My Family Counseling

11/20/2025

🔥 WANT vs. NEED in Relationships

One leads to love.
The other leads to captivity.

1. NEEDING a Relationship (The Captive Mindset)

Needing a relationship isn’t love—it’s dependency dressed up like devotion.

When someone needs a relationship, they’re really saying:
• “I’m not enough without you.”
• “I can’t handle life alone.”
• “You’re the source of my worth.”
• “Don’t leave, or I’ll fall apart.”

That’s not connection. That’s survival mode.

NEED is rooted in:
• Fear of abandonment
• Fear of being alone with your own thoughts
• Fear of rejection
• Fear that you don’t have value unless someone validates you

When someone needs a relationship, they stop showing up AS themselves and start showing up FOR approval.
They lose their identity just to keep the peace.
They twist into whatever shape the other person wants.
And they call it “love,” but it’s really anxiety.

Needing someone traps you.

Honestly, it’s like duct-taping your soul to a sinking boat and calling it commitment.

⸻

2. WANTING a Relationship (The Free, Healthy Mindset)

Wanting someone is completely different.
Wanting comes from wholeness, not emptiness.

It sounds more like:
• “I choose you, not because I’m empty, but because life is better with you.”
• “I’m good alone, but I’d rather build something with you.”
• “My identity is intact—this relationship is addition, not survival.”

Wanting is rooted in:
• Security
• Identity
• Freedom
• Responsibility
• Real connection—not emotional codependency

When you want someone, you’re choosing from strength.
You’re not begging.
You’re not bargaining.
You’re not worshipping their approval like it’s oxygen.

You’re whole. They’re whole.
And the relationship becomes two complete people choosing each other—not two broken people clinging to each other.

This is where grown-up love lives.
This is the difference between building a life and escaping your loneliness.

⸻

💡 Here’s the gut-punch truth:

Need makes demands.
Want makes choices.

Need creates pressure.
Want creates partnership.

Need drains.
Want gives.

⸻

⚠️ Why this matters in REAL life

When you need someone, you tolerate things that violate your values.
You compromise your integrity.
You let things slide that you shouldn’t.
You lose your voice because the cost of speaking is “what if they leave?”

But when you want someone, you can speak truth.
You can set boundaries.
You can take responsibility for your actions without taking responsibility for theirs.
You can love freely without fear controlling the narrative.

That’s the kind of relationship that actually lasts.

⸻

🔥 Bottom Line

Needing someone comes from your wounds.
Wanting someone comes from your strength.

Need is fear.
Want is freedom.

And healthy relationships don’t grow in captivity—they grow in choice.

11/19/2025

Ever think about how 1° off doesn’t feel like much?
Take a few steps… you barely notice it.
But walk long enough, and that tiny deviation becomes miles from where you were meant to be.
Scripture works the same way.
You’re not destroyed by one big lie.
You drift because of one small misunderstanding,
one verse twisted,
one truth softened,
one compromise you told yourself was “no big deal.”
And before you know it…
you’re living in a faith you think is biblical,
but it’s actually built on 1° of error.
Truth matters. Accuracy matters. Interpretation matters.
A small drift today becomes a totally different destination tomorrow.
Stay aligned.
Stay grounded.
Stay anchored in the Word—not your assumptions.
Because 1° off in your theology eventually becomes 180° from God’s design.

10/18/2025

“Everyone says they want change—until they find out what change demands.”
Change doesn’t cost money. It costs comfort.
It costs your excuses, your blame, your victimhood, your need to be right, and the illusion that you can stay the same person and still get different results.
Most people aren’t stuck because they can’t change.
They’re stuck because they won’t let go of who they are.
Ignorance feels blissful because it doesn’t ask anything of you.
Awareness demands everything.
Ignorance builds comfort. Truth builds character.
One feels good; the other does good.

04/12/2025

📢 Listening Isn't the Same as Hearing

There are two ways people listen:

👉 Listening to RESPOND
👉 Listening to UNDERSTAND

One is about winning.
The other is about connecting.

If you're crafting your reply while the other person is still talking, you're not listening—you're loading your weapon.

