01/09/2022
Why is passive or passive aggressive communication harmful in a relationship?
Let’s start with what passive communication is.
Passive communication is when a person prioritizes the needs, wants, and feelings of others, even at their own expense. The person does not express their own needs, or does not stand up for them. This can lead to a feeling of being taken advantage of, even by well meaning people who are unaware of the passive communicator's needs and wants. Passive communication often is:
• Soft spoken / quiet
• Allows others to take advantage
• Prioritizes needs of others
• Poor eye contact / looks down or away
• Does not express one's own needs or wants
• Lack of confidence
Passive communication is often an attempt to avoid conflict or to make everyone happy. Although it is intended to avoid conflict it is often accompanied by passive aggressive behavior or comments. The passive communicator denies the aggressive nature and may feel assertive communication as aggressive. When conflict arises the passive communicator often engages in stonewalling.
Stonewalling is emotionally withdrawing, shutting down, or going silent during important discussions. Rather than stating what they want, the passive person avoids the discussion. Stonewalling
• Often is a response to feeling overwhelmed.
• Is used to avoid difficult discussions or problems.
• Results in underlying problems go unresolved.
At times everyone uses passive communication or shuts down.
Passive communication is hurtful to a relationship because the issues do not get resolved. Partners are not able to determine what the partner wants and how to resolve the issue. Often the issue is denied, making resolution especially difficult.
