Lori Kandels, MFT, MBA

07/24/2025

Preparing for a Medical Procedure with EMDR, Brainspotting, and Tapping

Facing a medical procedure—whether it’s a surgery, diagnostic test, or ongoing treatment—can stir up a wave of emotions. Worry, fear, and even past trauma can surface, making the experience more distressing than it needs to be. But practices like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Brainspotting, and EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques or “tapping”), can significantly reduce emotional distress and increase your sense of control and calm before a procedure.

Why Emotional Preparation Matters

Medical interventions don’t just affect the body—they affect the mind. Pre-procedure worries can lead to:

Elevated blood pressure and heart rate
Increased pain sensitivity
Poorer outcomes during recovery
Avoidance of necessary medical care

Emotional preparedness can shift the experience from something overwhelming to something manageable, and even empowering.

EMDR: Reprocessing Fear from Past Experiences

EMDR helps reprocess distressing memories so they lose their emotional intensity. If you’ve had negative medical experiences in the past—such as a painful surgery, complications, or feeling out of control in a hospital—these memories can resurface with new procedures.
Through guided bilateral stimulation (like eye movements or tapping), EMDR helps your brain “digest” these past events and reduces their emotional charge. You’re not just talking about the trauma—you’re reprocessing it at a neurological level. This can:

Decrease anticipatory fears
Increase your ability to advocate for yourself
Create space for neutral or even positive expectations

Example:
A person with a past experience of panic during a blood draw might revisit this memory in EMDR therapy. After several sessions, they may no longer feel the same fear, and can approach an upcoming procedure with a sense of calm confidence.

Brainspotting: Accessing the Root of Somatic Activation

Brainspotting taps into the brain-body connection. It uses specific eye positions to locate where distress is “held” in the body and brain, allowing the individual to process that emotion directly—without needing to analyze or retell the entire story.
This is particularly useful when medical worry doesn’t seem to be tied to a clear past trauma but is deeply felt in the body (tight chest, clenched jaw, shallow breathing).

Benefits of Brainspotting before a medical procedure:

Quieting the nervous system
Building tolerance for uncertainty
Creating space for emotional regulation during procedures

Example:
Someone who feels an intense but vague dread before MRIs can use brainspotting to locate and reduce this somatic fear, often without needing to “explain” where it came from.

Tapping (EFT): Calming the Nervous System in Real Time

Emotional Freedom Techniques, or tapping, involve gently tapping on acupressure points while verbalizing distressing thoughts or emotions. It’s like acupuncture without needles and acts as a desensitization therapy.
Tapping can be used before, during, or after a medical procedure to:

Reduce fear in real-time
Promote a sense of grounding
Empower you with a self-regulation tool you can use independently

Example:
While waiting in a hospital room, tapping on specific points while repeating phrases like “Even though I’m scared, I deeply and completely accept myself” can quickly reduce cortisol levels and enhance a feeling of safety.

Integrating These Therapies Into Your Medical Experience

If you have an upcoming procedure:

Start therapy a few weeks in advance, if possible, to allow time to process emotions and practice regulation tools.
Use tapping as a daily practice in the days leading up to your appointment.
Communicate with your care team about what helps you feel better—whether it’s headphones, extra time, or a particular request regarding the procedure.

Final Thoughts

Preparing for a medical procedure is not just about logistics and lab work—it’s about preparing your whole self. When emotional and psychological readiness meets medical care, outcomes often improve. Whether you carry trauma from past medical events or simply feel worried about the unknown, therapies like EMDR, Brainspotting, and tapping offer powerful tools to help you face the experience with more peace, clarity, and resilience.

You are not overreacting—you are being human. And there are ways to support that humanity through every step of your healing path.

06/12/2025

Survival Skills

I recently read Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies and Why by Laurence Gonzales. The author has studied catastrophes like plane crashes and wilderness accidents to understand what survivors have in common. What he comes away with is more than a way to survive a disaster, but a set of principles to live by. I’d like to talk about the first principle and how it applies to daily life.

The first skill that survivors possess is to “perceive, believe”. When Gonzales uses that phrase, he means that survivors put aside expectations and denial and clearly see the situation as it is now. This gives them the ability to respond to current conditions without wasting precious effort and resources on how they imagined things going. They face their terror about being adrift in open water, or lost on a mountain, and in seeing the reality of their situation, they can also begin to see the opportunities for positively affecting their circumstances.

We all walk around with mental maps of how we expect things to go. These maps are often informed by the past and that past creates expectations for the future. Our bodies and brains can form perceptual habits that cause us to miss actual danger as well as positive opportunities.

To develop the “perceive, believe” skill, we must clear out the old habits and become present. That means allowing past hurts to move through your nervous system until they are no longer weighing on you. You may still be upset in the present, but you won’t be muddled by the memories of things that aren’t happening right now. There are many ways to approach getting current. Tapping, Brainspotting and EMDR are among them. You can read more in past blog posts.

02/19/2025

Our Brains and Brainspotting

A coherent brain is one that is operating as one network. On an EEG, brain wave patterns are even and of high amplitude. A coherent brain is operating in the present and has maximum energy available for the novel; for creativity. The brains of children typically operate this way.

