Jessica Hansen, LPC, LLC

11/04/2022

10/21/2022

"One of the essential messages of Why Does He Do That is that abusiveness is not a product of anything about the man’s emotional world or his mental health difficulties. It’s almost entirely a product of his attitudes and his values. It is especially a product of his beliefs about:

1) what kinds of demands he has a right to make on women (including the demand that they be silent and swallow their grievances)

and

2) what kinds of punishments he has the right to impose when she doesn’t meet those demands

In other words, abusiveness is driven almost entirely by a man’s belief that controlling and punishing a woman is justifiable, and that his behavior is normal and can be excused."

For twenty years I’ve been receiving messages from furious men, or reading their spit-spraying rants online. I’ve chosen not to respond to them (well, maybe I did give into temptation a couple of times) because I don’t believe it serves any purpose. That style of man never examines what he’s...

02/16/2022

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11/15/2021

It's easy to jump in and try to reason with our kids when they don't handle something well or need to learn something. But we know some things about the brain here that can really help you to stay connected with your child AND help them learn better.

I talk about it using the Brain Stoplight metaphor.

First we need to Regulate. We need to connect and get out of the red light state (my language) or our survival brain.

Then we need to connect in the emotional space. "It makes sense why you reacted that way. I'm sorry. I didn't know you were having a hard time..." The point is to connect. This is the yellow light or the emotional brain. We need to speak to that next.

And then, and only then, are you and your child back to green light and can reason.

Regulate.
Relate.
Reason.

In that order.

This is how our brains work and how our children's brains work. Work with these ideas and see how it transforms your family's conflicts. Works for partners, too!

ETA: Image or information courtesy of Beacon House Therapeutic Services & Trauma Team | 2021 | www.beaconhouse.org.uk

10/26/2021

Some of y'all need to hear this ❤

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