Doherty Relationship Institute

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Doherty Relationship Institute

Bill is an internationally recognized professor, researcher, writer, speaker, consultant, and democracy builder. www.dohertyrelationshipinstitute.com

Bill Doherty, Ph.D., and Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, MS, LAMFT run this multi-pronged organization whose mission is to broaden the cultural conversations around marriage, therapy, divorce reform, and other mental and medical health topics.

01/14/2026

When couples are on the brink, clarity matters more than quick solutions.

Discernment Counseling helps couples slow down, understand what has happened to their relationship, and move forward with clarity and confidence, whether that path leads to renewed commitment or to separation.

This approach was created specifically for couples where one partner is leaning out and the other is leaning in, a situation many therapists face but few are trained to navigate well.

Discernment Counseling is not about fixing the marriage.

It is about helping couples decide the direction of it.

01/07/2026

In the emerging research on divorce ambivalence, one large survey found that:
👉 25% of married people have seriously thought about divorce in the past six months.
👉 Most haven’t told their spouse.

When that uncertainty does surface, couples often land in a therapist’s office - confused, scared, and misaligned.

They aren’t ready for couples therapy.

And they aren’t ready for divorce.

Discernment Counseling was designed for this exact moment - when one spouse has voiced serious doubts but isn’t fully confident about ending the marriage.

Not therapy.

Not advice.

A structured decision-making process.

Learn more about Discernment Counseling at www.discernmentcounseling.com

12/30/2025

There’s a moment every couples therapist recognizes:
You’re sitting across from a couple, and one spouse is ready to roll up their sleeves and do the work… while the other is already halfway out the emotional door.

And suddenly, you’re no longer doing therapy.
You’re trying to manage panic, fear, ambivalence, and heartbreak. All at once.

Discernment Counseling was created for that exact moment.
No therapist should be left guessing what to do when the goals aren’t shared.

Instead of pushing them into couples therapy they aren’t ready for,
we help them slow down, get clarity, and decide from a place of understanding.

Not crisis.

Our mission is simple:
👉 Support the couple.
👉 Support the therapist.
👉 Honor both sides of the decision.

Because therapists deserve a framework.
And couples deserve clarity, not pressure.

Want to feel confident with mixed-agenda couples?

Learn more about Discernment Counseling:
www.discernmentcounseling.com/

12/23/2025

When a couple comes in and one spouse says,
“I don’t know if I want to stay married,”

What do you focus on first?
1️⃣ History of the relationship
2️⃣ Goals for couples therapy
3️⃣ Individual clarity about their decision
⬇️ Drop your answer in the comments.

There’s so much collective wisdom here. Let’s learn from each other.

Want to feel more confident in these cases? Check out Discernment Counseling training.

www.discernmentcounseling.com/

12/17/2025

Did you know that up to 30% of couples seeking help have one partner who is seriously considering divorce but isn’t fully sure they want to end the marriage?

They aren’t ready for couples therapy
…and they aren’t ready to divorce.
They're looking for clarity.

Discernment Counseling gives them that clarity, with a short-term, structured process that honors both partners’ goals.

Not therapy.
Not advice.
A decision process.
Learn more about Discernment Counseling at https://discernmentcounseling.com/

12/10/2025

Ever felt like you want the marriage to work more than the couple does?

That’s usually a sign of a mixed-agenda couple:
• One wants to stay
• One is unsure or leaning toward divorce
• The therapist becomes the “holder of hope”

Without clarity, couples therapy turns into chasing progress instead of creating it.

Discernment Counseling shifts the responsibility back to the spouses:
✨ clarity
✨ ownership
✨ direction

You can stop trying to drag the ambivalent partner into the process —
and instead guide them toward a decision.

Learn how Discernment Counseling supports the therapist, not just the couple.

12/04/2025

Sometimes therapists encourage the hesitant spouse to “just try couples therapy.”

But here’s the problem:
Couples therapy only works when both partners are willing to look at themselves and try to change.

When one person is leaning out, pushing for couples therapy creates resistance — not results.

Discernment Counseling slows things down, helps both partners reflect, and gives them clarity on the direction of the marriage.

Before we ask couples to work on the relationship, we help them understand it.

See how Discernment Counseling supports mixed-agenda couples:
www.discernmentcounseling.com

12/02/2025

Couples therapy is rewarding, but it’s also heartbreaking when a couple is on the brink.

Bill Doherty created Discernment Counseling to give therapists a map when one spouse leans out of the marriage and not motivated for couples therapy.

Our mission: make sure no therapist has to “wing it” in these painful situations.

Because clarity is the first step.

11/19/2025

Are you seeing couples on the brink of divorce?

You can offer your clients a powerful tool for navigating difficult decisions about the direction of their marriage. Discernment Counseling is perfect for couples where one partner is leaning into the marriage and the other is leaning out, but no final decision on divorce has been made. This short-term protocol provides clarity and direction, helping couples make informed decisions.

11/12/2025

Most therapists instinctively lean toward the motivated spouse OR try to help that person see the marriage is over.

Either way, there is research showing a large group of leaning out spouses does seek clarity and confidence based on a deeper understanding of what happened to their marriage. It isn’t doing the couples therapy but exploring their paths right now: do nothing, divorce, or work on the marriage.

Discernment Counseling offers a clear path for these couples and clinicians.

11/05/2025

Some couples therapy cases need to transition to Discernment Counseling.

In Discernment Counseling, we teach how to slow things down:
✅ Find out what that really means (individually, so the person can be really honest.)
✅ Explore each partner’s contributions (love is created over thousands of micro moments.)
✅ Clarify what’s possible — what each could sign up for if they chose to work on the marriage.

These conversations are hard, but they can change everything.

10/29/2025

We’re here to:

✨ Reduce unnecessary divorces (and research shows 10% of late state divorces involve two people who WOULD be open to reconciliation!)
✨ Help therapists feel confident and offer the right service for the toughest couples.
✨ Give leaning-out, doubt-filled spouses, a safe space to explore what has happened (while offering leaning-in spouses the best chance at saving their marriage.)

Every therapist who learns Discernment Counseling is part of that mission.

Address

Saint Paul, MN
55113

Website

http://dohertyrelationshipinstitute.com/

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