12/16/2025
Codependency is often misunderstood as something that only exists in relationships involving addiction or substance use. In reality, it’s a learned relational pattern that often begins much earlier.
Many people develop codependent patterns in childhood, especially in families where emotions were unpredictable, overwhelming, or unmanaged. In those environments, children often learn—implicitly—that staying connected means staying attuned to other people’s needs.
They learn to:
* manage emotions around them
* keep the peace
* take responsibility for how others feel
* minimize their own needs
These strategies make sense when stability depends on them.
As adults, this can show up as:
* feeling responsible for others’ emotions
* overfunctioning in relationships
* difficulty setting or maintaining boundaries
* guilt when prioritizing yourself
* equating love with effort or self-sacrifice
Substance use may become part of some of these relationships—not because codependency causes addiction, but because unresolved relational patterns make distress and instability harder to tolerate.
Understanding codependency this way is often deeply relieving. It shifts the story from “What’s wrong with me?” to “This is how I learned to stay connected.”
With awareness, these patterns can change. And addressing them can lead to relationships that feel more mutual, grounded, and freeing.