’re giving your baby exactly what she needs. And maybe one day, when she’s raising her own babies, there will be a village around her, helping her hold it all together.
