Maria Toso, The Heal What Hurts Process

02/19/2026

02/16/2026

I received a spiritual key when I was 19. Only, as it goes with most spiritual practices, it took me decades to unlock its true healing power.
In 1988, I lost my dad very suddenly. His death threw me into deep grief and, at the same time, into a profound awareness of the other side.
I began dreaming of him. Not vague dreams. Clear ones. He would speak to me and impress upon me, again and again, that he was not actually gone. He was right there. Just beyond what I had been taught to perceive. I had been totally misled by the whole “he is gone” narrative.
I told my mom. She sent me to a therapist who said it was a case of grief, wishing he were still alive. And yes, that was true.
But there was more.
His presence in those dreams cut through doubt. They did not feel like a mishmash of wishes and fears. They felt instructional.
Around that same time, what felt random then but not at all now, I was invited to a Tibetan Buddhist meditation center. The first meditation evening became the beginning of a deeply integrated practice that reconnected me with something I had known as a child: the ability to sense beyond the 3-D world.
As a kid, I used that ability to find hidden sweet treats in the cellar or pull homework answers seemingly out of thin air. As a young adult, that same sensitivity became a subtle current of meaning and purpose, a feeling of being guided.
The initial Karmapa Meditation I learned gave me more peace. But peace was not the deepest gift.
The real work began when I entered the initiatory school of the Kagyu lineage.
The first practice was prostrations, a hundred thousand of them to be exact, fully down on the floor, nose to the ground, arms stretched out in front of an image of the Tree of Refuge. Over and over, reciting a mantra of devotion, humbling the ego, taking the Bodhisattva vow. Something like: I surrender ego-pride. I align with awakened wisdom. I dedicate my life to liberation, not just mine, but everyone’s.
Not fully understanding the implications, I took a Bodhisattva vow; awakening not just for myself but for all beings. Promising to return again and again until suffering is liberated. My teacher taught me to count on a small mala. In my case, my hands were wrapped in wool socks so they would slide across the floor more easily.
Then came the second practice: Dorje Sempa or Vajrasattva meditation. This is where I received what I think of as my first key to true healing. I was taught to visualize a radiant white Buddha, Dordje Sempa (pictured) above my head, seated in a lotus, one toe extending slightly over the petal. As I recited the 100-syllable mantra, luminous nectar would flow from that toe, and a stream of light poured into the crown of my head and washed over and through my entire body.
Slowly, it worked on me to clear the pollutions of the mind as they exist in the body. This shifted something fundamental in me.
I moved from the Western idea that the mind lives in the brain, in thoughts, to the understanding that our thoughts, feelings, and actions live in the body as energy.
Energy that is either luminous, tingly, open and expansive or dense, contracted, and painful.
Good deeds open us. Harmful actions contract us. Unprocessed fear leaves knots. Moments when we shut down and never fully reopen leave imprints. Over time, that practice evolved.
What began back then as calling upon a radiant deity above me gradually transformed into something more intimate. The light was no longer only descending from above.
I began to feel it within. In my heart.
The Dorje Sempa practice trained my nervous system to understand something essential: contractions in the body are the embodiment of negative patterns, painful stories that can be met with light, or as I would say it now, with loving presence. They do not have to be fought, analyzed, or expelled. They can be softened and ultimately released.
Slowly, that luminous nectar moved from visualization to lived experience and today, my practice is less formal and prescriptive. Less ceremonial if you will. More embodied and immediate. While I maintain a spot in my house for meditation, it’s really with me all the time, everywhere, like a best friend that never leaves. At 55, I am infinitely more with myself, more inside my tender body than I was at 19.
Now, all it takes is a small flutter of contraction in my chest or belly, and I am right there: I’ve got you, babe. I am here. I love you. I feel it immediately. I meet it. I am here. You are not alone. That helps me relax what reacted inside.
I surround it with light. Loving presence. True friendship.
Sometimes when it's particularly uncomfortable in my body, I pray: Dear God, Purusha, Divine Loving Light, Christ, Loving Mary, hold me as I hold this dense, contracted energy. It is so uncomfortable. Please be with me. I am with you. I feel it. I relax. I am not alone with this.
The light feels internal now. Not distant. Not above. Not out there. Inside.
And not just inside me. Inside you. Inside everyone. You can see it in the eyes, sometimes luminous, sometimes a little dim. But it’s there. If you smile at someone, the light tends to show itself in the eyes.
Perhaps this is where my Buddhist path meets the esoteric Christian understanding of the Kingdom within. Or the yogic understanding of Purusha, the indwelling Divine presence. The light embodied. All the lineages and religions made of love meet in the heart.

