12/30/2025
Feeling moments of light as the winter here in Oregon is being so fickle and uncommitted. Solstice was rich with teachings. The main one is to be clear with where my attention goes. Things continue to not go as planned, entire visions unravel into something else.
Then in the dance of “oh this is here” and I am asked to meet it! Sometimes I just want to hide away. I want to be a slob. I want to do it all wrong. I want to really fail. But my spiritual practice and strong manager parts won’t let me indulge in my tendency towards collapse. So I sit with the sour disappointment. I must be with all the disappointments as teachers. Really such a good one for me, teaching me again and again to see what is the whole need not just mine.
Every day is like a gift to be smushed in my face. Mostly it’s my young longing for ideals that hook me. And my very Capricorn ability to see an entire scene, event, happening etc…in my imagination. It makes me an impeccable creator, but leads me to not be available to the moment.
As disease and injury are hitting ones close to me I am aware how we must not take things as a personal penance of some cosmic vengeance. Even as they are ruthless. It must be a practice of right view, then met with compassionate action, and if I am lucky I can rest in some sense of non-dual essence by singing Tara mantras, heart sutra Om Gate Para Gate Para sam gate boddhi soha, sky gazing, dancing, IFS parts talks, doggy snuggles, and deep cries with my besties!
So as the light hit these pearl earrings my fabulous friend Katherine made for me I felt this selfy would send you a bit of me and my words would give you even more inside.
May these ripe dark 12 nights be feeding you.
Xoxox Natalya