11/05/2025
Day 35 of the government shutdown. Since the shutdown began, the last time I checked, federal employees have taken out over $320 million dollars in loans. I don’t know how realistic it is for people to keep holding on. It’s pretty disgusting to be told to take out loans just to survive while back pay is still not guaranteed. You don’t know people’s situations or what they’re going through.
Federal government is not run like a private-sector. It’s unacceptable that we go through this kind of budget crisis every single year while politicians continue to get paid. But it’s part of the territory of being a fed. Yesterday, another group and I were called to report back to duty under a new furlough letter, moving us into exempt status. This time, we’re required to work with still no pay. Leave isn’t accruing, and we’re not allowed to take any time off. I’m fortunate to be one of the few not severely affected financially because of my business. However, I can’t close my eyes and pretend nothing is happening when so many of my colleagues especially single parents and dual federal employee families are struggling.
This past month has challenged my mental health in ways I never could have imagined. I hold my agency in the highest regard, from the people we serve to the oath I took to serve our country. Honestly, I didn’t think I could bring myself to report back to duty—but I did. We hadn’t seen each other in a month, and when we did, we all shared the biggest hugs. I’ve cried so much this past month watching how ugly people have become toward one another. What has happened to humanity?
I’ve had several veterans ask me not to leave, and that really made me pause—to think about balancing my commitment to them with my own mental health. None of this has been easy. I’ve stepped away from social media to block out the noise and misinformation. It’s become too much.
My mission in returning was to develop research and data, a risk I’m proud I took, now supported by doctors, scientists, and researchers nationwide. Now, 3 years later, it’s taking off nationwide. Everything in life is a choice, and right now, my choice is to stay in it for the hardest and longest haul.