As we go through life, we are confronted with stressors and traumas and our brains can start to fragment if these events are unprocessed. The brain then compartmentalizes and becomes incoherent. In this way we lose presence and the ability to integrate new experiences. Instead, our brains are operating as if we are stuck in the past.

Practices like Brainspotting allow us to access those fragments and reintegrate them. Once we process the impact of past experiences, the heart goes into coherence. When that happens, the heart signals the brain that we are safe now. From there, the brain can reset its baseline and be open to new experiences from the present.

We don't forget the past, but we aren't troubled by it and its not consuming our energy. Instead of operating from the habits of the past, we have freed up energy for creating a different future.

09/17/2024

Nonviolent Communication

In a world increasingly characterized by discord, misunderstanding, and division, the concept of nonviolent communication (NVC) offers a much-needed balm. It’s not just a method of speaking or a technique for de-escalating conflict—it’s a shift in mindset, a way of being that fosters deep understanding, compassion, and connection.

At its core, NVC, developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, is about recognizing and honoring our shared humanity. The “violence” that NVC seeks to root out are misunderstands caused by blame and judgment. NVC encourages us to get beyond assumptions and really understand the other. When we embrace this approach, we stop reacting defensively or aggressively to others, and instead, we cultivate empathy—both for ourselves and for those around us.

The Practice of Nonviolent Communication

Nonviolent communication rests on four key components: observation, feeling, values, and request. These might seem simple at first glance, but their application can radically transform how we engage with the world.

1. Observation: The first step in NVC is to observe what is happening in a neutral and non-judgmental way. This means describing facts rather than evaluating them. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re always late,” we could observe, “I noticed that you arrived 15 minutes later than we agreed.”

2. Feeling: Once we’ve made an observation, we identify how we feel about the situation. This step requires vulnerability and self-awareness. Are we feeling frustrated, sad, or worried? As one practitioner often says, in order to eliminate blame or judgment, name a feeling that you could have on a deserted island. You couldn’t feel disrespected or rejected on that island, but you could feel hurt or lonely.

3. Values: Behind every feeling is a value. When we experience discomfort, it's usually because something important to us—such as respect or connection—isn’t being recognized. In the example about lateness, the feeling of frustration might stem from a deeply held value for reliability or mutual respect.

4. Request: Finally, we make a clear and actionable request, inviting the other person to engage in a relationship affirming action. This is different from a demand; it’s an invitation for collaboration. For example, “Would you be willing to call if you’re going to be more than 10 minutes late in the future?”

The Power of Empathy

Nonviolent communication isn’t just about using the right phrases or following a formula. It’s about the intention behind our communication. NVC is not about trying to prove a point or “win” an argument. NVC is about developing empathy. It asks us to listen deeply—not only to the words being spoken but to the emotions and values beneath them.

Empathy is not about offering advice, fixing problems, or even agreeing with someone else’s perspective. It’s about being fully present with another person, without judgment or interpretation.

When we offer empathy—whether to a friend, partner, colleague, or even a stranger—it has the power to create profound connection. Through empathy, we communicate: “I see you. I hear you. Your experience matters.” This is the essence of nonviolent communication: a deep recognition of our shared humanity.

Let’s start by listening.

04/19/2024

Dealing with Chronic Stress

Chronic stress is not just a fleeting feeling of being overwhelmed; it's a constant state that can significantly impact every facet of life -- mental, emotional, and physical. While everyday stressors are usually manageable, chronic stress can feel insurmountable, leading to health issues such as heart disease, high blood pressure, and psychological distress. This blog post explores how therapy can help with this pervasive issue.

Understanding Chronic Stress

Stress activates the nervous system. Ordinarily, we respond to the source of the stress and then relax. But sometimes our bodies get stuck in activation. Something happens, we experience stress, and then we get caught up in a negative story about ourselves that starts to loop, prolonging the stress response. Over time, the body can become habituated to stress hormones. Even when things are fine, your mind continues to loop and your body continues to feel stressed.

How Therapy Helps

1. Identifying the Sources of Stress
A therapist can help you to identify stressors that you may not have recognized or acknowledged. Understanding the sources of stress is pivotal in developing strategies to address them effectively.

2. Developing Coping Strategies
Personalized coping strategies may include problem-solving skills, time-management improvements, realistic goal setting and self-care routines.

3. Improving Emotional Regulation
Everyone experiences stress, the key is to minimize the refractory period. Mindfulness and somatic therapy practices help to retrain the nervous system. It's not enough to change your mind, you have to change the way you feel. (See previous posts on EMDR, Braninspotting and EFT.)

4. Building Resilience
By improving your ability to recover from setbacks, you are strengthening your mental fortitude and are less susceptible to the debilitating effects of stress down the line.

5. Offering Support and Validation
A non-judgmental, listening ear can be helpful. It may also keep you from exhausting friends and family.

