Deva Segal, MA, MFT

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United States
San Francisco, CA
Deva Segal, MA, MFT

Private practice psychotherapy for couples and individuals in San Francisco, CA. Remote therapy available for residents of California.

06/30/2022

Beautiful table setting at The Kitchen at Plants of the Southwest. Wonderful meal, local foods, and handmade pottery by the talented Olive Tyrrell.

06/27/2022

Expectations of 💕love💕 as doing the heavy lifting in a successful partnership will only get you so far. At some point, your partner will upset you or make choices that feel emotionally threatening. This inevitability will now require digging deeper into whether you and your partner actually have the same goals for your relationship.

Couples avoid this for two main reasons: 1) one might have to act differently than they want, requiring self-awareness and delaying emotional gratification; and 2) conversations of shared purpose may turn out that you two on are a different page, requiring "is this what I want and we want" conversations.

Heady stuff.

That kind of bravery is hard work, but it's the stuff of intentional partnership. Those are couples that will have authentic, richer relationships that can withstand ups and downs of life.

Have you ever thought love is the fix to all problems?

06/23/2022

I don't have a whole lot to say other than self-compassion takes a lot of work.

Many of us (myself included) are feeling the pull to be consistently striving. A growth mentality that pulls on our "not enough"-ness.

It's supported by messages of productivity and efficiency in our culture. A gamefied approach to producing gains at all costs. The pull to do, be, have, and get more than already exists on the assumption that we're a less than, and will only get to experience joy and love once we are perfected.

A state of wholeness also begins with an acceptance of self as already loved, already adored, already enough. Ease comes from cultivating ease, not anxiety about how we have to do more infinitely.

The state we're looking for is it's enough-ness today.

You're interesting and lovable already today.

From my corazón to yours xoxo.

06/20/2022

Memorable s*x is a mix of risk of the unknown and safety. S*x with partners that you love and have deep connection with can be some of the most fulfilling you've experienced or will ever experience.

However, loving someone does not guarantee there will be "good" s*x between you.

Conversely, partners with whom you have less of an emotional bond can also be rich and insightful. While novelty does play a role in excitement, a foundational layer to good s*x is TRUST that you'll get what you want without irreparable harm or shame.

-Do I trust this person to take care of me in this encounter?

-Do I trust that my 'no' or redirection will be respected?

-Do I anticipate my vulnerability about my body or desires will be rejected?

-Do I feel seen enough? Do I feel seen too much?!

-Is this person responsive and flexible in the moment with me?

Trust often comes with s*x partners with whom you've created attachment to, but quite frankly, not necessarily.

Many times in the therapy room I encounter a basic fear or mistrust in a partner's abilities to show up for the other in the bedroom. The assumption of loving partners being enough for quality s*x can devalue experiences we've had with less bonded s*x partners.

What's been your most memorable experiences s*xually, and how safe did you feel with them at the moment?

06/16/2022

Wishing my LGBTQ+ friends, family, clients, and community an amazing Pride Month. Pride is claiming oneself with joy! An answer to collective pain, uncertainty, and struggle. Pride is an act of resistance and of love. Thank you to my q***r teachers in this lifetime! 🏳️‍🌈❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤎🏳️‍🌈

06/13/2022

The compulsion to constantly have new experiences, acquire new things, and do it all RIGHT NOW could be part of an inability to experience true pleasure. There can be a consumerism of the body as much as we consume things elsewhere in our lives. This distraction can be a way of numbing or avoiding.

Pleasure is mindfulness practice. If we're not capable of slowing down our awareness of our motions and tracking our nourishment of the senses, it will feel like we're hungry for more, even if we're full!

More of anything probably means it's time to take a pause. Ask yourself: what am I actually feeling in my body anyway - where can I feel this experience - what do I want to be feeling - or more importantly, what am I trying NOT to feel?

06/09/2022

A little bee sharing her secrets with a pretty orange girl.

06/06/2022

Telling a friend (or a therapist!) that you have anxiety is important, but it doesn't really explain much. We may have shared experiences of anxiety as focusing on one thing or being wracked with worry.

Your anxiety is still unique to you. Sometimes I think the shame of what causes anxiety is enough to silence one's understanding about it.

When you tell me you have anxiety, I want to know about your story. What do you know about your anxiety? How do you journey with it? What characters are there? What must your anxiety overcome to get to the other side?

06/02/2022

¡Oaxaca es ingobernable! Oaxaca, the city and the state, were amazing hosts. A proud people with beauty and resistance in their veins. Can't wait to come back. So little time, and I did not get nearly enough chocolate 🤤

05/30/2022

Instead of thinking of your desire as a fixed thing, it's helpful to think of your s*xuality as responsive to inhibitory and excitatory stimulus.

That sounds super clinical and dry, but it really means there are things that increase your desire for s*x and things that decrease it. These are two separate "levers" of s*xual response. All of us have our unique 'things' and have different dosages of stimulus we respond to.

For example, you may have many things that excite you, but are quite sensitive to an environment that makes you feel safe. Increasing the chances of s*x with your partners requires increasing the gas of your turn ons and letting off the brakes of turn offs.

In an ideal world, you take responsibility for your gas and brakes while communicating them to your partner. This concept is elegantly restated with the journal prompts by Esther Perel - how do you turn yourself on? How do you turn yourself off?

05/26/2022

I have no strong opinions on this, but I'm glad someone does! Who said San Francisco has lost it's edge? PUNKS NOT DEAD ☠️

What do you think - DH or no DH???

05/23/2022

Oh Lordt, we need to unpack this enduring one. I think we decided that s*x should be "natural" because we grew up having s*x without much speaking - using our bodies and glances to decide what was right.

As we grow, our expectations remain that things will just "happen" and two partners will just figure it out.

🚨Nope! 🙅Try again!

Spontaneity in s*x is super fun, but like spontaneous combustion, it's not guaranteed in this lifetime. Furthermore, it's certainly is not the sign of a "good" s*x life.

In reality, the inability to be direct about your wants may shield you from being vulnerable, but it costs you more in the long run.

When you're really intentional about growing and maturing in your s*xuality, communication is always necessary. Carving out scheduled (gasp!) time with your sweetie can be s*xy af and can lead to hot anticipation.

Be clear with your wants in the bedroom without expecting your partner to intuit what you're into that moment. Experiment with scheduling a time for it. Watch how that clarity can more bring connection.

What are you willing to risk in your communication in order to grow?

Address

582 Market Street
San Francisco, CA
94104

Telephone

+14154966660

Website

http://www.therapydeva.com/

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