Kami Orange Boundary Coach

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Saint George, UT
Kami Orange Boundary Coach

Boundary Coach & Author of SAY THE THING
Fat, Queer, Autistic, Plant Parent🌵 Kami Orange, Boundary Coach. Fat, Queer, Autistic, Plant Parent.
(16)

02/12/2026

I got worms! 🪱 But why are the worms on the sidewalk? We put them in the dirt!

I’m feeling so grateful I married a man who isn’t squeamish at all. He just picked the compost worms up! Bare handed! No hesitation!?

There’s a relationship lesson in here: find the partner (or partners) who will scatter worms for you!

[Video Description] Kami is sitting on the cement in the backyard opening up a small cardboard box that has a cloth bag full of dirt and live composting worms in it. She shudders and then the camera switches to her husband who barehanded picks up the worms. Then the cement is shown with dead worms on it the next day.

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02/11/2026

Help me decide which boundary phrase flash cards I should make into a physical deck of cards?

Option 1 - General Boundary Phrases
An expanded version of the digital flash cards I currently offer, this is 101 boundary phrases to help you practice saying the thing.

Option 2 - Boundary Phrases For Kids
Created by and with parents, teachers, and child therapists, this is boundary phrases written for your school age children to learn and play with.

Option 3 - Disability Boundary Phrases
From strangers pushing your wheelchair, asking “what happened to you?”, talking to your partner instead of you, or any of the other weird things that happen when you’re existing with a disability in public, this deck is made in consultation with disability advocate and communications expert Imani Barbarin.

To be clear, I want to eventually produce all of these as physical card decks. But which one should I make FIRST?

There’s a lot of upfront costs in selling a physical product so I need your help with this market research. Thank you!

If you want more boundary help, I suggest my boundary phrase encyclopedia SAY THE THING: Boundary-Setting Scripts & Phrases to Communicate Directly & Speak Up With Kindness. Available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman wearing an orange tank top, maroon overalls, and orange Croc shoes. She is in her backyard using a board to compress the dirt along the fence. She puts the board down, steps on it, then moves it to the next spot as she prepares for her garden worms to arrive.

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02/10/2026

If you want something different, you’ve got to do something different.

Sometimes boundaries are about words to the person who is causing a problem (in this case, the sister-in-law) but sometimes boundaries are about strategy.

If you want to have one on one time with your brother, then you need to ask your brother for one on one time!

When you’re not the person in the situation, I’m sure that sounds really obvious. But it’s really common that we get sucked into patterns of behavior, especially in a complicated family, that we forget we have other options.

If you want more boundary help, I suggest my boundary phrase encyclopedia SAY THE THING: Boundary-Setting Scripts & Phrases to Communicate Directly & Speak Up With Kindness. Available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman wearing an orange tank top, over the ear headphones, and blue light blocking glasses. She is sitting against the headboard of her bed framed by a white wall.

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02/09/2026

I toured a Southern Utah “Parade of Gardens” home. How gorgeous are these desert flowers??

Here is an example of the Remind, Acknowledge, Express, Ask Script.

Remind them what happened.
Acknowledge you didn’t say anything then.
Express how you are feeling.
Ask for what you want.

This is chapter six in my boundary book SAY THE THING: Boundary-Setting Scripts & Phrases to Communicate Directly & Speak Up With Kindness. Available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman wearing orange overalls, a white sun hat, and orange Croc shoes. The video shows her reflection in the window, the winding stone path lined with desert flowers, and then her reflection in another window where she’s waving.

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02/06/2026

Here are my politics:

1- Prioritize disabled people.
2- Save the bees and trees.
3- Billionaires should not exist.
4- Return colonized land.
5- Follow marginalized people.

You are welcome to ask questions but I’m not going to debate or justify what I believe with you.

I am sharing this so you can make an informed decision about whether you want to support me and my work with your follows, views, and interactions.

🧡

1. Prioritize disabled people. First. Always. In everything. It literally will fix everything wrong with the world. See: cut curb effect. I will always vote for, donate to, and support whatever is best for disabled people as decided by disabled people for themselves.

2. Save the bees & trees. Whatever is best for the environment in the long-term, let’s do that. I want future generations to have old growth trees, clean oceans, cool animals, and breathable air. Save the pollinators! Lawn grass should be rare and limited to shared public spaces.

3. America is living in the “A Bug’s Life” movie with 1,135 grasshopper billionaires being served by 350 million ant people. I think when someone reaches $999,999,999 they should get a plaque that says “You Won” and every dollar afterwards goes to public services.

4. Return colonized land. Indigenous people should always be leading any decisions about what is happening to their land. A seat at every table, in every room, part of every conversation, a share of every tax.

5. Follow marginalized people. Historically marginalized people have the most relevant life experiences. I think a poor old fat disabled q***r Black trans woman has a better idea what our society needs than a rich young thin non-disabled straight white cis man.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman in brown and orange overalls sweeping her backyard cement patio with a push broom. She isn’t looking at the camera because she is focusing on the dirt.

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02/05/2026

What type of dog breed would you be? I’m a Rottweiler!

I think Rottweilers are amazing animals. They’re powerful, protective, and determined. Who wouldn’t want to be compared to a dog that will pursue its goals until accomplished?! That’s a good thing!

