Gay Therapy Center

12/12/2025

Everything we try to do in life is harder when we are mean to ourselves. It's like being stuck in 3rd gear on a flat road. Life gets easier when we have more support, and that includes support from ourselves.

Noticing this automatic habit of self-talk is step one in personal growth. Once you get to know this voice--I call it the "Inner Critic"--then you have a chance to change its words and tone. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam-d-blum-mft/2011/12/gay-psychologist-your-self-talk-tone-matters

12/12/2025

Long gone are the days when all we found was a matchbook from a seedy motel or lipstick on a collar.

It’s a new layer of modern trauma that never before existed. The words and images are burned into the minds of the one who is betrayed.

And when old boyfriends are now just a click away on Facebook, affairs are everywhere. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam-d-blum-mft/2018/12/gay-men-and-affairs-how-to-recover

12/11/2025

What if you really loved yourself? The concept of loving yourself has lost its power to inspire us because it was overused in cheesy popular media. We are in an ironic time and loving yourself sounds sappy, and very 1980s.

But loving yourself is not self-indulgent. It doesn’t mean you stop loving and caring about others. It just means adding yourself to your inner circle of loved ones.
https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam-d-blum-mft/2014/10/gay-therapist-men-loving-themselves

12/10/2025

Being perfect is one way to manage being an outsider in your own family, school, city, or country.

Feeling like an outsider is a pretty typical experience for young gay people. And too often they can also feel like they are gross, disgusting, or sick. It can be quite humiliating to grow up gay.

Look under the surface of “out and proud” gay men and you’ll frequently find these old tapes lurking inside, running in the background.

Here’s what gay perfectionism looks like for men I’ve worked with: https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/gay-perfectionism/

12/10/2025

Are you tired of fighting with your partner? Every relationship has its ups and downs, but feeling like you're always fighting with your partner is exhausting. When we look under the surface of what the fight seems to be about, we can actually understand a lot more about where the hurt is coming from.

Here's a tip on how to cut down on fights, from the Director of the Gay Therapy Center, Adam Blum. https://youtu.be/1xkATVQevrg

12/10/2025

I often work with clients who want to end a destructive, unhealthy relationship and are struggling with the willpower to say goodbye. These relationships can have an addictive quality and clients experience painful withdrawal symptoms as they attempt to leave. While the early stages of the process can be challenging, all of my clients have dramatically improved their lives after leaving toxic relationships.

Here are some actions, thoughts, and questions that can help as you try to let go and move forward:
https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam-d-blum-mft/2011/10/gay-marriage-counseling-ending-an-unhealthy-relationship

12/09/2025

Perfectionism is there to ensure that you are loved and safe. The good news is that you can be loved and safe and also be really imperfect. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam-d-blum-mft/2018/4/gay-perfectionism

12/08/2025

The joke about what le****ns bring on the second date—a U-Haul—might be a stereotype, but it speaks to a truth about le***an dating: Many women move quickly to selecting a china pattern before they have even met each others’ cats.

I once dated a woman who wanted to start using the word “girlfriend” after two dates. Needless to say, that pairing didn’t last.

What about casual s*x? Do le****ns even do that?
https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam-d-blum-mft/2016/9/le****ns-and-casual-s*x-can-we-leave-the-u-haul-behind

12/07/2025

"Ghosting is avoidance driven by a fear of confrontation. We may tell ourselves that it is nicer not to tell someone that we don’t have chemistry. In reality, being ghosted hurts a lot more than the truth.

Why do we hurt others? Because we have our own hurts that we want to avoid. When we are feeling good about ourselves we rarely intentionally hurt people. Our compassion and kindness flows from how we are feeling about ourselves"

Read more on why we ghost & how to deal with it, from GTC Founder Adam Blum, here:

LGBTQ people have learned to be experts in hiding. We had to hide to survive, and ghosting is hiding.

12/06/2025

One dating myth we hear all the time is that “People on the apps just want s*x. No one wants a relationship.”

Our results show that this is, indeed, a myth!

• 43% of respondents report that their primary reason for being on the app to find a relationship partner.
• 30% of respondents report that their primary reason for being on the app is to find a s*xual partner

Learn more about our research here: https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/results-of-our-research-on-lgbtq-dating-and-hook-up-apps/

12/05/2025

Different layers of protection include: the positive partner being undetectable, the negative partner being on PrEP; condoms; not having a**l in*******se. A discussion about what each person would be comfortable with is essential. If you’re not on the same page, instead of immediately jumping to judgment or rejection, ask why. It’s important for both you to understand each other. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam-d-blum-mft/2017/14/so-the-guy-you-like-just-told-you-hes-hiv-positive-now-what

12/05/2025

Feeling jealous in an open relationship is perfectly natural. It is perfectly natural to feel all sorts of things in any type of relationship.

The trick is not to limit the range of emotions we feel, but rather decide what we want to do with the emotions when they come up. Because they will come up. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/adam-d-blum-mft/2017/12/feeling-jealous-in-an-open-relationship