The New Happy, San Francisco, CA (2025)

11/14/2025

Who is your bridge?
And who can you be a bridge for?

11/12/2025

Old Happy culture taught you that, if you can just find a way to be perfect, then everything will be okay.

Then you’ll be happy.
Then you’ll feel like you belong.
Then you’ll be able to make a difference in the world.

It doesn’t work that way. In fact, it’s the opposite: the sooner that you realize that you’re acceptable right now, exactly as you are, the sooner you will be able to be happy, to discover your sense of belonging, and to make a positive impact on others.

Start saying to yourself, “I’m acceptable right now, exactly as I am.” Then watch what happens—how your self-acceptance helps you to grow.

Get this post as a free wallpaper pack for light and dark mode at thenewhappy.com/wallpaper-accept

11/11/2025

“You need more.” This message runs like a river through Old Happy culture, affecting us from a very early age.

Research shows, however, that the pursuit of more stuff doesn’t actually make us happy. First of all, we adapt very quickly to good things in our lives. This is called hedonic adaptation. No matter what you get, you tend to get used to it. Other studies have found that people who are more materialistic —which means they value stuff and money more highly — are more likely to be lonely, struggle with their relationships, and rate themselves as less satisfied with life. Finally, studies show that once we’ve established a baseline of well-being where our needs are satisfied, chasing more and more becomes a source of ill-being.

Notice what this desire for more feels like inside of you. Maybe it’s a sort of clenching in your stomach. It could be a racing heart that signifies your fear. It could be a sense of urgency that leaves no space to pause and ask if something more is actually necessary. When you feel that feeling, ask yourself, “What need am I trying to fill here?”

With that need in mind, you can look around to figure out how you can fulfill it. Because, in truth, many of our needs can be fulfilled by simply pausing to notice, appreciate, and enjoy the good that is already present in our lives. You have people to love you, things that nourish you, community to support you, agency to make different choices, and interests to inspire you. These things can fulfill you in a way that more and more cannot.

11/10/2025

The next time that you find yourself saying, “I can’t!” here are three sentences that can help.

First, start with belief: “I can do it.” Approach the task.
Then, move to action: “I am doing it.” Take one small step, right now.
Finally, shift to reflection: “I was changed by it.” Solidify your purpose by focusing on the impact of your actions. That’s what will make it easier to show up to do it again tomorrow.

11/05/2025

Studies show that perfectionism has significantly increased over the last two decades, thanks to Old Happy culture — and along with that, there has been a corresponding rise in mental illness.

A key element of perfectionism is the fear of failure (and of believing that any mistakes, no matter how small or insignificant, are emblematic of it.) Within this worldview, mistakes are seen as proof that you are imperfect, will never be good enough, and are unworthy of love.

But if we take a step back, we can see that our past mistakes have not been all bad. Sometimes, they are blessings-in-disguise or powerful moments of transformation. They’ve helped us grow, redirected us onto better paths, or made us more compassionate people. They were how we bonded with others, who shared their mistakes with us in return.

Let’s learn to treat our mistakes, not as proof of flaws or unworthy selves, but as an inevitable part of being a human. It’s okay to mess up. In fact, it’s perfectly normal.

11/04/2025

The coping mechanisms that you developed to help you survive might now be keeping you from thriving.

If you were hurt in the past, you might have learned that you have to isolate yourself from others in order to protect yourself. Yet doing so makes it so much harder to establish the loving, secure, and mutual relationships that will help you to be happier.

Today, look back on your past and ask yourself these three questions:
* How did I learn to protect myself from pain?
* Are those protective measures still serving me?
* If not, what would it look like to lower my guard, just a little bit?

11/03/2025

Avoiding it is easier in the short-term, but creates pain in the long-term. Facing it is harder in the short-term, but creates ease in the long-term.

We all would prefer to avoid the upsetting or painful things in life. But in trying to protect ourselves through avoidance, we often end up m increasing our suffering.

The next time this you’re avoiding something that needs to be faced, try this: think about how facing it will help you to be the person you aspire to be.

For example:
* If you’re avoiding setting a boundary, tell yourself: “I’m a person with self-respect, and this is a moment to demonstrate that.”
* If you’re avoiding a difficult conversation with a loved one, tell yourself: “I’m a person who shows up to work on my relationships, even when it’s hard.”
* If you’re avoiding a chore or responsibility, tell yourself: “I’m a person who follows through on my commitments.”

