SOAR Behavior Analysis Services, LLC

11/26/2025

Agree or Disagree: “Logic and problem‑solving are impossible until a child feels safe and connected.”

The "brain states" model indicates that survival and emotional states can block logic and reasoning.

Most agree that children need support to solve problems. Our differences are usually about timing.

What might happen if we try reasoning during a meltdown? How does safety or connection change your own ability to problem-solve?

Check out SOAR ABA Therapy’s post.

11/22/2025

AGREE or DISAGREE: When it comes to our kids, rewards create dependency instead of motivation.



It can feel like rewards make kids chase the prize instead of the skill. And there IS some research that suggests external rewards can undermine intrinsic motivation if they’re overused. That’s why many parents and educators focus on building natural satisfaction from effort or mastery.

Rewards can be powerful, especially for teaching new routines or skills. Behavioral science shows extrinsic rewards to be effective, but the challenge is making sure kids don’t rely on them forever. Some families use rewards as a bridge to intrinsic motivation. But let's not forget how many tasks in our lives rely on some sort of extrinsic reinforcement (i.e. reward): 1) Our paycheck is ultimately the reason we go to work everyday so that we can afford all of our wants and needs. Many of us LOVE our jobs but we'd much rather be with our families or engaged in hobbies. 2) Cleaning our house is often motivated by avoiding avoiding criticism or pests or the stress that disorganization causes us. Most people don't actually like cleaning. That's why cleaning services are so popular. I could add to this list all day!

It’s interesting how rewards can be both motivating and limiting depending on how they’re used. Maybe the real question is: how do we help kids move from external rewards to internal motivation? I wonder if rewards are less about dependency and more about how we frame them — as celebration, encouragement, or transaction.

What strategies have you found helpful for encouraging motivation without rewards?

How do you decide when a reward is helpful versus when it might get in the way?

Check out SOAR ABA Therapy’s post.

11/18/2025

Agree or Disagree: "Parents should apologize to their kids when they're wrong."

I posted this question a few days ago and it really took off. You guys were really passionate about this topic. Most agreed but a handful actually disagreed. A few even said, sometimes jokingly 🤣, "I'm never wrong." That can be a dangerous opinion to hold. No one is right 100% of the time. People make mistakes, people lose their temper, people form opinions based on inaccurate information, people change their minds based on new information. Those who believe they are never wrong, are saying that they have nothing more to learn in life and I don't believe that is ever true.

Those who disagreed seemed to do so based on their opinions of respect, obedience, and authority. I want to challenge that! I argue that being able to apologize, even to your children, earns MORE respect from them. Because it shows them that you hold yourself accountable and you respect them as human beings, not just someone to control as an authoritarian. Authority demands obedience, often out of fear. Leadership breeds respect by modeling the behavior we want to see. Apologizing is leadership.

While most everyone agreed that we "should" apologize, one person pointed out "I wonder how many actually do?" which is so real because apologizing is hard, especially if you were raised in a household where this wasn't modeled for you. A lot of Gen X and Millennials are breaking patterns out there and I am here for it! I could really tell by all the Gen Z and Alphas who were questioning "Why is this even controversial?"

Apologies show up in every relationship: from family, to friends, to school, to coworkers. So I want to dive into WHY apologies are so hard, from a behavioral perspective. Behavior Analysis is my specialty so I love breaking it down in a way that explains how our environment effects our behavior.

So, why IS it hard to say "I'm sorry"? Well, apologies are a learned behavior. And like any behavior, it’s shaped by reinforcement, effort, and context.

Often people simply haven’t learned how to apologize. They might not know how to identify harm that they've caused, or to express regret, or to offer repair. But that’s a teachable skill — not a moral failing.

If saying sorry has been punished — maybe met with anger, rejection, or shame — then that behavior becomes less likely. If it’s been ignored or brushed off, it might not feel worth doing.

Apologizing takes work. It's a high-effort response. It’s often harder than staying silent or walking away. If pride or fear are strong motivators, avoidance wins. But if the relationship matters, we’re more likely to repair. So the value of an apology changes depending on the situation.

We might even have some internal rules like ‘Apologizing makes me look weak’ or ‘It won’t change anything.' Those thoughts can block the behavior of apologizing.

Behavior Analysis recognizes that private events — our internal experiences — can shape our behavior. Apologizing often means contacting guilt, shame, and vulnerability. Those are hard feelings to face.

So what do we, as parents, do to change the next generation? We teach it. We model it. We reinforce it. We make it safe. And we remember: avoiding apologizing isn’t necessarily defiance — it’s often self-preservation.

If you know someone who is navigating repair with their kids, students, partners, even their parents, please share this with them.

And to you, I want to say, you’re doing brave work and I’m proud to be in it with you.

Check out SOAR ABA Therapy’s video.

11/17/2025

Strong opinions over on TikTok

885 likes, 676 comments. ““Parents should apologize to their kids when they’re wrong.””

11/15/2025

Parenting Neurodiverse Children

11/14/2025

Parenting Neurodiverse Children

11/13/2025

11/12/2025

New Blog Post: Gentle Parenting and Autism: Building Trust, Connection, and Joy

Parenting a child on the autism spectrum is a journey filled with unique insights, challenges, and moments of profound connection. For many families, gentle parenting offers a compassionate framework that aligns beautifully with the needs, strengths, and individuality of autistic children.

Read more on our blog: https://www.soarabatherapy.com/read-our-blog