Relative Change Counseling

10/07/2025

As of September 1st 2025 Relative Change Counseling has closed its counseling and therapy services. Medical records can be requested by using previous email address. For local referrals it is recommended that you use Psychology Today and screen for your preferences. Thank you for all of the support throughout the last 15 years. With light and blessings , Delene Cole, LMFT.

12/06/2023

This is the season of light. Our shared universal experience as humans is that light increases the ability to see. We have the shared universal experience of valuing light when we have been in darkness. We inherently want to see and turn toward the light as a Source of Life.
In the natural world, the sun is the greatest and most evident source of light, and I suspect that as the days get shorter in December and we approach the point where the earth is furthest from the sun, we tend to value more what we are aware of losing. Light and warmth (at least in this hemisphere).
So with hope and faith that the Sun will return, we wait, even as we know we must go through the season of lessening daylight and the hours of darkness increasing.
When we close our eyes there is another kind of light. Sometimes it is just a flicker in our periphery of awareness or a spark of something that we know is not darkness. It can be a glow of presence sensed between our eyebrows in the midpoint of our heads. This is an experience often found in contemplation, prayer, or meditation. It feels peaceful and yet if we chase it, it can become fleeting. There have been revered teachers and prophets throughout time who shared the knowledge of this internal light and our connection to it. So with our eyes closed, again we wait, with welcome intent and reverence.
What I know is that this internal light also increases our ability to see a truth that we cannot see with our eyes. This truth brings Life and Love and Unity and Timelessness into a singular knowing, which is whole and complete and can be sourced within each of us. What we name it, the rituals we sanctify to share this experience, and what teachers and stories we pass on and share in different cultures will not be universally the same. That neither discounts nor elevates one experience over another, because it is the Light that is the universal experience. Whether we wait for the Son, or the Sun, whether we light eight candles in a branch, four in a circle, 3 upon a log, 1 set upon an alter, we build a fire on the ground or in a bowl, greet the first light of dawn with praise, or celebrate a teacher or prophet who embodied and taught the light of divine knowledge. All of these are facets to reflect the experience of devotion, love, and hope, and connect us to the truth that we are all rays of the Light turning toward each other and, in doing so, turning toward the Source of Life by whatever name we call it. In a world where it is easy to focus our gaze on what is distorted by darkness, closing our eyes and inviting the message of light to enter is a gift to ourselves and each other.
My deepest wish for you is that this season brings peace, comfort, joy, love, hope, connection, and light.

11/01/2023

My clients have heard me identify how pasts of ourselves hold personality distinctions and can seem to take over our emotions and behaviors. The complexity of our internal system is fascinating and it is why I was drawn to train in IFS many years ago. Dr Tori Olds has done multiple youtube videos on IFS so that we can all begin to understand more about using IFS to understand regulate and become more Self led while being gentle and compassionate with our parts.

Welcome to Part 1 in my series: What is IFS? Internal Family Systems Therapy, Explained. In this video, I provide an introduction to IFS Therapy. I explain s...

02/22/2022

Appreciating this talk about science-based lifestyle changes for treating depression.

Stephen Ilardi, associate professor of psychology at the University of Kansas, delivers an engaging, interactive presentation about depression -- something t...

01/17/2022

I've had conversations about relationships where boundaries are too rigid, and where boundaries are too flexible and how either of those can prevent growth and adaptation for the individuals and the relationships. This is a quick listen to how this behavioral scientist has approached the same topic.

When's the best time to start a new habit? And what makes some stick while others fall by the wayside? Behavioral scientist Katy Milkman's new book, How to Change, breaks down the research about how to leverage human nature instead of working against it to achieve your goals.

12/08/2021

this woman is atrong and wise and brave

Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston.Brown has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy. She...

11/24/2021

11/01/2021

Our parts interact differently with time based on how they work to protect us.
⏰Parts that are stuck in the past may fear that if they forget or move on from what happened you’ll be harmed again. Or they may not realize that you aren’t still a child, and need an update. If these parts were animals, they might be sloths, very slowly moving through life, not making much progress.
⏰Parts that worry about the future may believe that they can prevent you from re-experiencing the pain from your past. They are in always in Pain Prevention Mode™. If these parts were represented by an animal, it might be a squirrel, frantically storing up food for the next winter.
⏰Parts that are trapped in the present focus only on what is happening in the present moment. This not to be confused with mindful presence. Instead, they may choose to ignore or deny what has happened in the past, and ignore that there is a future waiting for you. If there were an animal image for these parts, it might be an ostrich with its head stuck in the sand.
So what do these parts need?
🚫 No Shame
🚫 No Judgment
🚫 Impatience
🚫 Assumptions
Remember, these parts have such good intentions. What they need most is compassionate curiosity, and full acceptance from Self. When we’re able to extend that Self energy to them, they’ll be able to join us fully in the present, and allow Self to heal the wounds of the past, and handle whatever comes up in the present.

09/26/2021

09/16/2021

caring for others uses up vital energy needed for your own maintanence. It is necessary to recharge your own energy on a regular basis.

Realistic, quick activities that family caregivers can do during the pandemic to reenergize, recharge and maintain the strength to keep going and giving.