02/14/2026

02/07/2026

02/07/2026

HYGGE is a real thing in Denmark, where I grew up. You do it all year round, but it becomes particularly essential during the cold, dark winter months. It heals and soothes us when we feel contracted against the cold and ice. It helps us relax, relate, and restore our nervous system.

Hygge has clearly also become a thing of sorts in the United States, and as always happens when cultural concepts are adopted into another culture, they adapt and morph and may lose a bit of their soul.

I love my American friends and family and I would love for you to receive more fully the healing gift of hygge which is truly the antidote to a hurried life, devoid of presence and connection. For example, I recently saw an ad for a face cream described as a “hygge cream.” That is simply not a thing but it did inspire to offer my attempt at translating hygge for my American friends.

Maybe there is something here that is useful, especially during this time.

Hygge is used as both an adjective and a verb. An event or a place can be hyggeligt, and people can hygge together. Hygge describes a special, warm, kind quality of coziness, presence, and comfortable conviviality that gives everyone present a feeling of belonging and safety.

Hygge is an attitude of realness and presence, genuine caring and empathy, and a concern for the welfare of all, with just a little less emphasis on the promotion of self. The ultimate expression of this is, of course, our political system, which does not allow people to go hungry or without medical care and education. In daily life, however, hygge is expressed as a felt quality; an energy that permeates the tribe, the cities, and the countryside, as if life is created first and foremost for people, not for economic growth and gain. I will try to create some Hygge tips:

Tip #1: Be present, relaxed, and real.

What do I mean by that? It’s a gaze. Not a flirty gaze or a stare. It’s how you look at someone when you mean it; when you matter to me. I want to know you. I am interested in who you are and what you think.

I am not going to talk over you with my own story or quietly plan what I am going to say when you stop talking. I am going to give you my full and complete presence, which is the greatest gift we have to give each other. I am here. I am right here, listening to you and feeling you. I am not worried about my phone, my work, or anything else, only the people I am hygge’ing with, right here, right now.

Tip #2: Create spaces dedicated to hygge’ing.

Lighting matters. Low light, not harsh overhead lighting. Candles, must have candles. Splurge on beeswax or economize with IKEA’s white tapers. Do not get scented candles; that will destroy the hygge vibe instantly.

Plants matter too. Love your plants so they put good energy into your hygge nooks. In spring, get fresh flowers, lilacs. Start by making your kitchen or eating area the coziest place in the house. Everyone should be able to sit. No bad chairs. No TV or radio blaring. Just conversation and food cooking slowly.

Help chop something. Let it sizzle. Let the scent fill the room. Ask questions like you genuinely want to know another person, whether it’s a family member, an old friend, or someone new as if we are the most interesting, miraculous thing to each other right here.

Tip #3: Take long walks outside.

Dress for the weather and go out anyway. Breathe fresh air, the sea, the woods, lakes, mountains, whatever nature is near you. Find it and take it in. Let many miles of walking tire you out, and then comes the reward: indoor hygge.

Candles. Warm tea. Freshly baked buns or bread. Good butter, from pasture-fed cows. Did you know that in Denmark, all cows must be on pasture during the summer? Even non-organic milk comes from pasture-fed cows. Isn’t that hyggeligt? It’s a small example of how compassion values quietly shape everyday life.

