11/05/2025
When I train my clinicians to work with couples, I always remind them:
We’re not just talking about “communication problems.”
We’re talking about childhood patterns that never got healed.
Because the way you were seen, loved, or dismissed growing up…
shows up in how you argue, how you shut down, how you love, how you protect yourself, and how you show up in your marriage.
Some people learned:
• Avoid emotions to stay “safe”
• Don’t ask for needs — you’ll be ignored
• Stay small to keep the peace
• Love means chaos, intensity, or unpredictability
So guess what?
Those same patterns become the blueprint for your adult relationships.
This is why I don’t shy away from exploring childhood wounds in couples therapy.
It’s not just a conversation — it’s often the turning point in saving the relationship.
And now, the clinicians I supervise are learning to do the same:
We go deep.
We connect the dots.
We heal at the root — not at the surface.
Because marriages don’t fall apart from “problems.”
They fall apart from unhealed pain.
And the good news?
Pain can be healed.
Patterns can be rewired.
Connection can be restored.
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