05/23/2025
When we meet up with someone we know, we have the habitual reflex to compliment their appearance. The ol’ “Hey there, you look {fill in the blank]!’
Of course, most of us are just trying to make this person feel welcome and seen but have you ever wondered how these types of comments can make people feel?
Why is this the first thing we do when meeting someone?
Well, our culture holds an unrealistic value on appearance, and when we positively compliment someone’s body we are upholding their cultural worth by more closely looking like the “ideal.”
I have been there when I lost a lot of weight, EVERYONE commented on my body and wondered “what I was doing.”
Even though I enjoyed the attention, I inadvertently started to associate my personal value with my looks. When my looks started to change (aka, gained weight) and I didn’t receive compliments anymore, it was a strange feeling.
On one hand, it was nice to not constantly be explaining my disordered eating but on the other, I wondered what people thought of me.
I’ve worked through these feelings and am doing really well now but lets all work on changing what we say when we meet up with friends and family.
➡️ You will never know if you are complimenting someone’s eating disorder, a medication change, grief, or a cancer diagnosis.
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