01/27/2026
In unsafe relationships, someone has to carry the shame.
It’s usually the person with more empathy, more insight, more compassion, more capacity.
And then there are cultural scripts that dictate what type of humans are the ones who do most of the work, and most of the holding.
This is one of the places fawning gets reinforced.
Especially for people with less power who learned early that survival meant attunement, accommodation, and self-sacrifice.
It can be easy to slide into these cultural scripts if you’re a woman, a person of color, or a “carer.”
Even though your mind has intellectually assigned fault for harmful behaviors, your nervous system takes more time to catch up and may still be energetically holding their work for them, their unprocessed shame.
You may be the only one interested in bringing true harmony to the relational dynamic, and you unconsciously take responsibility. Accidentally sacrificing your body and nervous system for the relationship.
This, along with society’s tendency to blame victims for the abuse they experienced, can make the shame feel even heavier.
But it was never yours in the first place.
And how can you release it if you didn’t even see the energetic transfer happening?
You could spend a whole year, or many years, in psychotherapy trying to talk it away or analyze it further, only to feel more entrenched in the dynamic.
When all your body really wants is to set the energetic heaviness down and feel free again.
Tomorrow at 3:33 pm PT, I’m hosting a Tiny Tuesdays Shamanic Journey focused on releasing inherited and relational shame and returning it to where it actually belongs.
Not to another person, but to the dysfunctional systems and relational structures built on control, extraction, and avoidance of accountability.
$33 drop-in
Live on Zoom
DM to register