Relationship Skills for People of All Genders and Orientations

Relationship Skills for People of All Genders and Orientations Relationship Skills Workshops offered online for people of all genders and orientations. Why Repair When You Can Prepare? You are also who I want to reach.

Relationship Skills for People of All Genders and Orientations
I am so excited to announce an upcoming offering that I am putting together for all of the people who have reached out to me over the years from states I am not licensed to practice in. I have wished I had a way to help support you in improving your relationships when I can only see a limited number of therapy clients and I cannot practice outside of the state of California. I am offering a skills-building workshop/club for people of all genders and orientations that will teach you all of the tools people learn in couples and relationship therapy, and hopefully do it in a way that helps you prepare for conflict rather than try to repair things after it has happened. People spend thousands of dollars or more on relationship therapy, often waiting until it’s too late to seek counseling. At a minimum, partners who see me for ten sessions spend about $4500 on relationship therapy. But most distressed couples need more than ten sessions. Many people need at least six months of therapy, especially when they are recovering from multiple relationship ruptures or they have developed dysfunctional patterns that need significant effort to change. If you’re reading this and you’re thinking, “Wait, I’m pretty happy in my relationship,” then that’s great news! Consider this workshop an investment that could potentially help you avoid the most common relationship problems, improve your communication and empathy, and help identify when you should get help before serious damage has harmed your relationships. Research shows that people in relationships wait an average of 6 years after the first signs of relationship distress to get help. Don’t let that be you! Prepare now so that you can recognize what the signs are and learn the tools that will help keep your love alive. And trust me, these exercises are much more fun and useful to building your relationship skills when you are still in the foundational stages of your love. I am offering safe but engaging workshops that will help you learn how to assess the current state of health of your relationship(s), practice skills to enhance connection and positivity, and identify when you may need additional help. Since you will not be coming in with things already broken, this gives us the opportunity to use our time with me teaching you the tools and exercises that can take many sessions to integrate with distressed people. YOU’LL LEARN:
*How to avoid the four biggest predictors of relationship distress;
*How to understand your attachment styles and how these may come into play during times of conflict;
*How to identify your (and your partner’s) preferred ways of giving and receiving love;
*How to approach difficult conversations and repair ruptures in your relationship;
*How to take these skills home and continue to work on increasing the love and connection in your relationships. This group is especially welcoming of LGBTQ folks, people of color, polyamorous people, s*x workers and their partners, and kinksters. All participants are advised that members should not be actively addicted to any substance at the time of the Intensive training and that relationships be free of abuse, intimidation, and domestic violence. You will not have to worry about coming into a room with a therapist/teacher or attendees who don’t “get” who you are. Individuals and single people are welcome, and couples, triads, and polycules are especially encouraged to attend together to get the additional benefit of practicing in the workshop and to enhance skill building post-workshop. You will leave with ideas and materials to help you continue to work on your partnership(s). These intensive trainings will be fun, informative, bonding, and educational. Some of it may be challenging, and parts of it will feel like play. You will learn together, and you will leave with a clearer awareness of how to better nurture your romantic relationships.

When people say this course gives them language, tools, and a safer space to explore their communication patterns, it re...
12/31/2025

When people say this course gives them language, tools, and a safer space to explore their communication patterns, it reminds me why I built Relationship Skills for All Genders and Orientations in the first place ❤️

And here’s something I’m excited to share: I’m currently working on an on-demand independent study version of the course, so more people can access these tools in their own time and at their own pace! 🙌

If you’d like to know more or want to be the first to hear when it’s ready, you’re welcome to DM me.

12/28/2025

There’s a lot of cultural pressure to have big feelings about s*x. To love it. To want it often. To talk about it openly.

S*x positivity has done a lot of good, but somewhere along the way, people started assuming that if you aren’t enthusiastic about s*x, something must be wrong.

That simply isn’t true! 🙅

S*x-neutral folks exist. They’re not broken. They’re not repressed. They’re not missing out. They just don’t have strong positive or negative feelings about s*x, and that’s a completely valid way of moving through the world.

S*x neutrality isn’t a problem to fix. It’s a relationship to intimacy. It’s one of many ways people experience desire. And for some, it creates space for connection that isn’t driven by pressure or performance.

If this is you, you deserve partners who understand you, not partners who expect you to match their enthusiasm. You deserve room to name your boundaries and your preferences without apologizing for them. And you deserve to know there’s nothing wrong with you.

In a culture that celebrates loud desire, quiet desire is still real and worthy.

What do you think? ❤️

*xNeutrality *xNeutralCommunity

Desire differences aren’t a red flag! They’re actually a pretty normal part of long-term connection. When you see them a...
12/25/2025

Desire differences aren’t a red flag! They’re actually a pretty normal part of long-term connection. When you see them as information rather than danger, you create space for curiosity, collaboration, and renewed intimacy.

Follow for more practical insights on desire discrepancy and how to manage it in your relationship ❤️

*xTherapy *xTherapist

12/24/2025

As*xual and allos*xual partners often worry that their needs will harm each other. That fear can create distance, but it doesn’t have to!