6. Addressing Unresolved Trauma
Some stress comes from unresolved trauma. If you are having outsized reactions to current stressors, your body may be living in the past. Resolving old trauma will get you current and make things feel more manageable.

Conclusion

Managing chronic stress is crucial for mental well-being and physical health. Therapy can help you to handle stress more effectively, change unhealthy behavior patterns and improve your quality of life.

10/03/2023

Anger is Not Abuse

Anger and abuse are different things.

Anger is a statement of dignity and indignation. It’s a way of saying, “This is not alright with me”. It is intended to assert control over oneself and one’s circumstances.

Abuse is the willful* diminishment of another person. It comes from a place of fear, and it is intended to assert power and control over another person.

For a person who has experienced abuse, the two can be conflated. While working through the traumas of the past, they may worry that their own anger is, or will become, abusive. But feeling angry about being abused is different. It’s an assertion of dignity and self-determination.

Depression can take advantage of this conflation between anger and abuse and act as an oppressive force against any expression of strong emotion, including anger. The way out of depression is through connecting with that anger, or in other words, that expression of dignity and self-definition.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that others will like what you have to say when you express anger. But it doesn’t mean that you are being abusive. (Stay tuned for another post on non-violent communication.)
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*Did you know that abuse is always a choice? I worked in a program that did research on domestic violence and they found that 100% of the time, abusers decided to abuse. The good news about that fact is that if you can decide to abuse, you can also decide not to.

06/29/2023

No More Jet Lag

For any of you traveling this summer, I have created a tapping (EFT) video for you to use to prevent, or reduce, jet lag symptoms. For prevention, do this mediation every hour or two while you are in transit. If you already have jet lag symptoms, do this meditation multiple times during the day until you have relief. Happy travels everyone!

05/30/2023

Unhappiness or Pathology?

This month I’d like to share an interview that I gave during mental health awareness month. It complements a previous blog post called You’re Better Than You Think.

Quotes from the interview:

“What does it mean if so many people are willing to diagnose themselves as mentally ill?”

“If we had an outbreak of back pain… wouldn’t we also want to ask why so many people are having back pain?”

“The diagnosis says that I’m wrong, I’m defective…. rather than looking out at circumstances.”

“We may need some help dealing with distress, but it doesn’t mean that we are having a pathological response.”

“Watch how you describe yourself.” “Assume you have a reason for feeling the way you do.”

05/03/2023

I’m going to be discussing the difference between unhappiness and mental illness.

Tune in this Thursday at 10:00 am PST. when we go live with Kandels, Psychotherapist at Private Practice in Psychotherapist and Counseling on TEN@10…

01/25/2023

There Are No Mistakes

It’s tempting to look back on decisions about relationships, jobs and various other choices that didn’t go well and consider them to be mistakes. In reality though, it’s just piling on. You already had a hard time, now you are blaming yourself for it.

We are always making life decisions with imperfect information. You don’t choose things that you are sure will go badly, it just happens sometimes. And it’s not a mistake to try something. You were curious; you wanted to know something. If you hadn’t done the thing, you might still be wondering what would have happened if you had tried it.

You understood this as a toddler. When you fell down after your first attempt at walking, you didn’t say, “Well that was a mistake. If I had know I might fall, I would never have tried walking”. You tried again and again, adjusting your balance and developing muscle strength and coordination each time.

Regardless of the outcome of your adult endeavors, you did learn something. You had an experience; you satisfied your curiosity, and that’s important. You can take what you learned and try something else. So applaud yourself for doing the brave thing, for trying and learning.

12/06/2022

What is Brainspotting?

Brainspotting facilitates, and speeds up, the process of durable change. Have you ever had the experience of knowing how you want to be in the world, but then in response to a trigger, you go right back to the old ways of behaving? That’s because most communication is nonverbal and you have to change the way you feel in order to truly change your mind. Your head and heart have to align. Talk therapy alone can lack a focus on problem solving and the process of change can be slow.

David Grand had been an EMDR therapist before he created Brainspotting. Rather than using eye movement, as in EMDR, Brainspotting uses a fixed eye point, or a series of points, that allow processing of subcortical, or non-conscious experience. Focusing the gaze, in conjunction with attunement from the therapist, allows for deep processing and resolution.

Our brains store clusters of memories based on affective similarity. So as you process, you will notice that memories emerge that have a similar emotional tone, and with that, a similar troublesome conclusion, such as, “That means I’m unlovable, or not enough, or too much, or …”. The processing allows you to resolve the emotional state and to move on to a new conclusion. The result is that you are able to feel, think and act differently.

The guiding principal behind the brain science is that “Where you look affects how you feel”. Try it. Close your eyes and think about something that is troubling you. Rate your current level of stress on a scale from 0 – 10 where 0 is no stress and 10 is the worst stress. Now, open your eyes and without moving your head, look to the right. Rate your stress level again. Look straight ahead and then to the left and rate your stress level in each direction. You probably noticed that the number changed depending on where you were looking. You are accessing different levels of your non-conscious experience based on where you look.

The research demonstrates that Brainspotting has similar results to EMDR, but some find it to be a gentler alternative. Learn more here.