The New Happy

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Avoiding it is easier in the short-term, but creates pain in the long-term. Facing it is harder in the short-term, but c...
04/27/2026

Avoiding it is easier in the short-term, but creates pain in the long-term. Facing it is harder in the short-term, but creates ease in the long-term.

We all would prefer to avoid the upsetting or painful things in life. But in trying to protect ourselves through avoidance, we often end up increasing our suffering.

The next time this you’re avoiding something that needs to be faced, try this: think about how facing it will help you to be the person you aspire to be.

For example:
* If you’re avoiding setting a boundary, tell yourself: “I’m a person with self-respect, and this is a moment to demonstrate that.”
* If you’re avoiding a difficult conversation with a loved one, tell yourself: “I’m a person who shows up to work on my relationships, even when it’s hard.”
* If you’re avoiding a chore or responsibility, tell yourself: “I’m a person who follows through on my commitments.”

This shift in focus — from the present pain to the future gain — can help you tap into your deep well of courage. Even when it seems scary, please remember: you can face this thing.

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When you have to hide who you are... you suffer.When you can be who you are... you can feel more joy, build meaningful r...
04/21/2026

When you have to hide who you are... you suffer.

When you can be who you are... you can feel more joy, build meaningful relationships, and contribute to the world.

But when you are loved for who you are... oh, that’s when you really grow, in ways that you can’t presently imagine. It’s what connects you to your truest self, and allows you to step into greater and greater becomings of that self.

That’s why one of the greatest gifts we can give someone is to love them, exactly as they are. And it’s why the greatest gift we can receive is having someone love us for who we are.

Other people will always have opinions about who you are. And quite often, those perspectives are ill-informed: one famo...
04/16/2026

Other people will always have opinions about who you are. And quite often, those perspectives are ill-informed: one famous study found that it takes people just 1/10th of a second to form an impression of someone!

That begs an important question: why are you insisting on defining yourself according to someone who took a mere 1/10th of a second to judge you?

You are your own constant companion. You know who you really are. Deep down, you know that you are good, you are deserving of happiness and joy, and you have so much to share with the world. Don’t reject that inner knowing because of someone’s split-second opinion.

If it feels messy, overwhelming, or hard, that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you.It feels messy, overwhe...
04/14/2026

If it feels messy, overwhelming, or hard, that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you.

It feels messy, overwhelming, or hard because that’s how it works: it is always going to feel this way when you’re trying something new, making a change, or building something.

It’s the process of engaging with the mess that actually allows us to turn it into something else. Through our attention, we can transform it into something beautiful, meaningful, and authentic.

(Get this post as a free wallpaper pack at thenewhappy.com/wallpapers)

I know that you are pursuing a goal that matters to you. I know that it can be agonizingly slow. I know that you persist...
04/13/2026

I know that you are pursuing a goal that matters to you.
I know that it can be agonizingly slow.
I know that you persist and yet somehow it still feels like you're not moving forward.
I know that you sometimes feel confused and wonder if you're doing the right thing.
I know that it can sometimes feel so hard to keep going. I know you sometimes want to give up and throw in the towel, and do something that is a little bit easier instead.

Here's what I want you to know: you can do this.

Because I also know that you are brave — not everyone would take on this goal. I know that you are creative — you find inventive solutions to problems. I know that you are resilient — you get up after setbacks and learn from them. And above all else, I know that if you keep trying, one day you will wake up, and everything will be different.

Keep going!

You’re a human being. That means that you, like all other human beings, will experience painful and difficult emotions.I...
04/07/2026

You’re a human being. That means that you, like all other human beings, will experience painful and difficult emotions.

Instead of pushing these emotions away, viewing them as an indication that you’re flawed or broken, I want you to try something new. I want you to try to accept them, knowing that all they indicate is that you are a human being who is going through a particularly challenging moment.

Here’s my favorite sentence to help you to do this:
“This is how it is, right now.”

Say these words to yourself.

This pain is how it is... right now.�This sadness is how it is... right now.�This grief is how it is... right now.

In one sentence, we can accept whatever is happening in the moment. The magic of this sentence, though, is that it also reminds us that this moment will not last forever. Because that’s another part of the human experience: that no matter how painful these moments are, they eventually do pass.