This shift in focus — from the present pain to the future gain — can help you tap into your deep well of courage. Even when it seems scary, please remember: you can face this thing.

Get this post as a free wallpaper at www.thenewhappy.com/wallpaper-facing

10/31/2025

You have probably see one message repeated over and over again: the key to achieving your goals is being consistent. This is not, actually, the key to achieving your goals.

If you want to achieve your goals, make them joyful. Fun. Interesting. Engaging. Meaningful. If you do this, you will never have to worry about ‘being consistent’ ever again—because it will be easy for you to be consistent!

Studies show that people who choose goals aligned with their interests, values, and identities are more likely to be happy as they pursue them, be more persistent and therefore, are more likely to be successful in achieving them.

On the other hand, people who are extrinsically motivated are more likely to abandon their goals and experience ill-being.

Consistency is a downstream metric that can help you discern how aligned the goal is to your authentic self, which in turn drives your happiness and success.

Your current behavior — consistent or not — is a piece of data that you can use. It’s not a target to aim at; when it is a target, it can very quickly become a source of pressure and self-shame, which ironically leads to de-motivation.

If you’re struggling to be consistent, that can be a sign that your goal is not aligned to your authentic self and is not fulfilling your needs. Ask yourself, how can I make pursuing this goal a more joyful experience?

Or, go further: what would it look like to throw this goal out and choose a new, joyful one instead?

NEW HAPPY, our bestselling book, will teach you how to set goals that bring you true happiness—and find joy along the way. Get your copy at www.newhappybook.com

10/23/2025

Other people will always have opinions about who you are. And quite often, those perspectives are ill-informed: one famous study found that it takes people just 1/10th of a second to form an impression of someone!

That begs an important question: why are you insisting on defining yourself according to someone who took a mere 1/10th of a second to judge you?

You are your own constant companion. You know who you really are. Deep down, you know that you are good, you are deserving of happiness and joy, and you have so much to share with the world. Don’t reject that inner knowing because of someone’s split-second opinion.

10/22/2025

Our individualistic culture tells you that you need to do everything in your life on your own, all by yourself, and if you can’t, then you are broken, flawed, and unworthy. It’s no wonder that so many people struggle to ask for help - from a very early age, we are taught to avoid it at all costs.

The mindset is a recipe for both personal and collective pain.

No one can do anything alone. Moreover, trying to do everything alone hurts you. Instead of leaning on other people’s strengths, insights, and love, you go without, struggling through without the support that you deserve. It’s an instinct that makes the fine times feel hard and makes the hard times feel impossible.

People who ask for help are strong. Not just because they have shown that they’re willing to go against Old Happy’s culture. But because they are demonstrating that they are committed to persevering. They want to get better. They want to find a way to improve. They want to heal their pain.

They see a brighter future and they are absolutely, determinedly, courageously moving towards it. What could be stronger than that? If you are struggling to ask for what you need, I want you to say these words to yourself: “Asking for help shows just how strong I am.” Every single person out there needs help. And every single one of our lives would be a lot better if we all learned to offer more help to others and ask for it in return.

Learn more in our bestselling book, New Happy: www.thenewhappy.com/book

10/21/2025

Everyone has too much to do and too little time to do it in. And yet no matter how much we try to prioritize or eliminate or say “No!” more frequently, it often doesn’t seem to really, truly help with our stress.

That’s because we’re not addressing an equally-important part of the equation. We need to also shift our expectations about how we do everything that we need and want to do. If you expect perfection of yourself in every area of your life, you are always going to feel overwhelmed, because you are setting yourself an impossible task.

Pause and get honest with yourself. What are you expecting of yourself? If you can admit, “I’m expecting perfection in every area of my life and in everything that I do,” you’re halfway to freedom.

10/20/2025

If you’re pursuing a dream, here’s what you need to remember:

It’s going to feel slow at first. It’s going to feel uncomfortable for a while. It’s going to seem like you’re not making any progress. It’s going to be unclear to other people why you’re doing it or what you’re working towards. All of this may even make you feel like you should give up on your dream.

But don’t. All of this is completely normal! This is just what it is like — for everyone — to pursue something that matters to them. And your perseverance through this time has a huge impact: if you keep going, at one point, everything will change for the better. Don’t doubt yourself: you are brave, you are resilient, you are curious, and you are compassionate. You can do this.

Get this post as a free wallpaper at www.thenewhappy.com/wallpaper-suddenly to remember this message.

The New Happy

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