Up to Earth

01/21/2026

Things I do not say...

People who have “known” me my whole life are shocked when I tell them that I have ADHD. They are shocked when they learn that I experienced depression and suicidal ideation when I was a teenager.

People who “know” me will tell you that I am outspoken and that I gave zero sh*ts about what other people thought, that I was going to do what I wanted when I wanted, regardless of the opinions of others.

To an extent, they are right.

What they don’t understand is that every action I took, every word I spoke (at least when I wasn’t under the influence of any intoxicating substance), every sentence I have spoken, was run through a filter. The gymnastics in my brain are impressive, busy, and meticulous.

How do I say what I need to in the most concise way possible?
How do I want people to perceive me?
What effect do I want to have here?

My most personal thoughts and feelings are rarely spoken; they are tucked away inside my brain, organized, acknowledged, and then locked away.

When the storage space is limited, I will release these thoughts from their captivity onto the pages of a journal or typed away in a note.

My deepest feelings are handled like hazmat: contained, carefully handled, and sequestered from outsiders.

For the longest time, I have held onto them because of the pain they might cause to others.

What I failed to realize about my thought storage system is that hanging onto all of the painful content would hurt the most important person: me.

There is no longer storage space for nuclear feelings inside my brain or in my
body.

There is a saying for people in recovery: “Secrets keep you sick.”

I understand now. Holding onto all of this pain has done some damage, and I am afraid the only way to stop the damage is to say the unsaid things.

I am ready to start.

01/19/2026

"If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward." Martin Luther King Jr.

01/17/2026

Reflections after meeting with a client:

It feels good to make other people feel good, until it doesn't.
One day, someone asks you a simple question: "How did that make you feel?" or "What are you passionate about?"
And you freeze. Because you genuinely don't know the answer.

You've spent so long catering the comfort of others that you've erased yourself in the process.
Every time you compromised your needs for the benefit of someone else pieces of you were chipped away.

When you finally realize what's happened, it hits deep. It shakes everything. You question your sanity. You feel lost in your own life.
But here's what I know: you can find your way back.

It starts with recognizing the patterns. Bit by bit, you can reestablish who you are, what you need, and what you're no longer willing to compromise.

It's uncomfortable. It's confusing. And it's one of the most important things you'll ever do.
If this resonates, I'd love to support you through it.

PM me to learn more about how we can help you rebuild yourself into a woman who will never erase herself again. Visit www.uptoearthcoaching.com for more information.

12/30/2025

In July 2025 when I told my husband that I had scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist his first response was “why?” My answer: I should be happy and I’m just not, my voice shaky and my eyes welling with tears.
From the outside looking in at my life, I had every reason to celebrate. I had a comfortable job, a solid marriage, a nice home, my dream car, the sweetest dog in the world. I was free from the burdens that come with raising children, a choice that I made intentionally. I had accomplished nearly everything that I set out to do. I wasn’t ready to admit it yet, but I was utterly miserable.
I felt invisible. I felt incredibly alone. I felt broken. I felt like a fraud, the custom plate on my car read “GR8FL” (Grateful). I had been living a life of gratitude when I ordered those plates in 2021. I was newly sober alongside my husband, after eight years of living married while we both struggled through alcohol addiction. We had beat the odds, survived alcohol addiction and come out on the other side. Still married, with a greater appreciation for each other.
Four years after ordering those plates I wondered if I deserved to have them on my car. I had every reason to be grateful, but I just couldn’t feel anything anymore. I no longer had energy or interest in things that had mattered greatly to me before.
At my first appointment, my psychiatrist told me that I had a chemical imbalance in my brain that needed to be addressed before therapy would be effective. I had listened to some podcasts that mentioned this imbalance, and how medication can help address depression, how being on the right medication doesn’t feel like you are medicated at all.
There was something holding me back though, I was afraid to try medication, because I was aware of the possible side-effects: potential worsening of depression, loss of libido, dry mouth, digestive issues, etc. I actually told my psychiatrist “I don’t want to take medication”.
I was using the potential negative side effects to mask the real reason I didn’t want to be medicated, stigma.
I put my pride aside, I had sought help because despite my best efforts, I was unable to solve my problem on my own. I decided to trust my doctor, when she recommended medication, I took it. Within hours of the first dose, I felt alive again. Not healed, not happy (yet), but alive. Alive and filled with energy and hope.
I still have dreams of one day not needing medication. For now, I am grateful to feel alive again and little by little, I am cracking my heart open and allowing the light to come in. It’s always been difficult for me to accept help, even more difficult for me to admit that I need help. The truth is that vulnerability feels much scarier than it actually is, and those times when I have been able to be fully honest with myself and others are the times I’ve felt most alive.
My fear of being seen is the very thing standing between me and the connection that can fill the void inside myself.

12/28/2025

Check out Up.to.earth’s post.

12/20/2025

7.7.2001

Be Strong
Fight away the bad in your life
Be Smart
Know the difference between wrong and right
Be Brave
Face the things that scare you
Be Loyal
Keep the friends that are true
Be Aware
Notice all the things that surround
Be Ready
You never know what could go down
Be yourself
No one could ask for anything more than that

12/03/2025

I’m excited to share that I am now officially a Certified Life Coach.

This milestone marks the beginning of a new chapter for Up to Earth, a space rooted in healing, self-discovery and reconnection with the natural world. What began as a personal journey has grown into a purpose-driven practice supporting others as they navigate change, rediscover their strength and reconnect with who they truly are.

Up to Earth is here for the silenced voices who are ready to be heard. For the diminished spirits that are ready to be whole again. For those who have felt unseen and are ready to be witnessed.

If that speaks to you, I’d love to walk alongside you.

More to come soon. 🌿

Earners of this badge are able to skillfully coach with clients one-on-one and confidently demonstrate that they embody the coaching mindset. They both understand and utilize the International Coaching Federation (ICF) Core Competencies to their fullest potential and are ethical practitioners in the...

08/23/2024

Thoughts from a greater short-horned lizard...

07/20/2021

In case anyone needed a reminder.

05/04/2021

Have you ever encountered someone who just made you feel GOOD, their energy radiating the best vibes and their spirit just uplifting to everyone around them. Sometimes these people might be referred to as "A breath of fresh air".
Spending time around a person, or having an experience that makes us feel lighter and happier and renews our faith in good things can change our day, it can change our whole life.

The opposite is also true. Spending time around negative people can bring us down and leave our energy drained and our perspective skewed to pessimism.

Something I continue to have to be aware of is that I only have control over myself, so it's up to me to not let the negativity of others lead me astray from what I know to be true. Similarly, I know that actively seeking the brighter, lighter side of any situation can actually help those around me to ditch some of that heavy pessimism and to breathe a bit easier knowing that not all "tough situations" are meant to smother us, but rather to make us stronger and humbler.

Choose to be someone's breath of fresh air today.

04/03/2021

First content I have shared here that isn't original and I couldn't think of a more appropriate one to share.

Yes, competition can be a good thing, and very motivating but this really spoke to me today.

When one person is doing well, we all do better. Here is to cheering the success of others!

03/16/2021