We are here to help each other ❤️ What can you do today to help someone who is going through a hard moment? What can you...
04/03/2026

We are here to help each other ❤️ What can you do today to help someone who is going through a hard moment? What can you ask for help with to get through a hard moment?

Studies have found that good listening has three key behaviors: offering attention, seeking understanding, and conveying...
03/27/2026

Studies have found that good listening has three key behaviors: offering attention, seeking understanding, and conveying positive intention.

Here are a few easy ways you can be a more present listener.

Give the other person your attention:

Before you start the conversation, establish your capacity (“I have twenty minutes to talk right now, and then I will have to get back to work,” or “I need a bit of time to wind-down, and then we can spend time together!”)

In the conversation, minimize distractions (put your phone down, turn off the television, choose an appropriate time for in-depth conversations.)

Be curious:

Summarize what they say (“It sounds like you’re saying…” and “What I’m hearing is…”)

Ask for clarification (“Am I getting this right?”)

Invite them to go deeper (“Could you share more about that experience?” or “What were you feeling in that moment?”)

Express care:

Extend compassion (“That must have been so painful,” or “What do you need right now?”)

Point out their strengths (“Your courage in that moment was awe-inspiring,” or “You always make me laugh.”)

Share your gratitude (“This was such a great conversation," or “I’m so thankful that you opened up to me.”)

Have you ever had a small setback or stressor ruin your day? If so, you’re not alone. In a recent study, researchers fou...
03/16/2026

Have you ever had a small setback or stressor ruin your day? If so, you’re not alone. In a recent study, researchers found that the longer that you ‘hold on’ to the negative experience of the stressor in your mind, the more likely it is that you are going to have a day where you feel more unhappiness and stress.

The solution is paradoxical: you need to let yourself feel any emotions that were caused by the stressor. Try to label your emotions (irritation, frustration, disbelief, etc.) Acknowledge the red of it all, refraining from beating yourself up for whatever happened — experiencing small stressors is just an inevitable reality of being a human.

(Download this piece as a free wallpaper at www.thenewhappy.com/wallpapers)

We are not meant to go through this life alone. Nothing makes that clearer than seeing what happens when we share our jo...
02/27/2026

We are not meant to go through this life alone. Nothing makes that clearer than seeing what happens when we share our joy and our sorrow.

What joy have you felt recently, and have you shared it with someone?
What pain have you felt recently, and have you shared it with someone?

If the answer is no, reach out to someone and let them in: everything is better when it is shared.

Get this post as a wallpaper pack for your phone at www.thenewhappy.com/wallpapers

There are no overnight transformations.Here’s what change really looks like: having flashes of insight, forgetting what ...
02/25/2026

There are no overnight transformations.

Here’s what change really looks like: having flashes of insight, forgetting what you just learned, struggling to practice, being tested in challenging circumstances, feeling like you’re taking a massive step back, and wondering if you’re going in the right direction.

You might beat yourself up for this, believing that there is something wrong with you and the way you’re approaching your goals. But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you—this is just exactly change works. Keep going ❤️

It’s not because you’re lazy. �It’s not because you’re flawed. �It’s not because you’re unable to do it. You’re procrast...
02/23/2026

It’s not because you’re lazy. �It’s not because you’re flawed. �It’s not because you’re unable to do it.

You’re procrastinating because the task you’re trying to do is bringing up uncomfortable emotions that you really, really want to avoid.

Research on procrastination has found that there are usually three causes, often interrelated:
* You are afraid of failing at the task.
* The task is unappealing.
* The task is overwhelming.

These are all incredibly uncomfortable emotions! Fear, unpleasantness, and uncertainty are all experiences we would prefer to avoid.

This task has become associated with these emotions, leading you to want to run away from it, as far as you can in the opposite direction —where there are hopefully some better feelings waiting for you.

Unfortunately, as every procrastinator knows, the farther you run from the task, the more those uncomfortable emotions tend to grow... and grow... and grow... until a simple task can feel downright impossible.

Instead, you have to practice facing the emotions surrounding the task. More in today's newsletter: https://www.thenewhappy.com/blog/what-to-do-procrastinating

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