09/15/2021
Stonewalling is emotionally withdrawing from your partner which can trigger feelings of abandonment for your partner. It looks like, icy distance, the silent treatment, walking away, the cold shoulder, but also includes rolling eyes, and emotionally checking out of a conversation.
Do you stonewall during conflict?
Stonewalling, one of the Four Horsemen, is Dr. John Gottman's term for one or both partners shutting down when feeling overwhelmed during conflict. Rather than confronting the issue, someone who is stonewalling will be unresponsive, making evasive maneuvers such as tuning out, turning away, or acting busy.
Self-soothing is the antidote to stonewalling. When stonewalling happens, stop the conversation and take a break. It can be helpful to agree on a signal, phrase, or gesture to clearly communicate when you're feeling overwhelmed. By taking a break (Dr. John Gottman recommends self-soothing for at least twenty minutes), you can calm your nervous system and return to the conversation with a clearer perspective and a better ability to problem solve.
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