But when you listen to understand... you create space. You build trust. You actually see the person in front of you.

Your words don't build connection. Your ears do.

Let’s be the kind of people who listen to understand.

04/09/2025

🧠💧 Your Words Are Doing More Than You Think

Japanese researcher Dr. Masaru Emoto discovered something wild:

He took water, exposed it to words like “love” and “gratitude,” froze it, and photographed the crystals. The result? Stunning, symmetrical, snowflake-like structures.

Then he exposed water to words like “hate” and “you fool.” The result? Deformed, chaotic messes.

Guess what? You’re 70% water.
Your words don’t just affect others—they reshape you.
Biologically. Emotionally. Spiritually.

And honestly? Emoto was just proving what the Bible has said for thousands of years:

“The power of life and death is in the tongue.” – Proverbs 18:21
“Let there be light...” – Genesis 1:3
“Faith comes by hearing...” – Romans 10:17
God spoke, and reality responded.
You speak, and so does yours.

Every time you say “I can’t,” you deform something inside you.
Every time you say “I’m not enough,” you corrupt your reflection.
But when you say, “I am chosen. I am strong. I am forgiven. I am not done,”
you speak life into your bones and order into your chaos.

Want a better mindset?
Check your mouth.
Your words are either poison or power—and you’re drinking whatever you’re serving.

04/03/2025

“You Can’t Make Anyone Feel Anything — And That’s Not Cold, It’s Clarity.”

Let’s set the record straight:

You are not responsible for other people’s feelings.

Sound harsh? It’s not. It’s truth—and it’s freedom.

🧠 Psychology Says:

Your actions don’t cause someone’s feelings.
Their interpretation does.

That’s Cognitive Behavioral Therapy 101:

Event ➝ Thought ➝ Emotion.
Two people can hear the same words and feel completely different things—because feelings come from inside them, not from you.

You can influence, but you can’t control.
That’s called emotional responsibility—and without it, relationships become toxic messes of blame, guilt, and manipulation.

📖 The Bible Says:

Galatians 6:5 — “Each of us is responsible for our own conduct.”

That includes emotional conduct.

Your triggers? Your job.
My delivery? My job.

Even Jesus—the perfect man—offended people. Not because He was wrong, but because they didn’t like the truth.

⚠️ An offense is something that happens to you.
Being offended is a choice.
⚡ Real Talk:

If you live your life walking on eggshells so no one ever feels sad, mad, or offended—you’re not being kind.
You’re being controlled.

You’re not here to manage people’s feelings.
You’re here to walk in truth and love.

And yeah—some people will say “that’s hard.”

Here’s the thing:

🔥 Hard is relative.
What’s hard for one person is healing for another.
Growth is uncomfortable.
So is staying stuck. You just get to choose your version of “hard.”
👊 Bottom Line:

You’re not a villain for having boundaries.
You’re not responsible for their emotional baggage.
You’re responsible for your words, your tone, your integrity.
Not their reaction.

Let them feel what they need to feel.
You just stay rooted in truth and grace.

03/06/2025

BE-DO-HAVE: The Secret to Getting What You Want in Life

Most people have it all backward. They think:

"Once I HAVE more money, confidence, success (fill in the blank), then I’ll DO the things that successful people do, and I’ll finally BE happy, fit, fulfilled, etc."

Sound familiar? It’s a trap. A cycle that keeps people stuck, waiting for external circumstances to change before they take action. But in reality, it works the other way around.

The right sequence is BE → DO → HAVE.

How Your Mind Shapes Your Reality

Everything starts with your thoughts. Your thoughts shape your beliefs, your beliefs dictate your actions, and your actions determine your results.

If you believe you can’t do something, you won’t take action—or you’ll do it half-heartedly. If you believe you can, you’ll act accordingly, and your results will prove it.

BE: It Starts With Who You Are

Your identity dictates your reality. If you want a different outcome, you must BE the person who would naturally create that outcome.

Want to be fit? Start thinking and acting like a fit person NOW, before you ever lose a pound.
Want to be a leader? Show up like one today, before you get the title.
Want financial success? Think and behave like someone who makes and manages money well.

