04/24/2026
𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗡𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗖𝗿𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗕𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀
We met in 5th grade, and years later I called her my best friend. We lost touch for a while, but reconnected in our early 20s, picking up where we left off.
One weekend, she came over for some “me time” because she was having marital issues. She wanted to get high, so I reached out to my ex-husband to make it happen. That alone says a lot about where I was in life. I was young and not really questioning the situations I was putting myself in.
That night, I took care of them until I tried to get some sleep before work. I couldn’t sleep because the music was so loud. Then I heard her ask him, “Do you want me?” She asked more than once. Eventually, he said yes, and she laughed.
I remember feeling uncomfortable and confused. I didn’t have feelings for him, but something about it didn’t sit right. I told him later that I heard it, and he told her. She reached out and said she would never actually do anything with him and just wanted to be wanted. I accepted that and moved on. I told myself 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴. Flirtatious and attention seeking.
The next time she came over, I was seeing someone I genuinely had feelings for, and he stopped by. It didn’t take long before she started throwing herself at him. He didn’t stop it. I felt upset, but I didn’t know how to express it or what to do. They both knew something was wrong. He tried to smooth things over with me, while her actions were dismissive and condescending.
After that, the friendship ended.
It took me a long time to understand what really happened. What I had brushed off as “𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴” was actually a consistent disregard for boundaries. Not just mine, but other people’s too. Her need for validation came at the expense of the people closest to her.
I also had to take accountability for my part. I minimized things, ignored red flags, and stayed quiet when I should have spoken up. I just didn’t know how to recognize it or walk away sooner. Part of that came from not wanting to face the truth that my feelings didn’t matter to them. The fear of losing access to me seemed to matter more to them than how their actions affected me.
Learning to let go of those who aren’t good for you can be hard, but it can also bring peace, and show others how you expect to be treated.
I’m not sure why I was reminded of this experience from almost 2 decades ago this morning, but I share it in hopes of reminding us all that boundaries are not unkind, they are necessary, and they teach us how to protect our peace.