Follow for more practical insights on desire discrepancies and how to manage them in your relationship ❤️

12/21/2025

There’s a powerful myth shaping the way couples think about s*x! ⚠️

It says that healthy partners should want s*x at the same time, with the same frequency, and with the same level of enthusiasm. (Some people even assume that simultaneous or**sm is the goal, rather than a rare treat.) And these beliefs are causing far more relational distress than the desire difference itself.

The truth is that libido doesn’t operate on a shared schedule. It responds to stress, safety, past experiences, relationship dynamics, and personal wiring.

Expecting two nervous systems to line up perfectly is unrealistic. Yet people hold themselves to that standard and feel ashamed or rejected when reality doesn’t match the myth 👀

When partners try to sync up instead of slowing down to understand what actually influences their desire, they miss the opportunity to learn how each person moves into intimacy. And they miss out on understanding the brakes and accelerators, emotional needs, and the meaning each person places on s*x.

The more couples try to force synchrony, the more pressure builds. And pressure is one of the fastest ways to shut desire down.

If we talked more openly about libido differences as a normal part of long-term relationships, people would feel less alone and more capable of navigating these moments.

Follow for more practical insights on desire discrepancy and how to manage it in your relationship ❤️

*xTherapy

Desire discrepancy isn’t a sign that your relationship is failing. It’s a sign that you’re human! 👀When couples slow dow...
12/18/2025

Desire discrepancy isn’t a sign that your relationship is failing. It’s a sign that you’re human! 👀

When couples slow down and talk about what desire actually means for each of them, they often find more connection, more safety, and more choice.

12/17/2025

When partners stop talking about s*x because it feels tense, both people can end up feeling alone 😔

Follow for more practical insights on desire discrepancy and how to manage it in your relationship ❤️

*xTherapist

12/14/2025

Your feelings don’t need permission slips. They’re signals, not verdicts. They don’t prove who was right or wrong. They just tell the story of how something landed for you ❤️

When you start seeking second opinions, you risk diluting your own truth. You hand it over to someone else to interpret instead of trusting that what you felt was real and worth naming.

Healthy communication isn’t about convincing anyone that your emotions make sense! It’s about letting your partner know what’s true for you so they can understand your experience.

So next time you’re tempted to collect outside validation before speaking up, pause. Breathe. And try saying it simply: “That hurt.” You can build the rest of the conversation from there.

If that kind of honesty feels overwhelming, my free Flooding Relaxation Guide can help you steady your body first, so you can speak from calm, not from fear. Download it for free now at https://drkkolmes.com/flooding/ ❤️

If you notice that you’re too overwhelmed to have a calm conversation with your partner, my free Flooding Relaxation Gui...
12/11/2025

If you notice that you’re too overwhelmed to have a calm conversation with your partner, my free Flooding Relaxation Guide can help you regulate your body before you start a heavy discussion. Download it for free now at https://drkkolmes.com/flooding/ ❤️

12/10/2025

Desire differences often feel harder because of the meanings we attach to them!

Follow for more practical insights on desire discrepancy and how to manage it in your relationship ❤️

Want to learn more about As*xual Identity? - https://mailchi.mp/da4560adb792/letter-to-editor-9214037 ACE identities are...
12/09/2025

Want to learn more about As*xual Identity? - https://mailchi.mp/da4560adb792/letter-to-editor-9214037 ACE identities are often misunderstood and an as*xual person in a relationship with an allos*xual partner sometimes can cause conflict and misundertandings. Read my latest post to learn more about the language and experiences of ACE folx.

As I continue to specialize in working with couples and relationships in my practice, I frequent see more people who experience desire discrepancies, as well as meeting more people who fit the definition of being ACE or as*xual (having little to no s*xual attraction or only experiencing it in certai...

12/07/2025

I know it’s tempting to back yourself up with your therapist’s opinion! But here’s why you should never quote your therapist in an argument with your partner 👇

When you take those insights straight from the therapy room and use them in a conflict (especially as a way to prove a point) it can backfire.

When you say things like “my therapist says you do this because…” or “my therapist agrees with me,” you’re not really inviting your partner into the conversation. You’re invoking an authority figure. And most people, when faced with authority in an argument, stop listening and start defending.

It shifts the focus from your lived experience to a debate about who is right.

(It also puts your therapist into a role they didn’t sign up for: the invisible referee in your relationship.)

Good therapy should empower you to speak from your perspective, not through your therapist’s words. The goal is to translate those insights into language that helps you connect, not to cite them as evidence.

Try this instead: instead of “my therapist says you shut down when I bring up emotions,” say “I notice that when I share something emotional, it seems to make you uncomfortable, and I’d like us to talk about that.”

And if you find yourself too flooded to have those grounded, vulnerable talks, my free Flooding Relaxation Guide can help you calm your body first so your words can come from clarity instead of defense. Download it for free at https://drkkolmes.com/flooding/ ❤️

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