But I digress. We have returned from our long walk. Now it’s time to rest your tired body in front of the fire, if you have one, or candles. Many candles, preferably. Something nourishing to eat, homemade, baked, cooked, made with love and patience, and ready for you, the guest, because I am so happy you are here. I want to know you, and I want you to know me. How are you? What is going on, and how does that make you feel?

Tip #4: Have dinner together.

Set the table nicely. Use real glasses, never plastic or paper. If you want to save money, get glasses at a second-hand store, but don’t buy plastic. No matter how many guests you have, use real glasses and wash them slowly together afterward while you chat and stay present with each other.

Set the table with nice plates, silverware, and flowers. Make it pretty, maybe pine cones from your walk or funny-shaped rocks the kids collected at the beach and brought home in pockets full of sand. Put thought into who sits where. Why are these people at your house? Who might each person enjoy sitting next to? Direct the seating like it matters, because it does.

Tell people what you cooked and why. Or maybe it’s a potluck, that can be hyggeligt too. Love and care went into the food. Eat slowly and allow the conversation to be just as nourishing as the meal itself. If you are the host, make sure everyone is heard. If you are a guest, be curious. Who is this person my host sat me next to? Can getting to know them be more important than my impressing them?

Tip #5: Take your time.

Actually, forget time. Be in the moment. No one is in a hurry. This is the meal. This is us being together.

We laugh, talk, and sometimes debate, even politics. It’s okay if we don’t agree. It’s just politics. It’s not the end of the world. Ideally, it’s less polarizing and more like elegant fencing, who can recall more historical, cultural, or economic facts? (Okay, now the hygge is leaving the room.) Don’t get too intense. Return to the soft side of life. Remember that connecting is better than polarizing.

How are you? What’s really going on?

Relax and laugh. You are not here to entertain; you are here to be together. When we feel safe with each other, we relax deeply. We digest our food better. We become less self-conscious. We may even forget our own neurosis for a while because we are immersed in togetherness and a felt sense of emotional and physical safety.

That is but a few examples of hygge. How do you create Hygge in your life?

02/05/2026

Lessons from Denmark on warmth, presence, and human connection

02/01/2026

01/31/2026

01/31/2026

What stops us from doing the next big thing we dream of?

It is fear or more precisely: energy contracting in the body, right?

The moment you envision that dream in your mind, when you picture the next thing you dream of manifesting, shifting, evolving, creating, there it is somewhere in the body. The solar plexus is typical. A contraction that makes you feel small and inadequate to the task.

And the truth is, in that moment, you probably are a bit too contracted in your energybody to contain the level of presence needed for that next version of you.

But here is the deeper truth;

You are here to release that dense, contracted feeling of smallness and allow yourself to expand and become a bigger cup; one with much more room for more of your own luminous brilliance, much more of your own loving presence, more LIGHT.

So much in the world especially lately causes us to contract. And yet it is in relaxing and allowing the expansion of our inner space that we increase our comfort level with more light pouring into us; and flowing from us.

My next Heal What Hurts book and this 12-week course that accompanies it, is all about the greater expansion of the vessel of the energy field of the body. It is about being real about where energy is blocked, stagnated, or contracted in a way that prevents life force from flowing freely.

When we learn the energetic techniques, step by step, to open those contracted places; in every area of our lives; the creative energy of the universe begins to pour in. We become unstoppable, like an instrument that has been repaired and restored and can finally be played beautifully.

Join me for this profound 12-week journey of clearing inner space to make room for much more in your life.

Check it out, and text me if you want to talk and see if this is the right fit for you at this moment, especially now, when so much is pushing us to contract even more.

Now is the time to embody as much of our light as we possible can and flood out both inner and outer darkness and constriction.

Heal What Hurts: The Empowered Vision Journey A 12-week transformational coaching container Live on Zoom | Thursdays 7:00–8:30 PM CT February 19 – May 7, 2026 Investment: $600 paid in full or 3-month payment plan Group size: Limited to 8 participants Includes: 30% off private coaching wh