09/18/2025
“My name is Brendon. I’ve been a victim of drugs since the start of my life. My mother was a crack addict. From the beginning drugs ruled over me. After I was born, I was tossed between various family members and foster homes. For a short period of time, I was able to stay with my father, but eventually he decided he wanted to create a new family which didn’t involve me. Even while being young, I still felt the pain of all these events. My mind wondered, questioning whether or not I would ever find anyone to truly love me, to care for me, to just want me.
When my mother stopped using drugs, I moved in with her. I was five years old. I had my mom by my side, and she acted like she loved me. She seemed to be like the mothers I had seen on television and what I had wished for. My happiness didn’t last long. My mom became irritated with me and was very quick to punish me. She would hit me over the smallest things. She would yell for hours and in one instance she even threw my dog across the room into a door. It got to the point where I felt completely and utterly scared of walking into my own home. I feared what would happen when I passed the threshold of our small house and I wondered what would happen if I ran away. Maybe I could find something worth living for. Maybe I would find someone to love me.
Over a short time, my mother’s moods began to change. She was calm but uncaring. She didn’t care enough to even get me from school. I failed that year of first grade. Strange men began to come into our home, and she started using drugs again. I believed the drugs were what made her calm, so I didn’t mind at first. Before long, she began to chase drugs. I spent countless days and nights alone, crying, screaming, and hiding under the covers to shield myself from the strange noises I heard. Every time a car went by, I ran to see if it was my mom, it was rarely her. I blamed myself for her leaving. Maybe if I was a better child, a cuter one, or a smarter one she would have stayed.
I was six years old when my mother lost custody of me and I went to live with my grandparents. They loved me and raised me away from the violence and drugs. I became an honor student, a football player, and I attended church regularly. My mother stopped using drugs again and even went to college, but the change didn’t last. I had allowed her back into my life and with each relapse I became angrier. Even with all of my accomplishments, I felt that I wasn’t enough. If I wasn’t enough for my own mother, then why was I enough for anyone else. I felt upset, confused, and mostly dead on the inside. My life felt useless, and I was trapped in it. I searched for something to deal with my deep despair and one night I smoked ma*****na for the first time. It changed everything. I had the most amazing sensation I had ever felt. I felt happy, my mind wasn’t constantly running and the hate for myself no longer existed. I was finally free or at least I thought so.
Ma*****na became my fix for everything. When I was sad, I got high. When I was mad, I got high. When I felt alone, I got high. I began to need more and more ma*****na which meant I had to have more money. I began to steal from my grandparents and manipulate them into giving me money. I became my worst fear, an addict like my mother. I received the news that my mom was found dead from a fentanyl overdose, and I started to drink heavily. I too was on my way to dying from drugs and alcohol.
I was told about Adult & Teen Challenge and came to the training center in desperation. It was my last opportunity to survive, and I was willing to do anything. Over the last several month’s my life has changed. I am starting life over and have found healing and hope. I know I never have to feel alone again. I have experienced the love I always searched for through Jesus Christ at Adult & Teen Challenge.
