Ivanna Colangelo, Marriage and Family Therapy PLLC

04/06/2023

Hi! I'm looking to gather some information for a new service I want to offer men who are looking for help improving their relationship with their female partner.

The men I'm looking to help are feeling dissatisfied in their relationship due to increased conflict and/or a lack of intimacy and are wanting to learn how to be better partners and get their needs met in their relationship.

I want to make sure that what I'm creating and offering is in line with what men are actually looking for so that I can best meet those needs.

If this sounds like you, I'd love for you to answer a few questions for me (and if it sounds like someone you know, please share!)

I am not selling or pitching anything and I know this is personal so all the responses are anonymous. You are welcome to leave your email at the end if you're okay with me contacting you with any follow up questions.

Thanks so much for the help! 😊

https://forms.gle/C7mBWV6Cje27rCzi9

03/30/2023

Hi! I'm looking to gather some information for a new service I want to offer couples looking for help with their relationship as an alternative to traditional couples counseling. The couples I'm looking to help are those that are not in crisis or on the brink of divorce, but feeling dissatisfied in their relationship and wanting to find greater peace, overcome communication pitfalls, and/or feel more physically and emotionally connected to each other. If they have children or plan on having children, they believe it's important to model for them what a healthy relationship looks like.

I want to make sure that what I'm creating and offering is in line with what couples are actually looking for so that I can best meet those needs. If this sounds like you, I'd love for you to answer a few questions for me. I am not selling or pitching anything and I know this is personal so all the responses are anonymous but you are welcome to leave your email at the end if you're okay with me contacting you with any follow up questions. Thanks so much for the help!

Hi! I'm looking to gather some information for a new service I want to offer couples looking for help with their relationship as an alternative to traditional couples counseling. The couples I'm looking to help are those that are not in crisis or on the brink of divorce, but feeling dissatisfied in....

01/04/2023

I wrote this in my stories yesterday and was asked to make it shareable so here it is as a post. Still can’t believe it took an hour to call the game off. Still worrying about Damar Hamlin and his health but also the effect this has had on loved ones and his teammates. Really hope they get the space and emotional support they need and deserve 🤍

02/18/2022

All emotions are important and valuable but…I just can’t get behind shame. I blame Brené Brown. But no she’s right, it’s truly the root of so many of the problems we face.

First of all, what is shame? It’s basically that “I’m not good enough” feeling. It’s when you feel like you are “bad” or “wrong” in some way.

Unlike guilt, which is that feeling that you did something wrong, the focus of shame is who you are as a PERSON. Not your behavior.

In relationships, it’s SO easy for some of us to go straight into shame mode as soon as our partner shares a feeling or opinion, makes a request, or expresses a complaint.

This is often a result of early family experiences where we were intentionally or unintentionally shamed for expressing a feeling, voicing an opinion, making a mistake, etc. A lot of our parents used shame as a form of punishment so we wouldn’t repeat problematic behaviors. So it makes sense that because of this early wiring, we’re primed to feel shame during regular relational interactions, often leading to ruptures and conflict.

Example: my husband says he doesn’t like the food at the restaurant I happened to choose for date night.
My brain on shame: “Wow I can’t do anything right, why is he even with me. I suck as a wife.”
Me: (in a defensive tone) “Fine, I guess I won’t pick where we go for date night anymore.”

😖 Beating myself up will not only create disconnection between us, but it’s also self-centered. I’m personalizing his feelings and making them about me and how much I suck. Now he’s in a position of having to respond to me and MY feelings about his feelings.

OR I could acknowledge the initial feeling of shame, take a deep breath, pull myself up from that one-down shame place, and stay focused on HIS experience:

“Oh no, what about the food are you not liking?”
“That’s disappointing, there were so many good reviews about this place.”
“Would you want to order something different?”

Definitely not easy, but we can retrain our brains to recognize when we’re going down into that shame rabbit hole and pull ourselves out so we can stay present and connected in the moment. Let me know what you think in the comments 👇🏼

08/06/2019

I hate that I have to keep talking about this. Mass shooters are not disproportionately “mentally ill.” They’re disproportionately male.

New link to blog post from last year: https://www.ivannalmft.com/relationship-counseling-blog/hurt-people-hurt-people

Let’s take a look at recent tragedies in our country and abroad lately: Florida school shooting (and all the ones that have come before) Domestic violence in the NFL Charlottesville march Vegas concert shooting Texas church shooting Police brutality Police being shot Multiple terrorist acts in the...

07/10/2019

Thanks for the feature Martha Stewart Weddings! Hope this helps normalize the issues that can come up during the engagement period (spoiler alert: it’s not all ❤️s and 🌈 s).

Another reason why I *highly* recommend premarital counseling to engaged couples.

A new relationship status means something.

05/20/2019

In honor of the series finale tonight...

05/12/2019

Mother’s Day. For many people that means flowers and handmade cards and Sunday brunches and waves of laughter. It means celebration and gratitude and warm embraces and great rejoicing. It mea…

04/24/2019

So tired of hearing negativity about millennials when there’s a lot of positive I see in my generation that isn’t talked about enough. This article confirms what I’ve been seeing in my practice, which is younger couples and individuals

a) Being much more willing to make their mental health and relationships a priority

b) Doing preventive or maintenance work outside of moments of crisis

c) Reaching out for support as soon as they notice issues come up, rather than waiting until it’s too late.

d) Talking about therapy as a normal part of general wellness and self-care

People in their 20s and 30s seek mental-health help more often, and they are changing the nature of treatment

12/20/2018

YES. Thank you to this teacher and all other teachers who are going above and beyond in trying to change the future of boys.

"Emotionally stunted boys become dysfunctional men who remain “trapped in the same suffocating, outdated model of masculinity, where manhood is measured in strength, where there is no way to be vulnerable without being emasculated, where manliness is about having power over others.”

Teacher: "It’s critical that we find a way to give America’s boys the tools to wrangle with their inner lives. How can we normalize the language of emotional literacy before it’s too late?"