This is what psychologist Alfred Adler called "acting as if." You adopt the mindset and behaviors of the future version of yourself before the results show up.

DO: Align Your Actions With Who You Want to BE

Once you commit to being that person, your actions naturally follow.

A fit and healthy person exercises consistently and eats well. A successful business owner invests in learning and takes bold action. A confident speaker practices, shows up, and delivers.

When your actions align with who you are being, you create momentum.

HAVE: Reaping the Rewards

The results (HAVING) come as a byproduct of who you are BEING and what you are DOING.

It’s not magic—it’s psychology. You’re conditioning yourself for success by shifting your identity first, which leads to aligned actions, which produce the results you want.

Children Already Get This

Think about kids playing pretend. When they decide to be a firefighter, doctor, or astronaut, they don’t sit around and wait for someone to give them the title first. They BE the role immediately—talking, moving, and thinking like that person.

As adults, we stop "making believe" and instead wait for life to hand us permission. But what if we reclaimed that childlike approach?

Your Life Right Now Is a Reflection of Who You’ve Been Being

This might sting a little, but here’s the truth: what you HAVE in life right now is a direct result of who you have been BEING and what you’ve been DOING.

If you don’t like what you have, change who you are being and take different actions.

Your Challenge: Act As If—Today

Think about an area of your life you want to change.

Define who you need to BE. What mindset, habits, and beliefs does this version of you have?
Start DOING what that person would do. No waiting. No excuses.
Watch what you HAVE change.
This shift is powerful. When you start living as if you already are the person you want to become, everything changes.

So, what are you waiting for? BE that person today. The rest will follow.

09/27/2024

People don't abandon the people they love, people abandon people they were using.

Read that again

09/19/2024

If you haven't signed up for this yet, get your team together and sign up. It will be a great time and helps an organization near and dear to me.

Thanks for thinking about this.

09/09/2024

Saw this on the Daily Stoic page...

Look, some people are going to love you. Some people are going to hate you. Some people are going to ignore you. Some people are going to wish that you were dead. Some people will cycle through all these feelings about you, maybe even on the same day.
That’s just a reality of life.
Marcus Aurelius knew this. He knew that no matter how good a job he did as emperor, there’s no way he was going to please everybody. That’s the nature of leadership. It’s also the nature of being a human being. You’re going to make mistakes. Your style, your point of view won’t be for everyone.
Can you accept this? Can you come to terms with it? Or are you going to let it drive you crazy?
The reason we have to practice, have to have an internal code, a sense of principles, is that this is far more consistent than other people. Virtue doesn’t change. It doesn’t take things personally. It doesn’t have biases. Listen to it. Not to the crowd. Not the people who change their opinion on a dime.
Don’t worry about pleasing them. Hold true to what is true, and in the end, it will matter far more than what others think of you

09/06/2024

What is a Challenge Coin?
Challenge coins are small, medallion-like tokens, often adorned with the emblem or insignia of the presenting organization, or in this case, a person. Challenge coins serve as a symbol of membership, belonging, and camaraderie, forging a strong bond among those who possess them. Additionally, they are used to acknowledge an individual's achievements, dedication, or exemplary service, and serve as a tangible reminder of the appreciation and respect of their peers and superiors.

Receiving a challenge coin is a great honor, as it signifies that the recipient has played a special role, making a significant impact on their peers and the organization as a whole.

Today I received my very first challenge coin from "ONE TOUGH BIRD" or as I know her, Buff Burkel. Buff is the example of what it means to be tough, proud, resilient. To be recognized by her as someone worthy of this coin means the world to me. It's also extra special because she made sure to give me one with MY number 22 on it as well.

Buff, you are an inspiration to me. I am so thankful for your friendship.

08/21/2024

So, this is a cool little thing I'm up to...

Take 2 Minutes is a mental health web app designed to support individuals in their personal development, offering daily positive SMS messages and 10+ exercises grounded in positive psychology research. It provides tools and resources to help you enhance your overall well-being, build resilience, and...