This was at the Cricut (the crafting machine, not the phone company) call center back in 2015ish. If you ever waited on hold for an hour back then to ask why the Design Space app was being weird, you might’ve talked to me!

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman with short sandy hair and wearing a pink tank top. She is sitting on a brown living room couch and speaking directly to the camera.

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02/04/2026

Stop saying you’re “bad at boundaries”.

Say you’re new, learning, or practicing boundaries! When you claim you’re bad at it, your brain stops trying.

It’s in the same camp as saying “I’m trying not to be a people pleaser” or “I’m a recovering perfectionist.”

If that works for you? Great. For me personally and with my boundary coaching clients, I define myself as what I want instead of what I’m not.

Instead of defining yourself as a “former people pleaser”, what if you’re “a well-boundaried person” or “calm and assertive” or even “poised”?

Instead of defining yourself as a “recovering perfectionist”, what if you’re “comfortable with change” or “well balanced” or “self-accepting”?

What we say about ourselves is powerful.

Choose to say you’re good at boundaries and it will help it become true!

For more support check out my book SAY THE THING: Boundary-Setting Scripts & Phrases to Communicate Directly & Speak Up With Kindness. Available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman wearing an orange tank top. She is sitting inside next a shelf of houseplants and speaking directly to the camera.

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02/03/2026

How to go back later and say the thing if you didn’t speak up in the moment?

Remind, Acknowledge, Express, Ask Script.

Remind them what happened.
Acknowledge you didn’t say anything then.
Express how you are feeling.
Ask for what you want.

This is chapter six in my boundary book SAY THE THING: Boundary-Setting Scripts & Phrases to Communicate Directly & Speak Up With Kindness. Available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback.

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman wearing brown and orange overalls, a white sun hat, and orange Croc shoes. She is stomping on plant vines on the ground in her backyard with increasing speeds to both remove the seeds and crush the vines smaller so they can be composted.

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12/31/2025

How to reply if your coworker is saying slurs.

(This is a REPOST of my most viral video in 2025 at 1.5 million views!)

The four responses:

⚡️Snappy Flavor: Oh no. No thank you.

🪨Solid Flavor: I am not the right person for you to share that with. Excuse me. (And walk away!)

☁️Subtle Flavor: I think I’m missing something because that has not been my experience?

☀️Sunny Flavor: Oh dear. I’m not sure what it is about me that makes you feel comfortable enough to say that? But I would like to know so I can make changes immediately!

[Video Description] Kami is a fat white woman in an orange dress outside in her backyard. She gets the hose and fills up the bird fountain that is made of an orange five gallon bucket. Featured prominently are her cactus plants in big blue pots surrounding the bird fountain.

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12/29/2025

Let’s talk about the Online Disinhibition Effect.

My last video about Dan saying to me, a fat person, that he doesn’t like fat people currently has over 600 comments.

Each time one of my videos gets shared beyond my bubble of people wanting to learn boundaries, there will be strangers making nasty comments about me, my body, my work, and more.

People will say things online that they would never say in person. Because of the Online Disinhibition Effect.

Coined by John Suler in 2004, it’s an explanation of the six factors causing people to act differently online. It’s worth reading the research article or Wikipedia page if, like me, you find this type of thing really interesting.

[Video Description] Kami is sitting on the couch with the camera close to her face. She is wearing an orange tank top and blue denim overalls.

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12/26/2025

Dan said he doesn’t like fat people.

I replied, “That is not okay you just said that!” and returned the awkward to sender.

(Returning awkward to sender is a concept I learned from Jennifer “Captain Awkward” Peepas on her blog captain awkward dot com.)

When we got in the car, I asked my partner what was the deal with Dan? Apparently Dan had previously expressed anti-fat thoughts but justified it in a “but not YOU because you can keep up with me!” way?

Gross.

I decided to not see Dan again. If my partner wanted to hang out with Dan, that’s their choice. Partner talked to Dan and found out further problematic information and ended the friendship. We never saw Dan again.

[Video Description] Kami is sitting in front of a row of shelves full of books and houseplants. She is wearing an orange tank top and denim overalls while talking directly to the camera.

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12/24/2025

Three replies if he is “joking” with you behind her back about how she looks.

I deeply dislike the way some partnered people make negative jokes about their partners - who they supposedly love - to other people?

My guess is this happens when there is underlying resentment in the relationship that they don’t have the awareness or skills to resolve. Instead they discharge some of the intensity by cracking “jokes”. It reminds me of grounding jumper cables because there is spark but it’s sent to the earth instead of the battery.

These phrases are for when it’s not the level of relationship for you to ask, “You’ve made several jokes tonight about your wife and you sound frustrated with her. Do you want to talk about it?”

Because then he will probably say (in my experience of doing this), “Nah. I’m just joking around.”

Then say, “If you’re trying to make jokes, I don’t think they’re landing? I don’t think how your wife looks is funny unless she’s in on the joke.”

[Video Description] Kami is sitting in front of a row of shelves full of books and houseplants. She is wearing an orange shirt and denim overalls while talking directly to the camera.

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Address

929 West Sunset Boulevard
Saint George, UT
84770

Website

https://kamiorange.com/

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