11/18/2021
Managing Thanksgiving Expectations
Listening to the radio today, I remembered that I was a guest on a podcast a few years ago where I discussed holiday expectations. That memory started me thinking about the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. I realized that while most holidays have many traditions and activities associated with them, Thanksgiving is actually quite simple. It’s about Food and Family, Food and Friends, and Food and Friends That Have Become Family. So in effect, it’s really about food and relationships.
Covid-19 and divisive politics have strained many of our relationships and drained most of our resilience. While disagreements during Thanksgiving dinner conversations have been common over the years it seems that in recent years the division has become more extreme and even more pronounced. While I believe that respectful dialogue about what’s happening in our world today is important, I’m suggesting that this year we take a holiday from the divisive conversations – knowing that it’s only for one meal!
We begin by managing our own expectations:
1. Become curious and objective about what another person is saying.
• Wonder how life is going for them.
• Listen carefully to what they are saying and are choosing to say without needing to agree or disagree.
2. Recognize that agreement may not be possible.
• If possible, steer the conversation away from divisive topics that can quickly escalate and talk about safer subjects that you can better agree on.
• If the person insists on continuing with a divisive topic, let them know that for today you are taking a holiday from such topics and offer to arrange another time to discuss those topics you disagree on.
3. Remember to use your assumptions about others appropriately.
• Assumptions, when used correctly should not give us definitive information about others, but instead make us curious.
• Assumptions provide a great opportunity for us to question our own thoughts and beliefs, not to provide conclusions.
4. Be Kind
• Remember, this is one dinner, it’s time limited.
Don’t forget, we also need to manage others’ expectations:
1. Let people know what you are going to bring
2. Arrive when you say you were going to arrive
3. If you tell them that you don’t want divisive conversations, make sure that the topics you bring up aren’t divisive.
Some general tips:
• Watch how much you drink. Having good conversations takes full use of your faculties. Give yourself the best chance possible to have an enjoyable day.
• Before you attend Thanksgiving dinner, practice thinking about the hosts and other guests in a positive manner. What can you admire about them? What is likeable about them? What do you have in common?
Thanks for reading my thoughts and have an enjoyable Thanksgiving holiday.
DeeAnn Schmucker, LCSW, Coach, Author
Empowering the Patient Experience ...one patient at a time
