12/02/2025
Every family is different. Every partnership has its own rhythms, pressures, work schedules, mental loads, and sleep thresholds.
But after sitting with hundreds of parents on my table,
there’s a pattern I see consistently playing out in so many homes:
Sleep defaults to the mother. Because in the early weeks, she’s the one who can get the baby down faster… or she feels bad waking her partner…or her body is already awake feeding…or the logistics make it seem “easier” if she just does it.
And then, slowly that temporary arrangement becomes the long-term expectation. Just from pure momentum in the early days.
And by the time the newborn haze lifts,and partners return to work, and life gets busier, the undercurrent is already set:
Her sleep becomes optional (intentional or unintentional).
Everyone else’s becomes essential.
But here’s what I wish more families heard earlier:
No one parent’s sleep is more important, not the parent working outside the home, not the parent working inside it. Everyone’s nervous system matters. Everyone’s wellbeing counts.
So if you’re waking up to that pattern now, or feeling the imbalance in your bones:
It’s not too late. You’re not dramatic. You’re not asking for “too much.”
You’re recognizing a dynamic that needs tending.
Start the conversation. Name the pattern. Re-balance the load.
