02/24/2026
If you’re trying to change a child’s behavior and build skills, typically you want to reinforce the behavior you want to see more of. Parents and teachers often fall into the trap of providing that reinforcement too long after the desired behavior. When this happens, the child doesn’t mentally associate the reward with the behavior they demonstrated. This is even more of an issue with kids with ADHD, who often experience “time blindness,” where they struggle to accurately gauge the passage of time or plan for the future.
The other issue caregivers often run into is trying to reinforce multiple vague “good” behaviors instead of targeting one at a time. So, this general praise might look like getting a toy from the prize box at the end of day for “having a good day.” The child won’t necessarily link that prize with something specific they did. Likely they’ll just be happy they happened to be “good” and got a prize! It’s a nice feeling but doesn’t teach them what to do again next time.
So what should we do? Target one specific skill or behavior and reinforce it right away. As kids get older, you can start increasing the amount of time between the behavior and reward, as their concept of time improves.
Examples of this might include:
- For a 3 year old, give them a sticker right after circle time if they keep their hands to themselves.
- For a 6 year old, give them a high five as soon as you see them taking a deep breath to calm themselves down instead of screaming.
- For a 9 year old, let them play with Legos for 10 minutes before bed if they got their homework done that evening.
- For a 13 year old, give them a ticket when you catch them starting their work right away in class. That ticket can be turned into their parents that night for a desired activity (i.e. something small that night or get at least 4 tickets during the week for extra screen time on weekend).
This is positive reinforcement that helps build skills over time! 🎟️