Lisa Kestler, Clinical Psychologist

10/04/2020

What is What Iff-ing? And how do we change What If’s into If-Then’s?
If you haven’t checked it out already, GoZen this is a wonderful resource for parents.

05/06/2020

Are there more meltdowns in your home these days? Are your kids melting down too, or is it just the grown ups?🤪😫You might find some good tips, for everyone, in this blog post from NESCA, a clinic in MA.

"In homes across America, even as we settle into quarantine, slow down our lives and find ways to enjoy our time together, there may be more meltdowns happening that are filled with tears, screams and lots of “No, I don’t want to!” Adults and children are becoming overheated, over-stressed, and our systems are over-burdened. And when a system can no longer take it, it melts down, boils over, erupts, or crashes and burns. In these moments, it is the only way of coping – to let loose, let off of steam, erupt – or just plain melt down. Sometimes it’s hard to believe, but each of us is doing the best we can to cope with a difficult environment. We’re trying to do the best we can, because our biological system is in a meltdown. We are not responding; instead we are reacting from our “downstairs” brain and not our “upstairs” brain. [...]
Everyone wants to have a good day. Remember, when it’s going in a different direction, you are the adult. You can take a breath and even walk away (if you can) for a few seconds to compose yourself. This allows you to respond versus react. It is your job to manage the situation and take the emotional high road (often easier said than done)."

By Dot Lucci, M.Ed., CAGS Director of Consultation and Psychoeducational Services, NESCA When we think of the word meltdown, we may think of the economy or stock market, glaciers, nuclear...

03/26/2020

This. "This compulsory activity of online assignments is mostly adding stress to our culture in this difficult moment […]
Online school-at-home is the worst of everything:
• Students don’t get to be with their friends
• Students face many boring, confusing, or irrelevant assignments
• The electives and extra-curricular activities that make school worthwhile don’t exist for the most part
• Teachers and students have fewer personal moments and important Interactions
• Parents are expected to make sure their children do this work – the homework conflict expands to fill the day as well as the night."

Visit the post for more.

03/22/2020

I have to admit this has been a big challenge in my house this past week ... All of us are adjusting.
“Research suggests that getting in to a predictable and consistent schedule and rhythm can help to qualm anxiety and help children feel like they have some control over their lives.”

A place where words matter

03/24/2019

In addition to tips for staying sane through the process, Allison Slater Tate's take on the college admissions process is a reminder that *getting in* is not the point of college: "Weissbourd referred to research by non-profit organization Challenge Success that showed that the selectivity of a college means "shockingly little," he noted, to students' later success compared to how well students connect to their campuses, wherever they go. "When students are engaged in college, they do very well," he said. "It's really much more about academic engagement and fit."

A Harvard expert says to let your teen lead the way.

03/23/2019

"Kids with slow processing speed often respond reactively, or impulsively. They can’t get through all the needed steps of understanding the problem, thinking about it, and using their executive skills before they respond. They end up responding in a way that’s impulsive and not thought out.
They don’t lack the skills to respond reflectively. They lack the speed to use those skills effectively."

Does slow processing speed impact executive function? Learn how processing speed affects working memory, attention and other thinking skills.

03/23/2019

Lazy, rude, unmotivated, defiant, selfish, won’t, should, refuses... "These Red Light Words are not helpful. They’re negative, and they pull us down into negative spaces. Your thoughts — your hope, optimism, and gratitude — affect your success as a parent of a special needs child. You have to do this work and practice it to keep in the right mindset. Banishing the Red Light Words helps put you in a positive space, which is always more helpful."

When your child ignores, disregards, or otherwise disobeys you, punishment is an understandable consequence. It’s also not always effective. To prevent similar behavior in the future, you’ve got to…

03/23/2019

The rise in teen su***de has me looking for innovative community interventions. This one makes a lot of sense, given the lack of support kids feel after schools refer “out” - when a child confides in someone at school, they are often told they can cannot return until they have a doctors note saying they are not suicidal. If you are aware of more supportive approaches - especially from schools - please share!
“King suspects what makes the intervention effective is that the kids were the ones to nominate the adults. Perhaps that makes them think about the connections they have with others — and opens a door to strengthening them.”

Teens were hospitalized for su***de. Researchers then asked them to think about the adults who cared about them.

03/21/2019

"Key to the success of SPACE, he said, is the parent’s systematically communicating to the child that he or she is loved and supported and that the parent believes in him or her.

Parents, in turn, don’t mandate a certain behavior from the child. Rather, adults change their own behavior – declining to continue to sleep with a worried child, for example.

Over time, “the child is learning they in fact can cope,” Lebowitz said. “It’s actually living and experiencing that they can be OK, that their anxiety will pass.”

In a new program developed at the Yale, parents are being taught to help their kids manage their anxiety by reducing the accommodations they make for their children’s symptoms.

03/16/2019

I think the Five C’s method is important for parenting any child, not just those with ADHD. Self-Control, Compassion, Collaboration, Consistency and Celebration: a roadmap for reducing family stress and equipping children with the skills they need to thrive.

Dr. Sharon Saline focuses on self-Control, Compassion, Collaboration, Consistency and Celebration as a roadmap for reducing family stress and equipping children with ADHD with the skills they need to thrive.

02/09/2019

I love EKM’s take on self-esteem: “We don’t need to “boost” our children’s self-esteem. Instead, we want to ease the harsh self-focus that’s the root cause of low self-esteem by helping them connect with something bigger than themselves.“

Why telling kids they’re great doesn’t build real self-esteem...and what does.